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The Ex-Boyfriend Deck

Commander / EDH* BR (Rakdos) Casual Convoke Mercenary Outlaw Theft

BirdieGirlie

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Creature (32)

Land (35)

Enchantment (8)

Instant (8)

Commander (1)

Commander: Laughing Jasper Flint

Sorcery (12)

Artifact (5)

Maybeboard

Creature (9)

Instant (4)

Sorcery (9)

Enchantment (2)

Artifact (7)

Land (2)

The long and short of it is, when the guy I was dating broke up with me (different guy from deck: Feeding Slimes to the Orcish Librarian if you can believe that!) I...acquired this deck from him, in the spirit of Laughing Jasper Flint himself! My friends in my playgroup gave this deck its name. And just like how every failed relationship in your life makes you better and wiser for your next one, I'm gonna make it better than he ever could!!!

I'm starting by making it legal - he had two copies of Treasure Dredger and two copies of Vault Robber!!!

I also have/had another black/red commander deck (Just let them rip each other to pieces! 2.0) that doesn't work well, and I've already begun to rip (haha) apart that will be my first source of upgrades to this deck, bc I have the cards physically already.

Any suggestions would be awesome! I really want to focus on the theft aspect!

Edit 2/1/26:

Ordered some cards and made significant revisions!

For this revision, my #1 focus was on my access to mana. Red/black isn't really known for that lol and I want to be able to actually cast as many of the cards I steal as possible! The most notable additions on that front are cards like Mana Geyser, Black Market, and Thran Dynamo

I also realized that being able to commit crimes easily (the mechanic not the other thing) was super important and would benefit me a lot. I added ways to do that cheaply, like Kyren Negotiations, Nezumi Graverobber  , and Orcish Spy.

My decks usually don't have very much counterplay or interactions. I like to make my decks do something cool and just ignore everyone else and try and make that cool thing I do naturally counter/overwhelm my opponents. But the games I've played so far with Laughing Jasper Flint have showed me just how terrified people are of him, and I realized I need to have ways to fight back in the same way! I had already added Humble Defector as a distraction/bargaining chip, but now I've also added Royal Assassin, Mob, Cut / Ribbons, etc.

Finally, I have tried to like spread gamebreaking and/or game-ending power more evenly through the deck. Before I feel like I had like only 3 cards in the deck that were so powerful they could end the game, and then I'd see what I stole from my opponents and go from there. Not very safe or consistent. Now, I can tap into that kind of power much more easily! I have Nezumi Graverobber   if I can flip it, Grenzo, Dungeon Warden, Back in Town, Insurrection, and to top it all off, I've chosen my new cards extremely carefully to support hat tribal with Haberthrasher!!!

I'll test it out today I hope!!! Will report back!!!

Edit 2/2/26 - post-playtests:

My dear friends! I am so happy!!!! IT WORKS! :D :D :D

I played two games. In game 1, Kyren Negotiations+Magda, the Hoardmaster was the MVP! I had Kyren in my opening hand, drew Magda soon after, and got a treasure a turn once both were in place and it worked so well! And here I was on the fence about keeping her at all!

I had a really good amount of counterplay and graveyard recursion that let me bring Magda back from the grave a couple times to keep making more mana! This game was really evenly matched power level wise until the very end, and my opponents were no slouches! They were all TERRIFIED of my deck and complimented it a lot!!!! It was really so gratifying. That game ended in a 3-way tie for last bc one guy got down a Seedborne Muse and then also something that gave all his spells flash and idfk what else crazy but we all agreed at that point we'd lost lol!

In Game 2, my hand started out with just lots of cheap creatures, so by the time I got out my commander, my upkeep theft triggers were really big off the bat! I also happened to have Dunerider Outlaw in my opening hand against three decks that all had green in them lololol. One of my opponents was mono green ramp/elfball so I stole a lot from them to also ramp, but I misunderstood how their cards worked so I didn't realize I could have won literally on my second theft trigger! Then on the next turn that player got an infinite mana combo and won ;P a really fun game too!!!

So excited to keep playing with this deck!!! It was so much fun!!!!

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Edits... — July 31, 2026
Edit

I love this deck so much but I feel like it ends up stalling out at a certain point unless I am very lucky - especially since it relies so heavily on the commander. So here's a list of some cards I think I should replace:

Glimpse the Impossible -- not 100% sure why this always feels so icky and uncomfortable for me to play but it does.

Skullclamp -- I end up not wanting any of my outlaws to die so while it works well, it also doesn't feel so great for me to play. I feel the same about Deadly Dispute.

Sol Talisman -- too slow. Wayyyy too slow. As is Suspended Sentence. It's also so telegraphed it feels so awkward to even try to play.

Crowd's Favor doesn't feel worth having in the deck even though it can be free via convoke. There have to be other, better convoke effects out there.

Rakish Crew -- feels underwhelming. I feel like there aren't many situations I would choose it over anything else. Besides, same as before, I'm trying to avoid my outlaws dying, so it's not like it's a consistently-fed effect. The mercenary token is nice, but there are other ways to get outlaws.

Underwhelming creatures: Assassin Initiate, Calamity, Galloping Inferno (too expensive), Frogtosser Banneret (not applicable too often), Gev, Scaled Scorch, Nezumi Graverobber  Flip (to my sadness!), Young Necromancer (too costed, feels bad man).

So yeah, any suggestions you have for replacements or other fixes would be great! Thank you!

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Revision 8 See all

(1 month ago)

+1 Codex Shredder maybe
+1 Desert maybe
+1 Glasses of Urza maybe
+1 Liquimetal Torque maybe
+1 Onyx Goblet maybe
+1 Scrabbling Claws maybe
+1 Shenanigans maybe
+1 Smoldering Tar maybe
+1 Tetzimoc, Primal Death maybe