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Stop Hitting Yourself

Commander / EDH*

prester_john


A budget johnny-vorthos EDH deck based around trying to play as much as possible with other people's cards instead of your own. Then you take control of people's turns, and let them play with your cards. Namely, Knowledge Pool and Leveler.

For a card-by-card description of every trick in the deck, play the following accordion:

Emrakul, the Promised End

The tentacle monster is back, and this time he's forcing people to do his bidding instead of annihilating them. Playing this deck properly requires more than just Emrakul at the helm, though, you must have Emrakul in your heart. By that I mean you must have an inordinate desire to play with other people's cards instead of your own, turning your opponent's trusted servants against them before you turn them against themselves.While a novice may think that having Emrakul at the helm limits you to playing a colorless deck, in truth since the removal of Rule #4, you can play a 5-color deck with Emrakul, you just have to get the colorful cards from your opponents.

Mimic Vat

It lets you play with your opponent's cards, sort of. Ideally you would grab something like a Diluvian Primordial and spam it till you drop, but it can also be used productively with many of the artifact creatures in this section. Remember, clones don't die at the end of the turn, they get exiled, so make a friend and have them block for you. It's good to get people used to doing what you say.

Echo ChamberAnother way to make token clones of your opponents' stuff, however in a much more limited and political way, and for more mana. It's best against people who don't run a lot of creatures, but run enough. And remember, the tokens are exiled, not destroyed, at the end of the turn.

Muse Vessel

Somewhere between disruption, card advantage, and a way to sink your tentacles into the sweet, sweet brain matter of your opponents. This card and cards like it is where the deck becomes itself. While there are usually better things to do with your mana than instantly make an enemy and start casting their cards, few of them are quite as much fun.

Ornate Kanzashi

Like a muse vessel, but you need to activate the card while it's still the turn you nabbed it. The best player to target with this is someone who just cast Imperial Seal or Vampiric Tutor. Following that is Timmy, because he isn't likely to have too many instants, and following that is someone trustworthy who has a Sensei's Divining Top or other topdeck manipulation and too many lands who you want to be pals with.

Clone Shell

'Ol Carl is a pure politics card. You know that he's got a Warping Wail under him, but the table is certain it's an Ulamog, so they'll never attack on the ground. Making a lot of him is also one of the best ways to dig through your library really fast to find whatever you need.

Mindless Automaton

This is an interesting card because it's sort of a looter, but also sometimes you just have way more cards in your hand than you know what to do with, and then he can get pretty big and he still ends up drawing you cards.

Pilgrim's Eye

One of the main reasons you run Wastes. It's also one of the only card-advantage neutral artifact creatures with flying, which is a plus.

Solemn Simulacrum

AKA the sad robo. One of the other main reasons you run Wastes. It's a good card.

Matter Reshaper

Sort of a mini Treasure Keeper, cheap and efficient card advantage is what this phase of the game is all about.

Treasure Keeper

Basically the definition of a hidden gem. Because this deck tends higher on the CMC spectrum, you have a good chance of hitting Junk Diver, Workshop Assistant and Myr Retriever, enabling you to cast him again to gum up the board and rebuild after a board wipe.

Junk Diver, Workshop Assistant and Myr Retriever

Your Eternal Witnesses, if you happen to be playing your deck and not someone else's. Junk Diver is the best of them because it can fly.

Scrap Trawler

Sort of like a lord for your Junk Diver and friends. It can give you a lot of card advantage, but it most of the stuff you want to fetch most is more expensive than what you can chump with or you have a sac outlet.

Ancestral Statue

Aside from the synergy with your commander, he allows you to reuse sad robo, Pilgrim's Eye and Sandstone Oracle, as well as re-spin Carl to find something better. You get swag points for returning something an opponent owns to their hand, then using it to kill them when you take control of their turn.

Cogwork Assembler

One of the lategame options this deck has other than what's in the "combo parts" section. It can be fun to clone a Treasure Keeper, but remember the assembled clone is exiled, so it doesn't trigger death effects unless you can get someone to block it for you.

Prototype Portal

I admit, the possibility of getting 2-for-1'd is real and frightening, but so is a Clone Shell every turn, especially when one turns into a Kuldotha Forgemaster and ends the game. Just one copy puts you even on card advantage, so if you deploy all your ramp before you cast it, there's a good chance you can activate it in response to removal even if an opponent is holding it up.

