pie chart

Soldiers of Misfortune: Lose Friends Fast!

Commander / EDH Artifact Mono-White Pillow Fort Soldiers Stax Tokens Tokens

kingtuf


Maybeboard

Instant (1)

Creature (1)


Soldiers of Misfortune

A Guide to Losing Both Friends and Games!


Introduction

My name is kingtuf and it is with great honor that I, a definitively shitty deck builder, get to help you find your way through this comprehensive mistake and hopefully impart onto you (yes, you) the ability to lose friends and lose games like a pro for a mere 0 to 847 dollars[1]. If you have any suggestions on how to lose friends or lose games, please feel free to include them in the comment section below. Without further ado, let's dig into this trash deck that I spent too long building all to play once, have the gimmicks discovered, and then never play again.

Ḿ̶̘͕Y̸̯̖̦͐͂ͅ ̷̢̩̭̺͕͇̠̞͇̟̬̩̗̇̀͗̄͂̄͜͝D̷̨̙͓̙̩͓̫̪̖͍̹̺̰̞̓̅̔̎͂͆̏̆̕É̶̳͈̀̅̐̅͗̇́͆̕͝G̶͙̰̣͔̀̊̿̏̽̓Ê̴̙̬͇̖̞̫̰͑̀̆̅͘ͅṆ̵̘̺̑̾͌͛̍̑̈͊́̒̿̾̿͆̌Ȩ̴̥̬͖̙̟̮̪̩̒͐̐͌̅͊͂̊͐͛́̀͋͝͠R̵̨̞͈̯̜͙̦̲̪̜͌̈́͋͌͊͜Ḁ̸͕͍̜̞̦͇̪̬̍̄̾͋́̇͗̍͝͝Č̸͚̼̞̾̈̀Y̴̨͎̞̐̃ ̸̡̨̰͚̰̮͓͉̼͛̈́̋̚K̷͕̙̤̼̗̺͎̺̗̟̼̭̋͐̀͗͐̾̂̏̓̓͠N̸̢̡̯̝̝̼̼̜͔̟̭̟̊̈́̅̇̊͒̚͠O̴̡̹̫̦̟̦̦͓͚̻̊̅͋̓͒̒̏̾̚̚͝͝W̶͙̯̳̮̗͈͙̭̳̖͓̻̯̎ͅȘ̵̛̻̱̯̰̣̲̠̱̿̀̇̀̍̍͊̄͋̚̚͝ͅ ̶̟̮͆̿̈́̑̈̅̉͘N̶̡͖̫͕̞̈́̑͒́ͅŐ̸̢̹͉͉̟̬͉͍̗̹̜̼̒̌̍͗͂́̊ ̴̢̞͓͖͐̅̑̀̋̈B̸̡̨̩̭̻͇̳̰͈͗̒́͂̿̍̈́̓͊̚͠ͅO̸͍̅̆͂U̴̢̞̗͉͇̥̝̬͒́̊̀̏̀̔̐̌͜͝Ņ̶̧̧̛̳̣̞͉͇̣́̐͗̉̀̎͝D̴͖̼͇̱̝͙͆͑͋̃Ş̶̗͓̮̥̲̠͚̩̯̞͔̃̐̃́͐͋̓̓̏̅̓́̈́̓ͅ

A̴͎̪̩̜̻̤̝͌̂̚͝N̸̨̨̠̻̗̭̜̙̘̫̟̫̓̽̑̈́́́̋̚̕͜͝D̸͈̲͓̠̙̜̻̭̦̳͈́̋̚͜ ̵͙̲͍̠̐͋͗Ȉ̷̢̹̺͓̺̻̀̓̋͗̾̾͒̒͐̇̇̇͘ͅͅ ̵̛̘͕̦͌̏͋̂̈́̈́̈̌͠W̵̡̡̙͚̦̳̠͙͚̙̱͉̭̭͗͆͂̀́̋́͗̉̍̌̓͜͝͝͝I̶̛̼̙̼̟͂̂́̓̏͒̊͗͛̅̓͘ͅḺ̸̳̰̉̅̿͆͒̋͂̆͋̒͑̄̉̽L̴̡̧̙̼̟̙̗̗͙̞̣͚̾̊̀͗͂ ̷̨̟̰̀̒̔̓̇͐͐̃̈́́̓͘͠S̴̨̢̢̡̨̯̣̬̟̜̳̬͉͇̐͜H̵̨̛̰͕̖̜̠͊͛̀̑̒̎̂̑͝͝O̸͕̳̹̖͎͂̄̋͌͑̐̃́͑́̾͆͘͘E̵̝̪̖͇̳̣̘̻̱͔͓̯͂̏̓̔̏̒̊͜͜ͅH̷̺̰͓̲̰̼͖̲͓̍̈͆̋͌͠Ȯ̴̢̝͍̱̣͈͖̫̰̹͓̲̗͔͓̏͌̈̾̍̽̅͑͘̚̕Ř̸̫̔̿̇̎̽̓͆͠N̵͎̙͕̺͛̎̋̒̔̚͝͝ ̶̥͙̈̽̅͊̃͋̀͒́̏̓̍̊M̶̢̮̼̝̠̼̟̖̤͔͍͎̽͐̒̕̕Į̴̡̰̦̮̥͖̘͈̪̻̇̚N̵͚͇̪̞̲̬͉͚̝̄D̶̩̞̝͓̳̥̱͕̜̋͊̐͋̍̈́͒̓̒̔̇͋͝Ş̴̻̪̙̬̟̘̼̳̻̩̘͒̏͒̄́̌̾̉͑̄͘̕͠L̸̡̖̘̪̞̺̗̖̐͐̋̎̀̐̅̈͗̊̾̌́Ă̴̪͚̫͛͆̂̉́͋̀͘ͅV̸̢͍̻̱̖͈̬͇̲̙̗̤͓̯̓̑͑Ȩ̸̣̞̩̼̫̹͇̹̟̦̲͋̋̈́͌͊͛́̄̑̈́̇͘R̶̢̧̧͕̘̫̫̩̥̭̩͕̫̘͌͐͠ ̶̗̲͌̍̈́̑̀̓̾̚͘

