Pursuing Perfection, Part 7: Dimir Commanders
Commander (EDH) forum
Posted on Sept. 25, 2021, 1:01 p.m. by Mana_Mythic_Legendary
Ah, Dimir. Blue-black is where you come to turn an opponent’s soul these exact colors, sidestepping their defenses in order to slip a scalpel right in their feels. Combining the thematic terror of black with all the manipulations of blue, if you think about it, is one of the most disturbing, creepy tactics in magic. Forget psychological warfare: blue-black is about marinating the psyche of your opponent in anxiety, slow-roasting it over the fires of depression, lathering it in the sauce of their own inadequacy, and finally feeding them their own deliciously barbecued will to live. Think I'm exaggerating? Consider these titles. Glimpse the Unthinkable. Ashiok, Nightmare Weaver. Freaking Brainbite!!!
If you think this comes from a place of dislike, think again. I have a deep affection for this nasty little mix. Making opponents flip their collective gourds in a sporting way makes me very, very happy. Today, we’ll be going over three primary themes of commanders who embody Dimir chicanery: Mill, Rogues, and Theft. As always, please bear in mind the point isn’t to discuss the competitive but rather to celebrate the thematic.
Mill
The magic equivalent of memory loss, mill suffers in commander: eating through 99 cards is a tall order, and opponents with an original eldrazi titan somewhere in there may well fetch you the worst insult of all and ignore you. There are ways around that, of course, but this is an inarguably uphill climb. Which, of course, makes for a delightful challenge the Dimir will gleefully help you meet. Just ask Nemesis of Reason. It’s very, very hard to protect one’s library, and there’s something truly horrible in watching all your goodies piff away without even hitting your hand.
If you’ve read this series through, you might remember that my oldest deck is mono-green. It’ll be no surprise to you, then, that when I was learning commander I lived in abject horror of Oona. Anyone running a mono-colored deck is going to feel targeted by this hideously nasty commander. Do you even need a strategy to play her, beyond ramp? Honestly, she rather plays herself: even outside her chosen prey, “Exile X” on a stick is very, very spicy, and when you’ve got your chosen prey they may well scoop when you play Kindred Discovery. Remember those eldrazi? Screw those eldrazi.
Hail the mighty poo beetle. No, it doesn’t actively mill, but HOLY BALLS OF ROLLING SHIT does it reward milling! There is a fine, fine pool of zombies in dimir colors, and when that palls you can make your own. I’ve never seen this played, but to be honest I don’t want to, especially since the mighty poo beetle will always be five mana… maybe I want to see this played. By me. Scry X? Bleed X? Army of the Damned, anyone?
Now this is general damage. This is also, in my opinion, a genuinely bad idea for those who aim for winning rather than fun. Seven mana for a 5/5 flyer who doesn’t actually do damage to opponents? Less than competitive, shall we say, but certainly neat and themey. Stuff like Dauthi Voidwalker or Leyline of the Void do nothing to undermine Szadek’s growing spree, and embiggening this already self-embiggening boi could make for a very, very scary board presence. And seeing this work, making this work, would be undeniably fun.
Rogues
I say ‘rogues’ not as the creature type, but as the overall concept of sneaky sneaks sneaking off to perpetrate sneakiness. See Rogue Class or Dimir Cutpurse and you’ll get where I’m coming from. Dimir is the guild of spies and intrigue, so it’s no surprise that blue-black rewards the “Doink! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk” playstyle. If your passion drives you toward little bodies that pilfer, plunder, or otherwise profit on the swing, look no further.
Zareth is an odd choice to be commander. He functionally has Ninjutsu, but unlike a certain upcoming favorite has no provision for command zones. If you like thinking around corners, there is actually a fair bit of support to be found. Run an aura theme, for instance, and stick Necromancer's Magemark on a spare dude. Or Phantom Wings on the man himself. Zareth will reward you, and as for the second half of his text, it’s a doozy. Mill/kill your opponent’s stuff, then steal it. Good times.
This is a heavily themed card, combining tribal, milling, and draw elements in a nice little vampiric package. Not quite the unpleasant beast that the original Anowon is, but still nice. Be sure to include Notorious Throng.
Instead of a profitable army of petty thugs, you may prefer just the one guy. For actual command damage, Szadek’s replacement has an inarguably better grasp of the job. Mill yourself. You know you can. Clone yourself an unblockable midget, then switch into a Phyrexian Dreadnought (or something similarly large but more affordable) before you tag them. This guy is an absurdly versatile toolkit. Just avoid jerks with Lignify. Hehehe…
Theft
We’ve talked thieves, now let’s talk actual yoink. Blue and black are the only colors with access to consistent, long-term swipage, and combining them inevitably brings you to a natural conclusion: why make a plan when you can steal someone else’s?
Keiga, the Tide Star called. She’s pressing charges on the grounds of copyright infringement. Dragon? Check. Six mana? Check. Theft? Big ol’ check. When combined with blink and a sac outlet, this big and greedy cheese can steal an army. And, if you do this to a super-friends player, maybe lose you a friendship.
This guy’s just neat, especially if there’s some cocky twit in your local meta who likes taking extra turns. Mill him a bit, then tag him. He’ll stop that right quick. Bonus points if you get somebody to make a custom version of this guy as a certain cosmic entity. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh, Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Do you like Sen Triplets, but not artifacts, white, or being thrown out of playgroups? Xanathar doesn’t pilfer hands, but libraries are fair game. The utility of certain tutors is suddenly very, very much in the eye of the beholder (sorry, I had to). Run stuff like Thoughtpicker Witch, Painful Memories, or Sealed Fate, and enjoy your monopoly on topdecks… I kind of want this one too.
And, for my personal favorite...
My darling, dearest Yuriko. Readers know my love for Kamigawa, so imagine my roaring delight when this beauty was released. There are 346 rogues currently in print. There are only 22 ninjas, and not all of them are good, but even the piddliest ninja becomes horrifying when Yuriko is out (and thanks to ninjutsu, she’s ALWAYS out). There’s a weird imbalance encouraged here: lots of inexpensive bodies digging for absurdly expensive spells. At the worst, you draw some cards. At absolute best, you smack the table for eleven damage by revealing Temporal Trespass… which you then cast for three mana, you magnificent bastard.
That's it for this round. Thoughts and questions are welcome. I hope you enjoyed it, and will come back next week for Rakdos!
Prior Articles:
FormOverFunction says... #3
I love Circu, Dimir Lobotomist because people dismiss his effect in EDH... until you realize that most of the EDH decks you see have something like a 25% overlap in their deck lists... ;p
Omniscience_is_life says... #2
Why would you even remind people that Dimir exists. Now I'm going to have to play against it, and no one wants that.
September 25, 2021 2:50 p.m.