Mirrorworks

This card is bonkers, especially because it allows you to copy your ramp pieces, copy Ancestral Statue, and copy everything you bounced with Ancestral Statue, and copy everything you bounced with the copy. It's like playing two decks at once, which usually takes the amount of decks your playing to somewhere around 4.

Trading Post

Acts as a very strong sac outlet for cloned Treasure Keepers, and its other modes are situationally useful. With Mirrorworks, it allows you to clone and recycle an artifact creature for 3 mana plus the cost of the creature, netting 2 enter/leaves the battlefield effects per cycle.

Sandstone Oracle

It is thoroughly unlikely that someone will have as much card advantage as you. But sometimes your CA will get tied up under a Muse Vessel or in the board in Junk Divers you can't, or don't want to, get rid of. In those cases this can often be a draw 3 or draw 4 on a body that can be recycled like all of the other artifacts and creatures in the deck.

Endbringer

Quite a crazy draw engine in a 4-player game, though he comes with a lot of hate. Also once in a blue moon he will ping someone to death.

Staff of Nin

The best of the tomes. It's like a Phyrexian Arena but it pings them instead of you. Also I seem to remember this costing a bajillion dollars but apparently it doesn't, which I am OK with.

Aether Hub, City of Brass, Crumbling Vestige, Exotic Orchard, Grand Coliseum, Mana Confluence, Mirrodin's Core, Painted Bluffs, Shimmering Grotto, Spire of Industry, Unknown Shores, Unstable Frontier, Tower of the Magistrate

Before the removal of Rule 4, these would have added colorless mana to your mana pool in an Emrakul EDH deck. However, now they can add any color, helping you to cast your opponent's cards before you have too many of their lands out, or in case you have an opponent's cards from a source that doesn't let you cast their lands, like Mimic Vat.

8 Wastes

There are several cards in this deck that require you be able to fetch a basic land. This fills that requirement while still maintaining a colorless color identity.

Mage-Ring Network

This deck needs a lot of mana. So much so that you will likely have mana to put into this without delaying yourself during the early game.

Arcane Lighthouse

Politics card, and pending a cut. You have next to nothing that can be used with this.

Inventors' Fair

One of the absolute best cards in this deck. It comes into play untapped, tutors a combo piece or a board wipe, and it even gains you a little bit of life.

Thawing Glaciers

In you weren't flooding out before, you are now. Your hand can be this and a wastes, and you are good to go on mana.

Terrain Generator

Works nicely with Thawing Glaciers. Also works with all the lands gained from Muse Vessel/Ornate Kanzashi and regular card draw.

Tower of the Magistrate

This card is secret OP. Nuff said.

Tomb of the Spirit Dragon

Could get cut. Gains you a fair amount of life. However you will usually have something better to do.

Temple of the False God, Shrine of the Forsaken Gods

This deck needs A Lot Of Mana.

Sanctum of Ugin

You have few ways to actually trigger this, but it is always nice when you do, and there is little downside to running it over a Wastes. It can find a handful of combo parts.

Leveler

Now that you've taken several of your opponent's cards under your tentacles, it's only fair that an opponent takes some of yours. I know what you're thinking: what if they don't want to cast Leveler? Well, then you make them.

Gauntlets of Chaos

Quite a subpar Donate replacement, but it'll have to do, unless you can take one from someone else. Before you can make them cast your cards, you have to give them something so they can cast other people's cards. Remember to target someone you haven't been stealing too many cards from, since they will go away once they lose the game.

Grinning Totem

And now the combo is complete. Donate a Grinning Totem to an opponent with an artifact and at least 7 mana from other sources, and then have them break it, and search your library for a Leveler to cast. Congratulations, you've done it. If Leveler is in your hand, just use Muse Vessel instead of this.

While that's my favorite way to win with this deck, there are 3 more combos to talk about.

Assault Suit

It's a fun way to give an opponent their creature back, but there's something better to do with it than that...

Card:Copper-Leaf AngelOops, there goes all your lands. At least you have an extra turn!

Blood Clock, Erratic Portal, Noetic Scales, Card:UmbilicusThese allow you to abuse any of the ETB effects described in the "messing around" section, but they also let you bounce Emrakul so you can cast him every turn for his regular mana cost. This means that, if you find a way to skip the pesky extra turns from Emrakul's effect, you can have his ETB permanently make someone your slave.

Ugin's Nexus

Oh wow, would you look at that. What a coincidence.

What you do with your slave when you capture them is up to you, but I suggest either harassing them into resigning so you can make a different slave and end the game quickly, or invite them to be on your team. Explain that they already lost, because you're going to take control of their turns and tap all their lands before their turn is over, but that you're going to be a kind master, and allow them to continue to play their deck, so long as they join your team. Don't forget to tap their lands.

