Alright, here we go
Let's start off with our characters
Mel Gibson= Marble priest, because he's a damn priest and he's a total hunk
Joaquin Phoenix= Bushi Tenderfoot, because you think he's adorable, then blam! He's beating the shit outta a muthahfuckah
Little Girl= Abigail Breslin, not much more to say on that one
Youthful Scholar= Rory Culkin, I know, it's a flavor fail that he doesn't actually die in the movie, but the kid has got his nose in that book the whole movie (besides, that's what reanimate is for)
Thraben Inspector= That cop, inspectin' all the weird shit going on
Doomed Traveller= Mel Gibson's dead wife
Fabled Hero= M. Night Shyamalan himself, the hero for the water thing and bringing us the movie that defined a whole generation
Crow of Dark Tidings= the bird that died
Thraben Foulbloods= The Hess family's dead dogs
Thraben Doomsayer= Bookstore owner claiming it was all a conspiracy to sell soda
Invisible Stalker= That son of a bitch outside Abigail Breslin's room who jumps up on the house and then teases Mel in the cornfield
Goatnapper= Because the Aliens are stealing people, damn it
Mirror Entity= That one at the Brazilian birthday party, also they're chameleons, ohhhhhhhhhh shit
Escaped Shapeshifter= You really should have killed this one Mel
Univited Geist= Seriously Mel, you fucked up, now it's in your house and has your kid
Then we have our artifacts
Runaway Carriage= The car that killed Mel Gibson's wife
Tamiyo's Journal= The alien book little McCulkin bought, has all sorts of knowledge in it
Wooden Stake= The closest thing I could find to a bat
Then, we have our story moments, I'll try to go in order
1-Crop Sigil= Punks messing with Mel's crops (but it's actually aliens)
2-Nausea= The sheriff telling Mel the dumb story about an old lady spittin' on all the skateboards, ugh, she won't be eating for a week
3-All Suns' Dawn= The lights in sky!
4-Blind With Anger= Mel gets all weird when he swears
5-Leap= Excluding the possibility of female Scandinavian Olympians, how the hell did he get up there?
6-Pore Over the Pages= Rory buys the book, then he and Abigail read the bejeezus out of it
7-Fear= The Brazilian birthday party scene
8-Claustrophobia= Mel visits M Night, and somehow the intrepid hero managed to lock an alien in the closet all by himself. Also Mel embarrasses himself with that paddy-wagon line
9-Survive the Night= After the last meal, try to keep your family away from the aliens Mel!
10-Sneak Attack= They didn't even care about the door Mel, they almost got in through the coal chute
11-Suffocating Blast= Alien poison gas got his son!
12-Tormenting Voice= "Swing away Merrill. Merrill, swing away"
13-Savage Beating= About god damn time we see someone beat the shit out of an alien
14-Part the Waterveil= Holy water motherfucker!
15-Reanimate= It's a goddamn miracle, Rory's character was always meant to have asthma so the poison gas wouldn't kill him!
As for the land, you all know aliens seem to have trouble opening doors
Rakdos the Showstopper, because really the whole thing is an allegory of keeping faith in trying times all the while facing your demons.
Anyways, that's my take on a Signs theme deck
Enjoy!
