Why Do Writers Seem to Enjoy Not Allowing Couples to Be Happy?
The Blind Eternities forum
Posted on Aug. 11, 2022, 10:26 p.m. by DemonDragonJ
In far too many stories that I have followed, the writers hint at romance between two characters, but then put all manner of obstacles toward those characters officially becoming a couple, and, even after the characters do officially become a couple, the writers will almost inevitable insert a conflict that causes an argument between the characters that causes them to temporarily sever their relationship, and, while the characters usually reconcile eventually, I still wonder why writers seem to enjoy doing that.
I cannot possibly list every story that I have followed in which this phenomenon has occurred, but some examples are The Big Bang Theory, Bones, Harry Potter, Code Geass nearly every series that Rumiko Takahashi has written, and, most recency, Stranger Things; after two seasons of hinting and teasing, Mike and Eleven finally became an official couple at the beginning of season three, but then Hopper ruined it and made Mike look like the instigator, which was horrible for him to do. This trope is so omnipresent in fiction that it is actually weird to see two characters become an official couple without any tension or obstacles, and I believe that that is a horrible thing to do to audiences, to lead them to expect relationships to have tension and obstacles.
What does everyone else say about this? Why do writers seem to enjoy not allowing couples to be happy?
plakjekaas says... #3
If there's no conflict, there's no story. "They lived happily ever after" is all you really need to know if it's the case, and then your story is over. If it's not the case, then it's worth telling about.
August 12, 2022 5:18 a.m.
TheOfficialCreator says... #4
I'd say that in a romance book, it's a trope that a lot of writers don't like to stray from. There is a romance I read once that did not have arguments or anything to maintain suspense, but rather court intrigue and political strife.
In non-romance romantic arcs, I can think of a few that don't have a lot of arguments. Namely, the Owl House and a lot of realistic fiction.
August 12, 2022 8:27 a.m.
Haha, Cheers! The Cheers phenomenon. You can't have Sam & Diane get together.
August 12, 2022 9:22 a.m.
TypicalTimmy says... #6
Light romanticized take on the Hero's Journey.
A story without conflict is boring and offers little in the way of character growth.
August 12, 2022 2:21 p.m.
To be fair there is plenty of growth to be had via a stable & true romance as long as there are some external factors to make it a story worth telling... It is a common thought that stable, healthy relationships are boring, but that is not even close to true. There is a whole lot of complexity to be had with how those couples handle external adversity. There is always adversity and growth, with a good writer there can even be a good amount of growth related coming to terms with being in a place of peace & stability.
August 12, 2022 4:07 p.m.
Personally, I think too many otherwise good stories have been weakened by the introduction of a generic and unnecessary romantic storyline. Platonic friends do exist.
August 12, 2022 6:29 p.m.
TheOfficialCreator says... #9
^^^^^^
I love me a good friend story more than a mediocre romance. I love my friends, but it's rare to see that platonic care translate to stories.
(If anyone has any book recommendations based on that need, I'm all for it :))
August 12, 2022 6:55 p.m.
TypicalTimmy says... #10
When you are writing a story, it doesn't matter if the lore of the text spans 10+ years. It matters that you only have a few hundred pages to deal with.
Showing the slow decline and gradual reclamation of a relationship is largely impossible. You won't fit years of nuance and history behind it all.
It's literally easier to throw in a conflict and make amends in a few short chapters.
August 13, 2022 12:27 a.m.
420MensRightsActivist says... #11
of course obstacles should be expected in a relationship. you can't expect everything to go perfectly. that kind of wishful thinking is harmful and damaging.
August 14, 2022 7:44 p.m.
TheOfficialCreator says... #12
420MensRightsActivist while yes, conflict, tension, and resolution should be expected in a relationship, it is extremely rarely dramatized to the extent that it is in media and not all relationships even have that kind of conflict.
I think a healthy portrayal of all kinds of relationships, from the near-perfect ones to the rocky ones to the downright abusive ones, is necessary to convey a more accurate picture of the world. Of course, for plot and drama purposes, writers don't often achieve this balance.
August 14, 2022 7:48 p.m.
420MensRightsActivist says... #13
legendofa platonic friends can exist if they're the same gender, but male-female friendships aren't all that common. at best, the guy is usually just biding his time thinking the woman will eventually want him as more than a friend.
August 14, 2022 7:49 p.m.
