Ashnod's Molasses

Casual Enchantment WU (Azorius)

Mythrilia

General Protection (10)

• 2x Equipoise
• 2x Greater Auramancy
• 2x Leyline of Sanctity
• 1x Mana Web
• 2x Shimmer
• 1x Storage Matrix

Land (23)

• 4x Flooded Strand
• 1x Serra's Sanctum
• 8x Snow-Covered Island
• 6x Snow-Covered Plains
• 4x Tundra

Misc & Support (8)

• 1x Feldon's Cane
• 1x Grafdigger's Cage
• 1x In the Eye of Chaos
• 1x Replenish
• 3x Rhystic Study
• 1x Sanguine Sacrament

Unglued! (8)

• 2x Censorship
• 1x Chaos Confetti
• 2x Charm School
• 2x Psychic Network
• 1x Sorry

Creature Protection (6)

• 1x Authority of the Consuls
• 1x Humility
• 1x Moat
• 2x Propaganda
• 1x Sphere of Safety

Win Conditions (3)

• 2x Court of Cunning
• 1x Energy Vortex

Another Round! (2)

• 2x Ashnod's Coupon

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Sideboard

Other (15)

• 1x Breath of Dreams
• 1x Circle of Protection: Artifacts
• 1x Circle of Protection: Black
• 1x Circle of Protection: Blue
• 1x Circle of Protection: Green
• 1x Circle of Protection: Red
• 1x Circle of Protection: Shadow
• 1x Circle of Protection: White
• 1x Drought
• 1x Energy Flux
• 1x Glaciers
• 1x Justice
• 1x Lifeblood
• 1x Warmth
• 1x Wrath of Marit Lage

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Maybeboard

Other (14)

• 1x Archaeomancer's Map
• 1x Aura Thief
• 1x Crawlspace
• 1x Delaying Shield
• 1x Flooded Shoreline
• 1x Monologue Tax
• 1x Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx
• 1x Overburden
• 1x Second Chance
• 1x Sleeping Potion
• 1x Soul Barrier
• 1x Sphinx's Revelation
• 1x Supreme Verdict
• 1x Web of Inertia

Replace Unglued Cards (10)

• 2x Energy Field
• 2x Mesmeric Orb
• 4x Ponder
• 2x Wheel of Sun and Moon

Cost Save: Replace "Tundra" with: (8)

• 4x Glacial Fortress
• 4x Nimbus Maze

Cost Save: Replace "Moat" with: (1)

• 1x Teferi's Moat

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Okay so let's start with the obvious: You can't play this deck in a tournament :)

This deck has gone through a number of changes over the years. When it was first put together, there wasn't even a viable win condition (okay, technically it was The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service). Instead of focusing on winning, it was built to have fun with some friends. It was "Friday Night Magic" before that was a formal thing that Wizards capitalized on.

While posting this deck I've also stumbled upon some other "Ashnod" themed decks and even though they are quite different in how they play I want to give a shoutout to them here: Esper Alcoholics and Ashnod's Fridge.

Card Rationale

Another Round!

• 2x Ashnod's Coupon - You're having fun with friends, so enjoy another round! (Please make sure to look at the errata to avoid arguments over the bill)

Unglued!

So this was the whole premise of starting the deck - have fun with friends in a weird way; stick things on your forehead, dance around like an idiot, use absurd mechanics to "win," etc. In the past the deck included Bureaucracy, I'm Rubber, You're Glue, and Knight of the Hokey Pokey to have even more "fun," but Bureaucracy could conflict with Charm School, speaking in rhymes lasted for about 3 whole sentences, and having the Knight as the only creature in the deck didn't make sense, so that too got dropped. So without further ado:
• 2x Censorship - Given that you've probably had a few drinks already (regardless of whether or not you've used Ashnod's Coupon), this card gets to be a lot of fun. Here's a starter list of words that you might want to have people not say (but remember this includes you too):

  Censorship List Show

  • Attack
  • Cast
  • Draw
  • Done?
  • Tap
  • Turn
  • Your (not to be confused with You're and Yore)
  • Whoops

  I'm sure you can think of others :)
• 1x Chaos Confetti - The myth, the legend. This card is just way too much fun to have on the board - even if you don't end up using it. All of a sudden your opponent(s) really spread out their card placement. I carry some extra basic-land with the deck to act as stand-ins to rip up so that I don't have to destroy this gem.
• 2x Charm School - This card can really slow the game down, but you're already planning to do that. Being able to protect yourself adds another level of protection for you to play even more absurd cards. Bonus points because it'll improve your posture.
• 2x Psychic Network - A lot of card games (okay, drinking games) have mechanics like this, now Magic does too.
• 1x Sorry - Just one more thing to remember during the game that adds a little extra fun, similar to Censorship.

Win Conditions

Win Conditions! When this deck was first put together the only win condition was to play The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service. Ha. Even though the card is "blue," it required two red mana to cast. That meant there were a few other cards to enable you to play the card: Sunglasses of Urza, Blacker Lotus, and Celestial Dawn were all in the deck at one point. In order to pump the spell up, the deck also contained Iceberg and Ice Cauldron (one of my all time favorite artworks) to enable mana storage. Long story short, this didn't really work well and the game was less fun because of how well everything else got locked down. Therefore, a change was needed:

• 2x Court of Cunning - MILLING! Okay there are probably better ways to do this, but this seemed like an obvious choice, especially for only 3 mana. Paired with Grafdigger's Cage (discussed later) it prevents your opponent from casting things from their graveyard back into play.