̶͎̙̝̦̯̖̼̱͐̈́͒͜I̷̘͚͂̊͠N̸̠̹͌̎̏̈́T̸͎̹̫̺͈̮̤̪̣̽͐͋̍͐͆̂̎̈̎̽͒͘͝Ǫ̷̛͖͈̳͓̩̜̝̯̭͚̼̐͛͌̽͐̉͆͂͜ͅ ̵͙̱̼͖̏̌̿̎̋̉̏͌̌̓̂̕̕͝E̸̡̢̢̛̹͖̹̥̠͓͓͍͗͑̿̀̅̎͆̏͊V̸̗̠̱̑͛́̽͑͑̈̇Ȇ̷̛͇̞̮̀̂̓͑̃̋̄R̵͕͔̺̣̰̍͜͜ ̶̗̞̜͎̦̗̹̩̄͐́̿̓̾̈̊̎̿͐̈́̅̈́ͅD̴͎͈̏̂͂̍̓E̵̛̛̩͇͂̀̎͒̐̏͊̈́͘̕͜͝Ç̸̘͉͉̲͕̘̱͔͈̩̲̳̒̐͛̈́́Ḳ̸͇̲̲̥̗̫̑͂̀̈́́͌̏ ̶̨̯͚͉̣̜͑͂͐̈͊̿́̔̎̇̌̃͝I̵͎̭̓̈́͋ ̴̯̤͚̣̪̒̎C̶̬̜͙͉̳̘͈̭̦̠̙̉͐̉̆̽̂̈́̔̕A̵̗̳͆̑Ņ̶̰͈̩͖̟̞̠͚̹͉̄̾̿̇̈.̶̙̣͖̥͊̊̀̾̃̍̓͋̊͛̿̾̕̚ ̴̯͌̾͌̈́͒Ţ̸̧̛̠͇̖̬̩͚͈̌͑̈̍̔̿͂̄̅̇̚͝͝H̷͖̞̫͍͎̤̖̥̊͒̄̀̓͝E̵̘̹͋͜ ̵̪̞̳̹̮̤̖̹̣͎̘͇̦̬͆͒͌͊̎͛̅͋̄͋̕͜͝͠S̴̪͕̝͂̓͋͑͂̑̆̏̉K̷̢̹̟͉̦̲̺͕̙̥͋̀̀͋͗͛͆͛̿͂͊͝Ȳ̷̡̡̢͎͇̟͍̀̓̾̈́̄̔̅̊̚͠͝ ̵̧̘̮̲͔̗̟̞́̔̀̑̈́͐̾͗̇̐͂̽̕̕S̸̟̉͒̄̓H̵̹̿̈͆̃̋̚͝A̵̧͙͈̲͇̔͛L̸͉̮͓̑̔̍̀̏͋͐͝Ļ̷̛̼̰̮̠̹̗̖̘̱̦̍̓̃ ̸̨̭̤͚͍͕̌̈́̈́̐̄̆͒̽͛͜

