Big D*ck Goblins

Pioneer Aristocrats BR (Rakdos) BRG (Jund) Goblins Tokens

Magic_Faqs

Creature (32)

• 4x Bomat Courier
• 4x Fanatical Firebrand
• 3x Goblin Chainwhirler
• 4x Goblin Instigator
• 2x Krenko, Tin Street Kingpin
• 3x Mayhem Devil
• 2x Reckless Bushwhacker
• 2x Siege-Gang Commander
• 4x Skirk Prospector
• 4x Wily Goblin

Land (18)

• 4x Blood Crypt
• 2x Canyon Slough
• 2x Fabled Passage
• 7x Mountain
• 3x Swamp

Instant (3)

• 3x Status / Statue

Sorcery (3)

• 3x Call of the Death-Dweller

Enchantment (4)

• 4x The Flame of Keld

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Sideboard

Instant (5)

• 3x Abrade
• 2x Fry

Enchantment (2)

• 2x Leyline of the Void

Artifact (2)

• 2x Damping Sphere

Sorcery (3)

• 2x Crumble to Dust
• 1x Dreadbore

Creature (3)

• 2x Goblin Piledriver
• 1x Goblin Trashmaster

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The current Pioneer meta is kinda like watching a drunk dancer at a gentlemen's club: although it's a completely cringe mess that's not worth your money, you can't wait to see her stumble and bust her face. The recent updates to the banned/restricted list removed key pieces from the top meta decks. Lotus Breach loss Underworld Breach. Mono White Devotion lost Walking Ballista. And Dimir Inverter lost Inverter of Truth. With 2 dreaded combo decks effectively neutered, some of the top decks in the meta are creature based. Mono Black Aggro lost no key pieces, but I'm proud to say that Big D*ck Goblins was not neutered either and will come out swinging!

Selfless Sacrifice

Bomat Courier not only gets in for early damage, but can help replenish our hands when they start to get a little empty. Fanatical Firebrand has a similar benefit, but rather than card advantage provides targeted damage. You're probably scratching your butt thinking, "That's fine Doctor, but I'm still not feeling the burn yet." Well don't worry, no amount of condoms will save you from this. These two creatures have one-thing in common: self sacrifice. This is where I will justify why we are dipping into black: Mayhem Devil. This fiendishly charming devil has synergy with a lot of the deck. Skirk Prospector and Wily Goblin provide mana acceleration. Wily Goblin gives us a token that can be sacrificed but is also a prime sacrifice target for Skirk Prospector as well.

Cheek Clappers

Grab your EpiPen because this shit will have nuts in it. Goblin Chainwhirler is making a reappearance. 1 damage to all of our opponent's creatures may not seem like much, but we have ways of giving this kinky chain fiend deathtouch. Status / Statue not only gives our Chainwhirler this perk, but can also be used on Mayhem Devil for instant targeted removal. Just note that due to a slight lack of forests, we will not be casting the Statue side very often. We can theoretically solve this by using a treasure token from Wily Goblin, but it's pointless if we are giving a pinger deathtouch. Call of the Death-Dweller is significantly potent in the deck for numerous reasons. Besides Siege-Gang Commander, all of our potential pingers cost less than 3 mana. If we are facing a larger board presence, fear not because in case you didn't notice Goblin Chainwhirler costs 3 mana. So we can resurrect it with Call of the Death-Dweller. This means for a 3 mana investment, we are wiping our opponents board and coming out on top with our board intact as well as a 3/3 with first strike, menace and deathtouch. Now that is the greatest deal in the history of deal making.

Alternate Win Cons

The deck is capable of going wide and overwhelming our opponents. To support this approach, Reckless Bushwhacker is included for not just a little pump but also to give a quickly assembled board haste. Siege-Gang Commander not only gives us a wider board, but a sacrifice outlet in case we run into a pinch. The Flame of Keld is significant in that it not only provides pseudo card draw, but can also make our board potent regardless of whether we are pinging or swarming. Krenko, Tin Street Kingpin will help expand our board so we can overwhelm our opponents while also giving us tokens to sacrifice in the mid to late game.

The Sideboard

The sideboard contains artifact hate in the form of Abrade and Goblin Trashmaster. Trashmaster is extra potent because he can tie into the sacrifice sub-theme and pumps up our goblins. Fry helps give us responses to control and/or combo decks. With Lotus Breach no longer being a true threat, I removed x1 copy of Damping Sphere. It's still too early to see how the meta will shape up, so we will be replacing the 1 copy with a Dreadbore for more planeswalker/creature removal. Crumble to Dust will remain in the deck for now, but will be a likely contender for the next card to be removed. A recent addition to the deck is Leyline of the Void since Mono-Black Aggro has Bloodsoaked Champion, Dread Wanderer and Scrapheap Scrounger to feed to Rankle, Master of Pranks.

To avoid mana flooding, I only included two copies each of Fabled Passage and Canyon Slough. We will run into the scenario often of using Fabled Passage but having the land come in tapped. This card is really only included so we can ensure that we have access to black mana for our Status / Statue and Call of the Death-Dweller as well as deck thinning. Since we know that we will run into slow, tapped down lands, it makes sense to include Canyon Slough. The benefit is if we have enough mana but our hands are running dry, we can always trade in this cycle land to try digging for more game winners.

The deck is designed to be aggressive against the combo decks while also offering flexibility in case we face a creature-based deck. Even if facing off against a deck like Mono-Black Aggro, we still stand a decent chance because we have ways to target and remove key creatures like Rankle, Master of Pranks and Spawn of Mayhem. Their own removal means nothing because we care little for our own creatures. We have plenty of ways to sacrifice creatures that our opponents are targeting and will still come out ahead. Leave a comment providing feedback or scolding, and if you happen to use this deck let me know what you think!

Date added	3 years
Last updated	3 years
Legality	This deck is Pioneer legal.
Rarity (main - side)	19 - 6 Rares 19 - 9 Uncommons 12 - 0 Commons
Cards	60
Avg. CMC	2.38
Tokens	Goblin 1/1 R, Treasure