TheOfficialCreator says... #14
420MensRightsActivist I don't know that that's true. I've had many fulfilling platonic relationships with men! Of course, there are men who do sit around and try to get their friends to like them romantically, but in that time the relationship between them is still platonic! :)
I've had many friends that I've been romantically attracted to as well, but ultimately very few of them were interested back, and that was ok! I learned to love them in a different way, as some of my best friends.
August 14, 2022 7:53 p.m.
420MensRightsActivist says... #15
TheOfficialCreator i wasn't talking about how much it's dramatized, i was talking about the silly idea that people shouldn't be lead to expect problems. stories like the OP want (where couples never have problems) have already existed in disney movies, and we now see the result of the "disneyfication" of modern women expecting prince charming to come along and take them away to "happily ever after" without putting in any effort themselves.
August 14, 2022 7:53 p.m.
420MensRightsActivist says... #16
TheOfficialCreator: you can "say" they were platonic all you want, but that doesn't mean the guy wasn't hiding his intentions. theres videos on youtube of women saying the same thing (that they have platonic friends who don't want to sleep with them) but then when they get challenged on that claim and told to call the guy and say "hey wanna hook up?", the guy always says yes and the women are always so surprised.
August 14, 2022 7:55 p.m.
420MensRightsActivist says... #17
TheOfficialCreator: in the meantime, it's not platonic. if one person wants to sleep with the other, that's not platonic.
August 14, 2022 7:57 p.m.
TheOfficialCreator says... #18
420MensRightsActivist of course, there are always going to be people like that. But not everyone is like that. Idk. I live in a very platonic-centered asexual social bubble, so my experiences may not be the same as a lot of people's, but there can be committed fully platonic friendships between a man and a woman, just as there can be a committed fully platonic friendship between two lesbians or two gay men.
Ultimately, the attraction in this scenario may not be platonic but since both sides have not consented to making the relationship romantic, it's a platonic relationship.
This is somewhat off-topic anyhow.
August 14, 2022 8:02 p.m.
420MensRightsActivist says... #19
TheOfficialCreator: the whole "not everyone" argument doesn't need to be stated. i'm not saying "literally" everyone is like that, but it is the large majority. truly platonic male-female friendships are the exception, not the rule.
both sides not consenting to make the relationship romantic, does not make it platonic. platonic means that sexual intercourse isn't desired. if one person desires it, it doesn't matter that the other person doesn't, it's no longer platonic. you might be asexual yourself, but i think it's a stretch to say your male friends are asexual as well.
August 14, 2022 8:07 p.m.
Vessiliana says... #20
Well, back in Shakespeare's day, he wrote, "The course of true love never did run smooth..."
It's a thing.
Anyone who has had love knows it doesn't come easy or free.
August 15, 2022 8:41 a.m.
SteelSentry says... #21
It's the easiest way to generate drama, but it's not necessarily the only way. There's two examples that jump to mind for me with stories that have a couple that is happy but still faces adversity on their romance:
- There was an anime a while ago, "Chūnibyō demo Koi ga Shitai!" that did a high school "will they, won't they" story for season one, but the main couple got together in the season finale. When they got a second season, the adversity came from the couple learning to communicate and set boundaries and expectations, especially with a rival love interest that was introduced.
- in the Grayhawk Dungeons and Dragon novels, there was a recurring adventuring party with The Justicar (a quiet, stoic ranger) and his faerie companion Escalla (who was loud, flirty and impulsive). In the events of "Queen of the Demon Web Pits", the two are already engaged, but are separated and sent on different quests, forcing them to learn their weaknesses and grow from them. Despite that, there is plenty of time at the beginning and ending of the story where they are 'happy', and basically attached at the hip.
legendofa says... #2
It's cheap and easy drama that's easy to resolve one way or another. Build up some emotional investment for the characters and put them through some stress or another, and the goal is to get people wondering how/if they finally get their reward. If romantic tension keeps being used, there must be a market for it.
I usually gloss over the romance-y parts of a story. If the people are happy together, great! They're a good team that can rely on each other in whatever they're doing. If they're always fighting, or if they're being angsty and moony with each other, I lose interest quickly. If they're "destined" to be with each other, but problems keep coming up, I start to wonder why that relationship is worth the trouble.
I don't think Romeo and Juliet is a romantic tragedy. It reads better as a warning against recklessness and impulsivity. If you have a morbid sense of humor, it could almost be a comedy without changing too much.
August 12, 2022 12:30 a.m.