̴̢̢̠͒R̶̨̟͖̟̺̎͂̔ͅͅÁ̴̧̧̻̤͙̝̱̺̣̬̀̒I̸̛̬̖̫̗̪͖̗̳̍͐̃̃͆͆̃̍͘̚͝͝Ǹ̵̛̯̠͕͕͔͐́̇͆͒͌̄͋̍ ̴̛͇̫͑̆̅̇̀͋̕R̸̢̨͎̬̲͊E̸͇̼͓̔̀̀̀̄̿̽͝͝D̸̨͙̼̰̙̥̦͉̯̿̑́͋͒̊̑̈́̀̽̑̊͘͝͝ ̶̦̱̳̺͎̹̹͉̯͑̈́̈̐̊͋̈͛̆͊̆͘Ȁ̵͛͐̔͂̅̏͐͐̾͜͠N̷̻̙̮̥̗͙̑̅̌̉̊̏̾̑͘̚͠D̶̮̗̖̮̮̮̱͖̎̄ ̷̛̥͕͇̻͖̊͊͋͒̌̓̀̊͠T̴̰̖̩͎͙͈̠̑̅͆͂̓̈͘͘͜͠H̸̛̺͈͖͖̪̩̟͎̭͇͚͛͊̋͒͂́̽̍͊͛͘̚͠Ể̶̢̮̘̳̥͍͙̳̼̳̻̙̜͓̓͗̓͛̀͑̐͘̚͘ ̴̭̦̦̜̳̂́͌̽̀͗̐̿̍̆̎P̶̢͉̜͇̻͔͓͎̗͎̟̫̹̤̍̀̔͗̽̉͐̃͂̉͂̈́͘̕Ę̶̲̳̞̤̳̦̲͗̑͂̂̏̈́͋̌̽̈͘̕͠ͅȌ̴͇͔̦͍̫̠̖͙̦͇̩̄P̴̝͇̳̟̰̥͔̼̗̠̭͖͔̖͒͂͛̒̔̃̒̓̕L̸̗͚͌ͅȨ̴̱̯̬͙̲̲̞̯̖̻̺̖̙̏͑̍̉̿͒͊́͒̽̈́̉̚͠ ̶̢̝̯̝̻̘̟̯͍͔̘͚͕̜̿͑͑W̵̖̲͓̼̰̳̪͚̣̪͚̽̿̔̋̄̒͂̀̀͊̌̈́̔̇̈́͜͜Į̵̧̡̩͙̖̣̣̱̦͉̝̭̤̳͊̏͊̊̀̉́̍̐̽̕͝͝L̴̢̤͕̫̬̳̝͈̬̲͔̊L̴͓͇͑͋ ̵̨̧̜̼͙͍̖̄̿̅͠͠C̴̟͋̀̈́̒̾̃̅̈́̆̈́̕R̴̈̓͂̿̈́̈́̌̊̄̎͋͂̚͜Y̴̳͈̥̫̻̳̩̤̓̏̈́͛͑̉̋̽̅͐͘͝ ̵̘͔̿͘

̴̡̛̛̤̣̠͇̠͈̭̻͚͇̘͇͉̘̍̐̉̐̄̚Ô̷̼̞̳̺̙̮̞͈̲͚̑̓̈̋̉̔̋U̷͇̟̜̹̻̲̫̪͚͓̐̔͜͜ͅT̶̳̠̻̉̌̈́͆̇̇̎̚͝͝͝͠ ̵̢͎̣͈̦̱̓̕͝F̸̨̢̹̤̟̼̝̥͂͋̊̾̄̌̀̀͠Ò̴̠̉̆͘̚R̶̢̯̩̪̫̮̮̰̩̟̽͛̒͂͊̉͋̋̑̊̌ ̵̮̬̺̲́̑̉̓͌̀̈́͌̚̕͜͠M̴͍̩̝͚͗̆͒̇E̸͎͚̦̫̓́͘͜R̸̞̣̞̹̜̗̍Č̴̡̢̝͈̖̰̝̗̳̲̪̰̀̋̂͌̑͘Ý̶̡͚̜̥͓̲̤͉͕̓̈́͛̎̆͆̽͐̂ ̷̧̳̭́̈́͛̔̎̓̉̃͌̈́͘͘͝͠O̴͎̤̣̬͈̭̟̜͈̦̕̕N̶̡̡̢̞͉̗͖̘̳̥̲̮̣̎͆̇̂L̸̮̫̭̠͍̟̖̥͙͐̌̀̾̀͒̚͝Ỷ̴̨̧̝̣͉̦̹͆̅ ̷̹̬̣̠͉̰̼̹̜͖̽̀̄͗͊̈T̵̡̥͎̩͈̦̪̠̼̣̞͚̗͋̿͊̍̅̎̆̓̓̐͜Ȏ̸̲͇̭̣̱̯̣̫̰̮̮̫͚́́̋͗̔̂̎͆̕̚̕ ̷̡̢̹̝̼͍͔̬̜̱͖̪̒͌̋̂̾̀̇̄̏͗͌̇͠͠H̴̨͚̯͕͖̟̓͐̂͛̓́̽̆̈̚Ą̷̨̧̧̛̗̟͉̣̠̝̘̩͚̉̒́̇̀̂́͒̋̉̇́́͂͜ͅV̷̨͉̭͉̞̺̱̣̰̂̀̿̀͐͗̀̓̍̀͋̊̔̚͝ͅE̵̡̢̛̩̱̙̦̣̭͖̗̯͇̐̂̓͂̈́͝ ̷̢̭̙̦͕̝̲͍̔̿̆̀̿͂̊͜͠ͅI̵̢̘̫̤͕̳̗͈̬̩̰̦̱̖͗́̃̿̄̐̓͐̚̚͝T̴̨͕̾̌̽̃̉͠͝ ̵̡̲͈̥͉͎̹͓͚̘͔͉̜͙̔D̸̺̞̬̜̩̮͇̞̃̇͛͐̈́̈́́͊͜͝͝E̸̛͉̟̣̒̂̊͛͑͑̾̀̈́͆̊͘̕͜͜N̶̝͒̆͂̏͗Į̶͔͕͖͖̭͍̫͉̍͜Ë̷̲̤͈̫͈́̈́͑̋͝Ḑ̵̨̩͔̏̅,̶̘̗͖̫͇͍̬̈́͛̀͘͠͝͝ ̶̨͍̱̮̮̖̯͎͕̜̠̈́̅