Jester's Mask

While you can use Gauntlets of Chaos with this to set up any of your other combos, it is usually more powerful to find an opponent's infinite combo and use it to kill everyone except for you. Make sure to target someone whose deck you know so that you don't end up digging in a stranger's deck for 15 minutes.

Knowledge Pool

It lets you force an opponent to cast a Leveler, but it also lets Mr. Teferi lock everyone else out of the game and accelerates your opponents maybe a bit too much.

Citanul Flute

While it is less useful because it can only find creatures, thankfully it can find Kuldotha Forgemaster, which can find anything.

Kuldotha Forgemaster

It can find anything, and you are probably sacrificing a Junk Diver and some clones.

Mangara's Tome

This is a bit of a risky card, but it finds your entire combo, and then some unfortunately. It's also a fun card to give to an opponent with Gauntlets of Chaos, because with Emrakul it makes them skip their draw and it goes in your hand.

Oracle's Vault

Honestly I don't know how this got in the tutors section but I'm keeping it here because it's 1:30 AM and I've been writing this for three hours.

Planar Bridge

It finds all your shit, but it draws an enormous amount of hate. This card is a last resort for when you must combo off or die.

Planar Portal

Like a mini Planar Bridge. One would assume it should draw proportionally less hate, but it doesn't.

Ring of Three Wishes

A cheaper, fewer-use Planar Portal. It's usually better than Planar Portal because you weren't going to live to use it more than three times anyways.

Skyship Weatherlight

A less useless Mangara's Tome. Thankfully, you have enough different combos that losing one to exile isn't the end of the world.

Tamiyo's Journal

Quite useful as a draw engine. I find you can have one extra clue before everyone dogpiles you.

This deck needs a lot of mana. More than half of your cards replace themselves, and your commander costs 13 for crying out loud.

Walking Atlas

Between drawing lots of cards, Thawing Glaciers and Ornate Kanzashi, you're going to need this.

Fellwar Stone

Gets you any color of mana that you need.

Pyramid of the Pantheon

It's a bit of a hate magnet, but it's fun and it fixes your mana.

Basalt Monolith

I don't really know if this card is worth it without being a part of a combo, but my gut is telling me yes.

Burnished Hart

Generates more than 1 mana. Also easily recurable.

Voltaic Key

This starts untapping Muse Vessel and the like once you have enough mana, if for some reason you haven't won by then.

Sol Ring

a bloo bloo bloo

Dreamstone Hedron, Hedron Archive, Kozilek's Channeler, Palladium Myr, Sisay's Ring, Ur-Golem's Eye, Worn Powerstone

Things that generate more than 1 mana are good. You need mana, but in some ways what you need is mana per card more so than the actual thing.

Khalni Gem

Okay before you lose your shit, let me explain. If this card said "2: put two lands in your hand", people would be calling it over powered as all hell. But that's what it does. It only functionally costs 2, because you can tap it the turn it comes out, and it puts two lands in your hand without changing the amount of mana you have on the board.

Oblivion Sower

One of the best cards to spam with Blood Clock and the like.

Paradox Engine

This card broke the format in half, and any deck with Sol Ring should run it.

Aligned Hedron Network

Aside from your commander, it hits almost nothing you run.

Boompile

Wraths are a great way to stall out while you wait to draw your combo.

Perilous Vault

Exiling cards is bad because you want to get those sweet death triggers and that all-important recursion. However the stalling power might be worth it.

Nevinyrral's Disk

The superior artifact wrath. Waiting a turn is totally worth it if you need to save your hide, and sometimes the other players will thank you for it.

Not of This World, Spatial Contortion, Warping Wail, Titan's Presence

Does something useful, accelerates your commander.

Portcullis

This card ruins everyone's day, including yours, but by the time it is off the board you will have a combo ready and be playing 2 people's decks.

Ratchet Bomb

Metagame call.

Relic Barrier

Counter target Sol Ring.

Glaring Spotlight

I feel like I should cut this but I don't know yet.

As always, suggestions appreciated!

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Date added 6 years
Last updated 6 years
Legality

This deck is not Commander / EDH legal.

Rarity (main - side)

8 - 0 Mythic Rares

43 - 0 Rares

30 - 0 Uncommons

11 - 0 Commons

Cards 100
Avg. CMC 4.01
Tokens Clue, Copy Clone, Eldrazi Scion 1/1 C, Goat 0/1 W
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