Welcome to ChildEater.co! In this perfect system we make kids, then eat them to make more kids, and then eat'em all & win the game! Awesome, no? Please do not intervene in our business or we shall give you a Fatal Push. (Or eat you)

CEO: Marionette Master

Fabricate for counters to make her a 4/6. Then eat (sacrifice) a bunch of our children (treasures/servos, which should be on the battlefield by the time this is cast) to steal a win! (literally)

List of Employees:

  • Dire Fleet Hoarder: A miserable low-pay bathroom cleaner that hoards everything he can find, ranging from used toilet papers to diamonds (if he ever finds any). The only time he gets useful if when being used as a meatshield in open hostilities against other companies. It's not that he blocks bullets (or swords) very well, but that when he finally dies, we'll at least get a child (treasure) from the vast collection of children he found in the bathrooms.

  • Weaponcraft Enthusiast: A weirdo that brings his children (servos) to work. We have plenty of sacrifice outlets in the company, so they will be great fodders for them. And he doesn't give a crack about whatever we do with his kids.

  • Ruthless Knave: See the orc with a sack on the thumbnail? That's him (he looks so much like a kidnapper that I had to put him up there). This dude loves to eat children (or other people) to make more children! For , we sac a creature and make two treasures. A great deal, at least from the point of view of a child-eater-company. This card's last effect can be used as a very bad Treasure Cove in desperate situations.

  • Syndicate Trafficker: This guy is a bit more interesting. He eats kids (artifacts in this case) and grows larger by doing so, while also giving himself indestructible until end of turn.

  • Yahenni, Undying Partisan: Another childivore. A hasty one. No sacrifice cost, but doesn't grow via eating kids, but via creatures controlled by the opponent dying.

  • Bontu the Glorified: Moloch the glorified. He's not happy and won't attack or block if nobody died under our control this turn. For we eat a kid, scry 1, drain our opponent, gain 1 life, and (hopefully) get some menacing damage in! Not bad at all.

Child-Eating Instruments:

  • Bontu's Monument: Black creatures a.k.a. all of our creatures cost less to cast. Plus we drain our opponent with every creature. This is a legendary, but once Marionette Master is on the battlefield we can cast a second copy and drain our opponent by sacrificing it.

  • Treasure Map  : Nice scrying, and after the third time we can create three sweet children to eat! Yay! After transformation, treasures a.k.a. children can be turned into card draw, which is awesome.

  • Arguel's Blood Fast  : This deck isn't short of lifegain. The extra life can be spent on card drawing with this card. If our life gets low (it eventually will), we can start eating our children to save ourselves. , sac a creature, gain life equal to its toughness. How literal it is!

Penalties (Removal):

  • Fatal Push: U wanna disrupt our child-eating business u noob? I play 1 mana instant, u r3kt. Self-explanatory removal in every deck containing black.

  • Vraska's Contempt: Removal (duh) against stubborn things like gods or planeswalkers. If you fall into the category of "stubborn things", watch out, as we have hired Vraska on 24-hour duty.

Stock (Mana) Base:

Sideboard:

Our sideboard is filled with backup penalty options:

  • Duress: You will be Duressed if we suspect you are playing some evil control deck or other creature-light decks, as these decks violate the ideal of ChildEater.co.

  • Doomfall: If you outlive your usefulness (Bolas's own words in the flavor text!), Doomfall will be bestowed upon you.

  • Essence Extraction: If you're playing some sort of aggro deck, we'd be more than happy to eat your children instead of ours for some sweet lifegain.

  • Lost Legacy: If dangerous combo pieces are hidden in your deck, we will snatch them.

  • Dispossess: If you are in possession of Gifts, vehicles, Aetherflux Reservoirs, or other wicked artifacts, they shall be Dispossessed.

  • Hour of Glory: It might as well be another contempt, which is better in almost any case, but that thing's expensive. ChildEater.co isn't that big a company that we can afford it yet.

Other sideboard cards include:

So, this is kinda a hybrid between mono-black aggro and a combo deck. The combo is Marionette Master + Treasures, but the deck's got a bunch of aggressive critters that can win the game on their own.

The company's original owner (the creator of this deck) is SaffronOlive, or "the good ol' cringy mtggoldfish guy". The only thing I really did was to make a few small changes in the sideboard and come up with the "ChildEater.co" theme to add some comedy to the deck.

Happy tapping (or child eating)!

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Compare to inventory
Date added 11 months
Last updated 10 months
Legality

This deck is Standard legal.

Cards 60
Avg. CMC 2.78
Tokens 1/1 Servo
Folders wow, that's mean, I love it, XLN standard, Deck Ideas, Standard, budget, budget standard, Standard, Cool, test, budget, See all 15
Top rank #31 on 2018-02-12
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