̷̛̛̞̺̘͔̈́̊̔͌͒̃͌͒͜͝G̷̹̠̪͙̈́̊I̷̛̟̊̀̾̀͆̆͌̍̅̇̍̀̅F̴̥̽̊̿͌́̈́͊̔T̵͖͈̻̥̗͉̱̠̱̟͔̩̞̜̅͌̽̀͂̆̄͠E̸͚̭̗̓͂̓̐̅̀D̵̡̩̟̣̬̝̙̣̼̪͎̗̙͆̍̓͐̊̋́̇̚͠͝ ̵̣̜̓̈́̈́̔͑͝I̶̬̥̹̟̯̟͓̘̰͊N̴̖̲̻̣̣̗̥̓̓̽͒̔̈́͌̇͠S̶̞͙̚̕͝T̸͎͕͉̜̠̬̣̹̩͆̊͊Ȩ̶̖̦̪̹͍̈́̾͗͋͋̍̌̿͠Ă̵̢͉̳͉̳̮͇̠̒̆̎̊͂̂͊͊͒̎̓͘D̸̮͚̗͇̱̬̯̜͓̎̃̈̉͂͊̐ ̷̝̳̳̺̤̫͚͍̫̤͔̯̩̍̊̔̄̇̇͑̓̈́͒̏͝Ẁ̸̨̧̻̹̲̭̖̤̖͓͊̂̐İ̷̞̋̎̊͒͂͘͝T̵̢̧͙͍̥͖̯͚͎͕͔̙̳̑̀́́̐̊ͅḦ̶̤͍̘͚̝́̐̃͝͝ ̸̨̬̣̬̺̳̻̻͓̜̻̦̤̹̽̄̆̂̕̕͜͝͠T̵̹̳̮̫͚͍̭̟̝̠̠̬̽̍̈͋͜͜ͅḤ̴̡̰̝̺͚̄̀̈́͌̿́͘Ę̴̢̛̥̟͈̯̤̅́́̂̅̃̒͂́͐̆́̂͠ ̸͇̘̜̬̦̲̜̲͎̺́̀͊͋̓͂͒̔̆̋͂̈́͂̕P̶̼̩̺͚̠̜̙͓͕̠̳͖̒̈́̆̔̉̋̒̾̎̏̀͘͠R̵̨̞͖̹̓̔̑̈́̓͗̐I̷̧̨̥̲̝̤̟̦̻̺͔̺̍̍͂͛̌̕Z̵̡̧͎͕̪̞̭̘̳͓̻̬͖̜̐̒̔͊̋̑͆̋̍͒̔̋́ͅÈ̷͖̩̺͇̲̬̤̠̎̅͛̒̀̇͐̑̏̓͌̏̚͜ ̸̧̧̺̣͇͕̰̲̟̼̹͈̣͓̇̈́̍͆̽̚Ò̷̢̝̘̞͙̲̳̜͇̈́̽̆͜͝Ḟ̷͎̔̎̋͊̈́ ̶̧̨̡̬̓̀͑͋͆͗̽͒̕͘͜͠͝͝

̸̺̠̫̪͇͔̈́̽̍̀Ę̴͕̯͙̩̼̭͚̺͔͔̎̾̑̍́̚Ṿ̸̳̱̩̙̗̱̗̱͙͂̊̅̚͜͠E̶͇͓͉͔̰̣̔͌͒̒̋͛͗̈́͒̓̕͘̕ͅȒ̵͚̥̪̲͔̦̑̅̔͒̄L̶̢̑̀̊͌̌̀̈A̴̯̬͙̲͚̥̳̩̘͊͑͐̈́̂͂̎̄̈͛͊ͅŞ̴̢̡̧̛̤̦̥͎̠̮̱̞͍̪̈́̀̀͒̓̉T̴̡͔͕̲͎̮̝̪̰̠̻̚ͅĮ̷̧̨̙͈͇͎͇͒͛̎̈̃ͅŅ̶̰̫̣͙͚͈̤̼̰̦̞͇̥̌̉̾̊͛͌͘ͅG̷̟͇͕͎̘͙͉̭̘͔͎̦͈͎̏̐͂͗̂͊ͅ ̴̣̯͚̯̩͕̣̖͚̿̾͊͆̋̇̍̄̊͑͝͝͠͠S̶̤̝̬̘̐̈́́͆̈́̈̏̒́͒̀U̵̖̭͚̣̙̾̃̈́̅̇̐B̵̪̗̞̳̾J̷̪̟̠̜̟͚͍̤̬̗͚͌̎̓̍̏̐͘Ṷ̸̳̑̂́͛G̶̨̧̤̥̹͔̺̥̖̱͉͗͗͜͜Ä̴̡̰͍̥̫̟͔͈͓̖̬́̓̒͑͗̇͋̊̕͠T̸̘͖̺̍͒̍̓́̾́́͝͠I̸̡̢̛̟̝̥̳̻̩͈̺̗̬͖̫͔͐͛͐̎̂̉́͝͠Ơ̷̢̱̯̙̪̱̮͙̳̞͉̓͊́͛͐̔͒͠N̵̘̩̣̭̙̬̟̰̞̆̌̀̀͑̾͌̉̆̈͒̾͜͝ ̷̧̩̖̘͊̐̅͛̀̿̓̔̂̚̕A̵̢̧̧͕̩̹̹͆̏̓̒̕͝N̶͇͙̺̫̻̺̮͉̭̈́̍̇̅͆̒̕̚͜͜͠͠ͅD̶̛͎͇̟̹͑͆͐̄͗͊̈̊̚̚̕͜ ̴̞̼̽̈́͐̀̊̀E̷̖͙͖̣̤̬͗͌̉̏͒̀̉͑̆̀͜͠T̵̡͓͔͎̺̬̘̱̈́̐͊̈́̑̈́̎͊̾̚͘̕͝͠E̷͎̮͔̱͕͇̞͍̭̭͙̟̅̀̆͐̎̂R̶͇̺̈́̿͜N̴̳̺͍̜̺̩̅͊̔͌̕͝͝Ǐ̴̧̨̢͚̗̺̞̃̑̍́́̚͘͜͠T̵̨̧̛̯̱̻̽̾̒̃̃͗͒̑͂͝Y̶̝̖̳͍͈̝̹̰̘̼̼͍̲͙͗͐́̌̽ ̸̢̡̧̫̻͈͈̬̭̺̦̜̦̊̎̏̃̓̕

