Salamanders?! Why did it have to be Salamanders?

Gor Muldrak arrives on the island of Arixmethes to explore the hidden legendary golden city of Orazca, home to a mythical charm that is foretold to bring life to the world in the face of hopelessness. Upon his arrival to the island however, he learns that the village of the Amphin tribe of salamanders has been destroyed by the Cephalid Emperor and Empress: Aboshan and Llawan. Gor Muldrak teams up with the salamanders, promising to help them reclaim their homeland in return for guidance to the hidden city. On their adventure they brave the dangerous creatures and monstrosities that lurk among the thick forest and even thicker marshes. Somewhere along the journey they are driven from the path by a swarm of Scutes and stumble into the sunken ruins of Azcanta, where they find the Cephalids performing strange rituals. They learn that the Cephalids have uncovered an ancient form of Eldrazi magic, and plan to summon Eldrazi horrors that will reap revenge on the landwalkers of the island for forcing them into hiding among the underwater caverns. Although hope seems lost, the adventurers are chased away and flee to the Golden City of Orazca, hidden deep in the jungle of Arixmethes. The city is riddled with hidden traps, claiming the lives of many a brave salamander during the pursuit. At last, Gor Muldrak reaches the pinnacle of the winged temple, where he finds the charm and awakens Arixmethes from his slumber. The terrifying behemoth drives fear into the hearts of the Cephalids, who lose control of the Eldrazi they summoned. The Cephalids flee in terror both from the ancient leviathan and the now-masterless Eldrazi. The Amphins let out a cry of victory, praising Gor Muldrak for saving their village. As a symbol of gratitude, The Amphin offer him their most valued possessions. Gor Muldrak, however, has another idea. Refusing to take what little the Amphins have left, Gor Muldrak instead decides to get laid forever and have 100 slimy salamander mistresses before he dies from a rare form of frog-chlamydia.

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