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I used to be a huge piece of shit

Commander / EDH BRG (Jund)

yD

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Creature (36)

Land (30)

Instant (9)

Enchantment (4)

Commander (1)

Commander: The Beamtown Bullies

Sorcery (13)

Artifact (6)

Planeswalker (1)

A Jund chaos‑politics deck built around donating the worst creatures ever printed. You fill your graveyard with massive downside monsters, then let The Beamtown Bullies “gift” them to opponents with haste. They get the creature… and all the horrible text box that comes with it. You get the table politics, the laughter, and usually the win. This deck weaponizes drawbacks, punishes greed, and turns every game into a story.

Game Plan (Short Version) • Set up the yard: Loot, mill, and tutor your worst creatures (Faithless Looting, Grisly Salvage, Jarad’s Orders). • Donate disasters: Use the Bullies to reanimate things like Leveler, Eater of Days, Bronze Bombshell, Desecration Elemental, or any of the Hunted creatures. • Grind value: Greater Good, Garna, Juri, Falkenrath Noble, and recursion keep the engine humming. • Close the game: Opponents fold under their own cursed creatures, or you finish with combat, drains, or a Living Death blowout.

Notable Combos & Interactions • Leveler / Eater of Days + The Bullies Give it to an opponent → they exile their library or skip two turns → creature gets exiled → downside stays. A classic “oops, you don’t get to play anymore.” • Bronze Bombshell + Bullies Donate it → it dies → 7 damage to that opponent. Repeatable burn that scales with recursion. • Desecration Elemental Opponent gets a 10/10 that forces them to sacrifice creatures every time anything dies. Turns the whole table into a meat grinder. • Soulgorger Orgg / Phyrexian Soulgorger They get a huge creature with upkeep life loss or sacrifice requirements. You get a free clock on their life total. • Hunted Cycle (Horror, Troll, Wumpus, Dragon) You give one opponent a big creature, and everyone else gets free tokens to attack them with. Perfect political chaos. • Greater Good + Big Bodies Sacrifice your own fatties for massive card draw, then reanimate them again later. • Living Death A table reset that usually becomes a one‑sided massacre for you.

Why Play This Deck • You love chaos with purpose • You enjoy politics and table talk • You want every creature to be a mini‑game • You like winning through stories, not spreadsheets • You want to weaponize cards no one else would ever sleeve

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Revision 1 See all

(5 days ago)

-1 Anguished Unmaking main
+1 Avaricious Dragon main
+1 Avatar of Woe main
+1 Bronze Bombshell main
+1 Grab the Prize main
+1 Hired Giant main
-1 Hunted Lammasu main
+1 Hunted Wumpus main
+1 Lava Hounds main
+1 Lotleth Troll main
-1 Sky Swallower main
+1 Soulgorger Orgg main
+1 Tyvar, Jubilant Brawler main
-1 Wormfang Manta main