̶̩͈̰̬̯̺͔͝T̴̨̨̛͇̹͈̟͔̫̱̦͆͐̚̕͜ͅR̷͎̽́̇̈́̏̕A̶̼̖̲͈̺͛̏̚ͅṔ̸͍̟̱̜͈̗̞̟͕̝̹̦͒͜P̵̮̭̗̖̭̣͈̟̤̍Ẻ̷̡̮̱̥̎̔D̶̢̺͈͎̹̠͇̘̭̬̩̃̾̀̈́̋̍̍̉̋͂͒̂̾ ̶͖̍͆̾̈́̊̒̑̕͜Ì̸̧͍́̀̉͆͂̿͋͑̒̓́͝N̶̢̛̟͕̤̦͓̮̥̲͇̩̞͙͙̂̈̅̓͂͋̾̓̊͘͜͝ ̵̧̧̖̹͉̖̪̬̥̖͇̘̉͂́͑̈́̄A̵̫̹͚̜̝̹͙̮̩͕̺͛̓͋͒̇̌͑͐͋̕͜͝ ̶̡̗͉̼̣̩̉W̵̧̹͕̌̐̆̀͊̇̕̕A̶͈͈͐̆͂̅͊͌̈́͒K̴͔̍̎̈͘ͅI̵̳͈̬̝̙͈̠̪͗͛͂͗͊́̓͝͠N̵̲̠̩̝͉̞̠̞̺̝̘̟̄̈́͐́͛̈́̒̈́̕͜͝ͅG̶͍̜̜̓͛̆͐̑̈́͝͝ ̸̧͚̪̲̪̯̲̗̳̺̓͋͂̊͆͒̇͂̀͒̒̅̕͘̚Y̸̺͚̘̹̻̦̤̫̟̮̲͓͒̈́̍̎͌͊͆̎͊̊͛̃̚E̷͔̬̣͙̣̖̜͊̈́͋͂͜T̶̤̈́͆͠ ̶̲̭̝̮͈͇̪̖̖̹̔̈́́̈́́͗̇̾̉͌͜F̵̼̙̩͉̤͈̓̈́͜ͅU̵̢̩̝͇̣̹͍̼̔̑͊̓̃̆̊͠Ĺ̸̞̖̪L̶̢̡̦͇̗͙̳̟̘̥͕̄Ỳ̸̛̗̻̮̥͍̾͐͆ ̶͉̫̱̪͉̭͎͓͉͚̖̘̑̏̐̃͋̇͘ͅF̵̻̺͖̯͔̠̒́̐̌̅̏̄͐̂̑̽̈́͂̕͘ͅŲ̴̻͕̗͔̖̱͕̯̦̰̤̱̈́̆͊̄̕͠T̷̨̡̹̳̤̞͍̭̮͇̀͑̚I̸͇͒̍̚̚Ļ̷̦̣̣̖̏͠E̴̬̲̙̞̥̙͋̃̈́͌̄̋̔̓͊̚͝ ̷̛̣̀͂̏̃͗̈̏͝͝

