Had a mind blown a while back, thought I'd share.
The Blind Eternities forum
Posted on Oct. 24, 2014, 9:40 p.m. by Ohthenoises
Alright, first let me say that I wasn't high when I came up with this and it's going to be a stretch but it's good so bear with me.
To start, what do we know about planeswalkers?
1.) Their sparks are ignited by significant emotional and/or physical trauma.
2.) When a walker's spark ignites they instantly planeswalk away.
3.) Most walkers return to their native plane but time no longer has much meaning to a planeswalker.
Now, this is going to get a bit religious but again, bear with me.
1.) Jesus was told, at about the age of 13, that he was the son of God. Being told that your father isn't your father and that your father is God would be one HELL of a shock huh? Almost like getting told you were adopted.
2.) The bible kinda goes silent on Jesus' life from the time when he was told what/who he was until he was about 30. When he returned he was able to perform miracles like turn water into wine, give sight to the blind, and so on.
3.) The bible states that there will be a second coming of christ.
Conclusion, Jesus is a planeswalker.
He gets told that his father is God.
Planeswalks away to a plane that is reminiscent of Hell.
Planeswalks to a plane that emulates Heaven.
Learns healing magic from the Angels that reside there.
Planeswalks back to earth.
Performs miracles for the masses.
Romans get pissy.
Crucify Jesus.
Jesus isn't worried since he knows he can heal himself.
Gets put in his tomb.
Heals himself and planeswalks away.
Second coming, returns to earth 2000+ years in the future!
Mind = Blown.
Ohthenoises says... #4
I swear, I wasn't high lol.
I started doing more digging and the comparisons really fit.
October 24, 2014 9:55 p.m.
GoldGhost012 says... #5
Lol, I like this theory! The only issue is where the Mending comes into play with this. Planeswalkers don't live forever anymore after the Mending significantly altered their sparks and depowered them.
October 24, 2014 9:58 p.m.
Ragnarocker says... #6
''Jesus, Herald of Judgment''
4BW
3 loyalty
+1 Regenerate target creature.
-1 Return target creature from your graveyard to the battlefield.
-8 Exile all creatures.
"He that is not with me is against me" (Matthew 12:30)
October 24, 2014 10:04 p.m.
Ohthenoises says... #7
It should be known that that I thought this up while driving to commander sunday at my LGS. I drove past a church and went "Well, I'm kinda going to a church myself except one with blackjack and planeswalkers..... Wait a minute!"
October 24, 2014 10:08 p.m.
eh Ragnarocker, I don't like his +1. sorcery speed regenerate is so awkward.
October 24, 2014 10:13 p.m.
jandrobard says... #9
Ragnarocker, your Jesus is underpowered.
wait... WUT? That sounded weird.
October 24, 2014 10:44 p.m.
Ohthenoises ~ I don't care what you say. You were high as a kite sir.
Kidding aside this is so rational it's freaky. The first planeswalker was Jesus. That's awesome.
Big wigs at WotC talking "We have a problem. Someone's on to us"
October 24, 2014 11:12 p.m.
Jesus, Prince of Peace UWRG
Planeswalker - Jesus
0: Exile Jesus with 3 time counters on him. He gains suspend.-1: Put a divinity counter on each creature you control without a divinity counter on it. Jesus gains 1 loyalty for each creature you control with a divinity counter on it.-5: Gain control of a creature of target opponent's choice that he or she controls and put a divinity counter on it.-8: Each creature with a divinity counter on it gains "This creature hasIndestructible as long as it has a divinity counter on it" and "Remove a divinity counter from this creature: This creature deals 2 damage to target creature or player"
too long winded to be printed, but oh well. Probably still underpowered. It's hard to design a good Jesus lol
October 24, 2014 11:16 p.m.
One of his abilities should be-
-X: Jesus becomes an X/X creature with Islandwalk, Protection from black and red, indestructible, vigilance, lifelink, and "If Jesus would leave the battlefield, exile Jesus with 3 time counters on it and it gains suspend." (in case you didn't notice, it doesn't say until end of turn) ,
October 24, 2014 11:24 p.m.
Jesus, Reborn 
Planeswalker - Jesus
+1: Put a faith counter on target creature. Creatures with faith counters on them can't attack Jesus, Reborn
-2: Until your next upkeep target creature you control gets "If this creature would be destroyed or exiled by a spell or ability an opponent controls, exile this creature and then return it to the battlefield.
0: You may activate this loyalty ability any time you could cast an instant. Remove all loyalty counters from Jesus, Reborn. Put a divinity counter on target permanent you control. You get an emblem with "Permanents you control with divinity counters have indesteuctible and hexproof. Remove a divinity counter from a permanent you control: Put Jesus, Arisen onto the battlefield from anywhere."
Extremely wordy but I feel likes it's OP enough to represent Jesus (and I wanted it to be flavorful) but not so OP that it can't be answered. Or maybe I'm wrong. Thought?
October 24, 2014 11:53 p.m.
Epochalyptik ~ I'm dying to see your input on this story
Obviously Ohthenoises doesn't really believe this (and if he does then I suggest he seek psychiatric treatment IMMEDIATELY) but humor me. Lol
jwe94 says... #2
I can see it now "Jesus, the Wood-Sculptor"
October 24, 2014 9:46 p.m.