• 1x Energy Vortex - This deck generates a pretty good amount of mana, and this seemed like a good spot to dump it into. Plus, it also helps with locking down your opponent on their turn (since they'll have to spend their own mana to not take the damage). I personally think this is an incredibly underrated card and was thrilled to be able to put it into a deck.

Land

• 4x Flooded Strand - Mana starvation is probably the single most frustrating thing in Magic, and this lets you fetch those much needed lands that much faster without bloating your deck with unnecessary land.

• 1x Serra's Sanctum - You have a lot of enchantments, why not get a bunch of mana from them?

• 8x Snow-Covered Island + 6x Snow-Covered Plains - You need "normal" land of some sort. I thought it'd be entertaining to have snow-covered flavor. They aren't used for anything specific, I just thought it'd be odd to have a bunch of snow covered lands in a deck. That's it.

• 4x Tundra - It's a white/blue deck, so why not have white/blue land? Nowadays, these cost a boatload of money if you don't already have them, so look at alternative dual lands (like Nimbus Maze or Glacial Fortress). I actually prefer to use the Revised lands (or Unlimited) because they are a lot easier to find when you're searching for them with your fetch lands.

Creature Protection

There's honestly not a lot else to say about this section, the cards are all pretty straightforward. They're all intended to marginalize your opponent's creatures or prevent them from attacking you.

• 1x Authority of the Consuls - This doesn't have the long-lasting impact of many of the other enchantments here, but it does slow your opponent(s) down a little bit. The extra life is also pretty nice.

• 1x Humility - Shrinks everything down to a more manageable size. This hits all creatures too, even ones with hexproof or shroud, since it doesn't specifically target them.

• 2x Propaganda + 1x Sphere of Safety - These all force your opponent to do something in order to enable attacks to happen.

• 1x Moat - A hard lock on non-flying creatures attacking you (honestly doesn't add a ton to the deck anymore, but it can still be fun). If you're looking for something cheaper that has a similar impact, take a look at Teferi's Moat.

General Protection

Creature protection is great, but sometimes you run into a deck has other win conditions. So... here's a shot at protecting yourself.

• 2x Greater Auramancy - It is important to start with these in this section because these keep everything else "safe." Sure, there are some board wipes you might run into (rationale for including Feldon's Cane and Replenish), but dropping even one of these protects just about everything else you'll play. If you play both they will protect one another.

• 2x Equipoise + 2x Shimmer - Phasing?! Yes. I know it is annoying, and that's the whole damn point. These cards are about slowing down your opponent's ability to get anything started. Limiting their ability to generate mana is key, but forcing them to phase out creatures and artifacts can have a huge impact as well. As a reminder, you have 0 creatures, and only a few artifacts that might actually be in play. With Equipoise you'll effectively phase out ALL of your opponent's creatures. The ping-pong for lands of having both Shimmer and Equipoise on the field at the same time is just nasty.

• 1x Mana Web + 1x Storage Matrix - Similar to the above cards, these really help lock down what your opponent can do by limiting their available resources.

• 2x Leyline of Sanctity - Once this card came out it was an instant add to the deck. This is a "real" version of Charm School. It may cost one more mana, but you don't have to balance it on your head (and you can play it for free if it is in your opening hand). You've probably got creatures on lockdown based on the above section, so this one helps with burn style decks.

Miscellaneous and Support Cards

• 1x Feldon's Cane + 1x Replenish - These cards exist in case there is a board wipe, or for some reason one of your enchantments got buried or countered earlier in the game, you can play these. The mechanics are a little different, and that's by design to give you some flexibility. Also an important note here, these aren't blocked by Grafdigger's Cage (up next) because you're not casting anything from the graveyard, you're returning them from the graveyard.

• 1x Grafdigger's Cage - Since one of the win conditions is forcing your opponent to mill away their deck, and some decks are literally built around casting creatures from their graveyard, preventing this is key. Not only does this card lock down casting anything from players' graveyards, it has an often-overlooked added bonus of locking out the ability to cast cards from a player's library.

• 1x In the Eye of Chaos - This card helps to lockdown any other decks that might rely on instants or sorceries. You only have one of each (Replenish + Sanguine Sacrament) so this card won't seriously impact you.

• 3x Rhystic Study - Card draw. More = better. Enough said.

• 1x Sanguine Sacrament - 'Cause more life is cool? Dunno really, just kinda thought to add it. The nice thing about this is that it also cycles back into your library after use.

Cards Removed from the Deck:

These are cards that were in the deck but have since been removed.

• 1x Aurification - This turns everything into a wall (okay "Defender" is apparently what the kids are calling it these days) once it has attacked you. I opted to keep Moat in the deck and removed Aurification. They're the same cost, and while Aurification does have the benefit of preventing flying creatures from attacking you, it also allows creatures to attack you one time first.

• 1x Chaos Confetti

• 1x Web of Inertia

Date added	6 years
Last updated	2 years
Legality	This deck is Casual legal.
Rarity (main - side)	33 - 3 Rares 9 - 6 Uncommons 4 - 6 Commons
Cards	60
Avg. CMC	2.68
Tokens	Monarch Emblem