̸̦͎͇̥̻͙͓̼̈͋͊̓͋̿̍̉͂̊̐̉̀͘ͅḘ̶̣̘̃̓X̵̛̟͇̹̠̘̭̝̥̜͙͚͉̬͍Ì̶̢̩̙̿Ş̵̢̢̝͖̲̗̖̫͔͖̻̟̹̟̓̃̉͊̂͌̑͋͑̉́͒̀̀̑T̴͓̜̳̥͖̗̞̤̏̈̀̋̋͌̽͑̈͛̿̀͊͘͘Ẽ̶̩͖̯̤͈͖͚͔̘̹̖̲̳̜̓̾̀̽͝N̶̩̬̼̕C̶̡̡̛͕̭̤̻̬̞̙̜̗͔̘̘̿̉̈́̐͊̕E̷͔͈̬͖̗̠̣̟̫̺̦̔̈̋̆̐͋̌͌̈́̀͑̃̍͌͘ ̶̲̯͍̗̠͇̈́̀̾̀̈́̂͌̂̏͂̚F̴̨̹͙͔̮͈̟̝͇̰̪͕͆̈́̽̂̍̄͐̃̇̕͘Ó̵̧̡̱̩̙̮̼̦̳̟̦̺͓̪̆̾̏̅̂̍̔͂̀̈̒̕͜R̴̫͔̕ ̶̗͙͆̈́̈́̃̒̑̆̈́̓͌͘̚͝A̸͓̳̍̐̓͗͐͑̕͜͠͠S̷̡͍̹̣̮̯̹̻̤͖͠ ̶̨̛͈̫̘̜͎̖͔̞͎͙̺̠̀̇̅̊̍̿̓͠ͅL̷̛̙͚̄̅͐̋͛̀̂O̷̤͓͇͒̍́̔͆̂͑͛́̐̓̾͌͠͝N̵͚̲͉̭̤̖͖͎̜̥͉̣̾̐͗̉̄̉͜ͅG̶̢̗̤̥̘̼͖͛̃̒̿͑̾̽̓̃͆̐̎͝͝ ̶̠̞͕̳̩͕̠͕̤̳̝͂A̴̢̡̲̹̞̫͙̳̎̾̔̓̔̅̊̔̊̚S̵̬̳̣̥͎͈̘̼̆͆̊̓̈́̇ ̷̲͕̖͔̬̝̼̞̗̜̮̩͚̦̂̔́̒̋͘͠Ṭ̴̡̜̱̝͖̺̹̼̰̉͋͗̈́̕H̶͎͙̲͉̯͎̘̺̲̊Ê̸͚̫͔̏̆͋͐́͋̎͆͐̀̂͝Y̶̧̜̖̩̤̳͖͙̻͉̻̦̠̏͑ ̸̛̛̛͙̻̗͐̇͒͗̅̾̒̈̎̇D̴̲͙̫̰͕̼̗̉͋̈́̆̓̑̄́̏̋͝Ä̶̧̛̞̬̲̺̘́́̿̿͒̇́̍͜R̴̮̻̱̗̣̥̝̀͐́͐͗̑̂͌̕͝E̵̜͔̺̦̮͐̐̑̌͂̓̅̀́͂̃̏͘͝ ̴̢̤̜̠̯͒̈́͛͗̑̍͑̾̕

̴̨̡̪͖͎̯̗̓̊̅̀̐̇͆͛͂̊̀́̓͝F̶̡̛̤͙̯͖́̋̅̈́͝Â̸̩̻͌̉͐̈́͗͂̏͗̐̍̒̏̚C̶̼̦͎̠̞͍̖̖̹̫͓͔̘̖̳̈́̓͑̓̎̆͑̃̍̄̿̂͘E̶̢̫̫̫̭̞͌ ̶̩̪͙̟͖̘͖̮̭̓͛M̸̗̼̝͖̎̈́̈̊̾͜Y̷̨͉̼̙̪̫̼͍͖̰̹̗̟̳̩̌͛͊̌̀̆́̑ ̸̢̡̺̹̫̝͈̫̖͉͋̀̉́̔̓̕͝͠C̴̛̠͖̮͉͂̿͌̌͂Ơ̵̢̺͉͚̯͖̺͌͌̀͂̈́̂͒̄̿̌̈̚̕͘N̵̢̹̠͍͙̯̝̲̻̣͕̙͎͑ͅS̷̻̓T̸͍̦̝̤̥̗̑Ṟ̵͙̲̯͈̗̟̪̟̉͊̀̓́͑̈́̂̀̿̀̂̿͠Ủ̷̱͉̥̘͙̱̳̹̻͓͙̖̪́̚Ç̶̥̲͎̳̺̤̣̥̈̓T̸̡̲̠̹͉̲̭͇͔͕͇̰͚̿̏̾̒͆̑̉̓͗̈͛̀̑͜S̶̢̜̟̫̫̜̘̪̹̘̙͚͒̈̀̋͆͐͗͌̐͝͠ ̸̨̘͖̙̩̪̯͕͑̉͆̎̉͂̿͊̌͒̾͛͑͆͘ͅẀ̴̡̪̯̘͙͚̳̟̞̞̘͖͕͛͛̋̀̏̔̅I̴̡̨̧͖̹̞͇̤̩̯͇͊͊̀͒͛̓͊̏̀̀͆T̶̞̪̹͉̲͚̪̙͓͚̫̥̙̯́̊̑͂͐͆̒͑̒͘̕͜͝H̷̡̹͇͖̘͕̻̪͉̀͌̂̎ ̸̺̐̒̓͗̂̅͂̅͒̋̽̈́̐I̶̝̜̳͔̭̙̩̬̤͑̂͌̎̇͆̕͠Ń̵̞̈́̈́̃̔̐̇͊͠S̷̢̰͉̞̟̦̭͈͎͉͎͆̇ͅT̵̡̗̮̰̳͕̈́͂̒́̽̽̈́̓͘͠Ï̴̧̨̡̛̛̩̖̥̤̗̳̻̼͕̹̓̈́̌́̽͊̎̃̈́̌̕͝L̸̪͔̈͋͑̃͑̾͆͐͘̕͝L̸̨̡̦̘̻͚͖̳͖͕̫͕̥̤̦͒͗͂̾̑͒͊͠͠Ẽ̵̢̤͖͇͔͍̱͕̖͚̩͕̍̉̾̈́̊D̸̨̛̛͎̬̫̭̺̪̮̮͇͖͋̑̾̋́̔̂̌͋̈́͘ ̵̧̧͚͕͔̖̀͊͆̄͂͋͒̈͛͗̌̃̽̓̕H̷̹̺̙̥̜̖̞̩̰͌̈͌̓͒ͅƠ̶̧̪̱͔͇̲͉̄̊̎̀̈́͑̊́̈P̴̨͎̩̞̱̼̥͉̠̝̫̞̌͑̈́͊̀̍̊͐͒̌̕Ę̶̡͚̰͓̠͎͙̼̦̯͓̄̽͐͒͑̀͂͜͝

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I'm also a HUGE New Phyrexia fan and I love love love Elesh Norn!

