Are you a troll, but still like to win? Do you wish your games of EDH would go longer and become exponentially more frustrating for everyone at the table? Do the moans and groans of your closest friends, mortal enemies, and smelliest neckbeards bring you unbridled joy? ...

“Norin's Bounce House" is exactly the deck you've been looking for. This deck wins, and when it doesn't win, you lose knowing everyone fucking hates you. Come with me and I'll guide you through the wonderful world of Norin the Wary and all the fuckery that comes along with him.

Basic Plan

Norin the Wary is an often underestimated commander. He's cheap, little, and can't attack. However he is nearly impossible to get rid of because he leaves the battlefield at any spell or attack, and if someone does manage to kill him he's dirt cheap to get back out. He'll trigger an ETB effect on nearly every players turn. So...

Enter The Battlefield Pain:

Purphoros, God of the Forge , Pandemonium , Warstorm Surge , Impact Tremors All trigger damage whenever Norin or any of his friends return. This is made even better using Panharmonicon . Torbran, Thane of Red Fell adds 2 more damage each time. Get Furnace of Rath out to double the pain again.

Genesis Chamber means Norin brings a Myr friend back with him

Bounce Norin's friends with Conjurer's Closet and Cloudstone Curio for even more ETB pain

Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker + Zealous Conscripts = Infinite Tokens. Combo that with any ETB pain piece and do infinite damage

Altar of the Brood and mill them away

Pyrohemia lets you pump out the damage and Norin coming back home at the end of each turn means it’s always around to deal more pain.

What's Yours is Mine

What people hate more than anything is having their stuff stolen. Norin abuses the fuck out of this with chaos.

Use Confusion in the Ranks to steal all of your opponents pieces. When he enters, use him to steal their creatures, then he’ll come right back to you. Glitterfang also plays this game very well.

Use Helm of Possession for more targeted theft.

Use them, sacrifice them to Altar of Dementia or Tooth and Claw , or steal an artifact and Goblin Welder to get your stuff back from the graveyard.

Put them on ice with Cold Storage

Use their stuff to as fuel for Trading Post

Treasure Nabber provides fun ramp that annoys the table.

Insurrection provides global theft. Combo it with Mogg Infestation and only you can have creatures.

Stax

Nobody expects the spanish inquisition, nor do they expect a red stax player

Blood Moon , Magus of the Moon stop those pesky mana fixing dual lands (note: be very careful with Gauntlet of Might if either of these are in play

Stranglehold is a classic tutor shutdown

Planar Chaos will make everyone second guess playing anything

Citadel of Pain punishes players for not tapping out, and if they try to ride it out Price of Glory takes care of them.

Dust Bowl , Strip Mine , and Wasteland provide a healthy dose of land destruction. Crucible of Worlds allows you to lather, rinse, and repeat. Use Scaretiller to pull those land bombs and fetch lands back up. The fuckery is dialed up to 11 when Zo-Zu the Punisher and/or Tunneling Geopede are in play. Bounce Goblin Settler for even more ETB fun.

Teferi's Puzzle Box will fuck up a combo player’s whole afternoon.

Recursion

Sometimes despite your best laid plans, you need to get your shit back.

Crystal Chimes will fetch you back all of your Enchantments.

Goblin Welder and Trading Post can pull back any artifacts you need. Buried Ruin can also be used to bring back artifacts and is only made better with Crucible of Worlds and Scaretiller

Feldon of the Third Path let’s you to replay tokens of graveyard hate bears over and over

Special Notes

Torpor Orb should be destroyed on sight. Steal it and blow it up, remove it with Abrade , Shattering Spree , Mogg Salvage (free if anyone at the table has an island), or best of all Shattering Pulse that allows repeated artifact removal. Fetch up Viashino Heretic with Imperial Recruiter for more repeated removal. If all else fails, Chaos Warp that fucker away. Also be on the lookout for Hushbringer , Hushwing Gryff , and Tocatli Honor Guard

Thanks

Initially inspired by Bouncy Castle Made more evil by Wait, What? Made more competitive by Norin the No Nonsense

This is quickly become my favorite deck to play. Thank you so much reading. Upvotes are always appreciated. It is, as always, a work in progress. Comments and suggestions are welcome.

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Casual

86% Competitive

Top Ranked
Date added 1 month
Last updated 14 hours
Legality

This deck is Commander / EDH legal.

Cards 100
Avg. CMC 3.28
Tokens 0/1 Kobold, 1/1 Goblin, 3/3 Beast, 1/1 Myr, 1/1 Thopter, None Copy Clone, Daretti, 0/1 Goat, None Treasure
Folders Uncategorized, cool stuff
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