Myrel is very unique to the mono-white commander color space in that she comes with two useful abilities instead of just one bad one.

Ability One: Solitaire Mode

Once she has made it to the battlefield, her first ability disables opponent spell casting on our turn, leaving the Baral Counterspell Tribal deck across from us feeling Blue and the Borborgmos player to our left with Krosan Grip in hand feeling Gruul.

Not only does Myrel stop counterspells and removal spells on our turn, but she also prevents opponents from setting up instant speed responses on sorcery speed sticks! Now the mono-black "Removal Theme" deck can't cast Doom Blade, activate Executioner's Capsule, react with Avatar of Woe, or sacrifice Vile Requiem to stop our nonsense as long as it is our turn.

Bonus Tip: If you are worried about your opponents removing core pieces to a combo or your commander, Myrel's ability enables an infinite stall strategy in the absence of a certified Magic: The Gathering judge. Never pass turn, never lose your cards. Awesome!

Later in the deck, we attempt to dissuade attacks made against us using some pillow fort tactics. More on that later.


Ability Two: Math Class

After surviving a round at the table, Myrel's second ability allows us to create a 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens on each of her attacks for each Soldier we control. Without intervention and only Myrel on the field, it will only take us 7 turns to acquire enough 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens to justify the minimum count of 127 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens I suggest buying and sleeving alongside this deck.

With Mondrak or Anointed Procession on the field, you will run out of 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens by turn five of attacking.

With Mondrak and Anointed Procession, your 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature token supply will only last three turns of these attacks.

Remember, these metrics do not account for scenarios where your opponents donate additional token doublers to you in game. For this reason, if feasible, I recommend filling a large trading card box with 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens just to be safe.


Between these two potent, unique abilities, Myrel can overrun or combo out with her constructed army of 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens. To see how we use these to lose friends and games at a fast and efficient rate, continue following the guide.

Losing Friends

Kuldotha Forgemaster and Oswald Fiddlebender: Two major lose conditions of this deck are to wear down our opponents through resource attrition and fun attrition, but in order to get these plans moving, we require very specific artifacts. Kuldotha Forgemaster and Oswald Fiddlebender allow us to skip card draw and tutor these artifacts directly to the battlefield.

M̴̕ͅì̶͓n̵̩̆d̵̍͜s̵͎̀l̶̋ͅa̶͚͊v̸͇͋ẻ̷̖ṛ̶͊: I̴̜͛f̸̲̍ ̷͔͐Ȋ̸̦ ̷͓̔a̵͓̓l̷͈̒ẅ̷́ͅả̶̩y̷̖̒s̴̤͛ ̶̣̀ẇ̸̫i̶͇͝n̸̝͊ ̶͔͋w̷͚̉ḥ̶̏i̸̗̔l̵͓͐e̸͉̾ ̵̲̋g̶͑͜o̸̤̍l̸̞͑d̷̻͠f̶̢̃i̶̫͐s̸̖̍h̷͇͂i̷̜͊n̵̻̅g̴̳͘ ̶̼̓I̵̻͑ ̷̢͝s̷͉̾h̶͖͐a̸̼͑l̸͔̓l̴̼̿ ̶̯͘b̶̟͝r̵̹͂i̷̧̔ň̶̹g̵̮̐ ̵̢̇ť̵̨ĥ̷̯é̶̫ ̸̥̏g̷̭̓ö̵̤́l̵͔͝d̵̥̄f̸͈̈́i̸̟̎ŝ̴̰h̷̛̺ȋ̸̯n̶̟͝ĝ̸̢ ̸̞͑t̶͍̊ŏ̵̺ ̶̻̎t̵̪̏h̸̫̚ẽ̷̮ ̶̭̓t̶̛͙ā̷͓b̴̰̈́ļ̸͘e̷͇͒.̶͇̆

Mycosynth Lattice: Mycosynth Lattice is one of those cards that can combo with a ham sandwich. Get it to the field, and there's no shortage of four ways to lose!

Martyr's Bond: I mentioned earlier we have some pillow fort theme cards in this deck and Martyr's Bond is not one of them. This is actually a stax card disguised as a pillow fort card, and because I am in mono-white, I might be able to get away with that bullshit. If this card is a pillow fort card, then Dictate of Erebos is a group hug card.


Losing Games

Cut a Deal and Secret Rendezvous: Drawing cards is great! Splitting card draw is considerate, but really bad. As a pls, however, these are two of the only ways we have in the deck to make our friends think twice for even a second about whether or not they want to keep us in their pod.

Graaz, Unstoppable Juggernaut and Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite: This is a combo deck, but if we want to keep playing it, we do need to bleed friends at a slow, constant rate rather than hemorrhage them all at once. Losing by failing to deal enough combat damage is widely considered fair and "in the spirit of the format". These two Phyrexian bombshells will help us achieve that end with the added bonus of drawing a small amount of ire with the latter's secondary ability[2].

Playing Mono-White: Potentially our best chance at keeping our wins to losses ratio low. By playing mono-white, we commit to the worst collection of cards for all matters regarding card draw, ramp, and win conditions. By depriving ourselves of all things that work well in EDH, we can ensure that we only win on accident of through sheer degeneracy.

Losing your friends via resource attrition is this decks ideal method of losing. Players affected by these combos are far more likely to scoop immediately in response to everything they have worked for vanishing than continuing through the pain and suffering of a match with us. As such, it is important to know our paths to losing via resource attrition well! Below is a short, visual guide on how to lose via resource attrition.

Mycosynth Lattice + Karn, the Great Creator = Lost Friendship


Mycosynth Lattice + Ajani, Strength of the Pride + At least 15 life more than your starting life total = Lost Friendship


Mycosynth Lattice + Consulate Crackdown = Lost Friendship


Mycosynth Lattice + Martyr's Bond + 1/1 Soldier artifact creature token x 127 = Lost Friendship


While resource attrition can do a good job at losing us friends, we must be mindful while using it. If each other player at the table scoops after we use one of these combos, that makes us a de facto winner. While a win every now and again can be a bit of a bummer, winning too frequently can really hurt the play experience of this deck which is why we also have access to fun attrition as a lose condition.

Losing your friends via fun attrition is a far more effective route to losing them, but it generally costs much more in the long run and can be harmful or lethal to the pilot's physical wellbeing. These combos will allow you to play two decks instead of one for as long as the other players at the table permit it. With this great power, these combos are considered forbidden by most, requiring intense resource commitment and hate in the pilots heart in order to enact it on another player. Since these methods often only target a single friend at a time, it is recommended that you target either the one you know you can live without or the other least liked player at the table. Below is a short, visual guide on how to lose via fun attrition.

Myrel, Shield of Argive + Mindslaver + Ironsoul Enforcer = Lost Friendship


Myrel, Shield of Argive + Mindslaver + Buried Ruin + Crucible of Worlds = Lost Friendship


Myrel, Shield of Argive + Mindslaver + Inventors' Fair + Mistveil Plains + Crucible of Worlds = Lost Friendship


Myrel, Shield of Argive + Mindslaver + Mistveil Plains + Kuldotha Forgemaster + 1/1 Soldier artifact creature token x 3 + Any Other White Permanent = Lost Friendship

Utilizing fun attrition is a great way to sever ties with one particular friend for an extended period of time, as well as lose the game fast! Once one friend is down for the count, your other podmates will almost certainly (and unfairly) identify you as a threat. This is what makes fun attrition so potent for our deck. In one fell swoop, we can almost surefire lose a friend and a game in one go. It is important to remain wary while doing this, however, as losing via fun attrition can be directly and physically harmful to you as a pilot. Try to vary your losses so you don't draw too much attention to fast and avoid sharp objects while attempting these.

Losing games is significantly easier to do than losing friends and, as such, the section on it will be far shorter.

The key tip to losing games is to forget entirely about the aforementioned combos and instead opt to play as if you are piloting a Soldier Tribal deck. Using cards like Mondrak, Glory Dominus and Anointed Procession alongside our commander, amass a huge army of 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens. Notably different from the standard playstyle of losing friends, however, we will intend on using these 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens solely for combat (either blocking or attacking our opponents). By doing this, we remove any synergies our deck may have had before, and commit to playing a mono-white tokens (1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creatures in our case) deck, which almost always suck.


If you want to appear as though you are attempting to win a game to your friends, cards such as Graaz, Unstoppable Juggernaut, Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite, Forsaken Monument, and the Emblem of Elspeth, Sun's Champion can do wonders in making us look like we are playing the game despite not having played any of our standard cards like Martyr's Bond, Ashnod's Altar, or Kuldotha Forgemaster.

A bonus tactic you can try when slowing down the loss of your Vorthos friends is trying to come up with a silly little reason for why Myrel's 1/1 colorless Soldier artifact creature tokens are working alongside New Phyrexian brutes like Graaz. Maybe cast Portal to Phyrexia and then follow up with Graaz, explaining that the juggernaut came through the newly opened portal to aid our forces! With a little creativity, we can keep our lore loving friends a straw-snap away from flipping the table and leaving game night early (right where we want them!)

[1] According to the TCGPlayer Mkt button, TappedOut.net, 2/23/2023

[2] Fun Fact: Elesh Norn has two different cards that share Myrel's unique trait of being mono-white and having two powerful abilities instead of one bad one.

Conclusion

With that, you now know how to lose friends and lose games like a pro. I hope you enjoyed reading this guide as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I wish the best of luck to you all in your games, your lives, and all potentially dangerous situations piloting this deck puts you in.

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93% Casual

Competitive

Revision 5 See all

(10 months ago)

-127 Soldier token
+127 Soldier 1/1 C token
Top Ranked
Date added 1 year
Last updated 10 months
Legality

This deck is Commander / EDH legal.

Rarity (main - side)

12 - 0 Mythic Rares

39 - 0 Rares

19 - 0 Uncommons

8 - 0 Commons

Cards 100
Avg. CMC 3.58
Tokens Ajani's Pridemate, Elephant 3/3 G, Emblem Elspeth, Sun's Champion, Human Soldier 1/1 W, Soldier, Soldier 1/1 W, Treasure
Folders new decks, Ready Random Decks (EDH), To Try
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