Pattern Recognition #221 - SING!

Features Pattern Recognition

berryjon

9 December 2021

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Hello everyone! This is Pattern Recognition, TappedOut.Net's longest running article series as written by myself, berryjon. I am something of an Old Fogey who has been around the block quite a few times where Magic is concerned, as as such, I use this series to talk about the various aspects of this game, be it deck design, card construction, mechanics chat, in-universe characters and history. Or whatever happens to cross my mind this week. Please, feel free to dissent in the comments below the article, add suggestions or just plain correct me! I am a Smart Ass, so I can take it.

And now, I SING!

Sung to the Tune of Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer

_You know Levar and Daria. Freylise and Windgrace.
Kristina and Taysir. Gruff and Tevesh.
But do you recall?
The Ninth Titan of them all?

Urza, the Master Artificer
Was a really big jack-ass!
And if you ever met him,
You would even hate him too.

All of the other Planeswalkers,
Laughed at him and called him names.
They never let that Urza
Join any games of Magic.

Then one sunny, shiny day,
Phyrexia Invaded!
"Urza with your Artifice!
Won't you save Dominaria tonight?"

That's how he made his Titans!
Then Urza told Yawgmoth!
"Maybe you're not such a bad guy.
Can I join you in Artifice?"

That's when Gerrard punched him!
Kicked him in the blue robes!
Urza, you silly Planeswalker!
This is why you're a bad guy!_

Sung to the Tune of The First Noel

The first Blue No, Did Garfield Say,
Was to certain Playtesters, in Alpha's Day
In decks that were built, playing blue as their crime
In the deep and dark days before '99.
Blue No!, Blue No!
Blue No, Blue No!
Blue must always say no!
For you see, he did say
In decks that play Blue
That without this, but what can they do?
Except draw, draw and draw?
Blue No!, Blue No!
Blue No, Blue No!
Blue must always say no!
And since that day, other colors have tried
To join in with Blue
But blue still says No.
Blue No!, Blue No!
Blue No, Blue No!
Blue must always say no!

Sung to the Tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the Twelve day of Christmas, MaRo gave to me...!
Lands a'Tapping!
Goblins Swinging!
Life a'Gaining!
Deathtouch Creatures!
Cool Planeswalkers!
Cards in Hand!
Morphs a'Flipping!
NEW CARD FRAMES!
Amazing Commons!
Commander Precons!
Silver Borders!
And the burning husk of New Phyrexia!

Sung to the Tune of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer

_MaRo got run over by a Squirrel!
Walking home from Wizards, Christmas Eve!
You can say there's no such thing as Sally,
But as for me and WotC, we believe.

He'd been drinking too much Cosmos.
And we begged him not to go.
But he left behind his deckbox,
And stumbled out into the snow.

When they found him Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack
There were paw marks on his forehead
and incriminating acorns on his back.

MaRo got run over by a Squirrel!
Walking home from Wizards, Christmas Eve!
You can say there's no such thing as Sally,
But as for me and WotC, we believe.

Now we're all so proud of WotC.
They've been taking this so well.
See them in their little onesies,
Drinking eggnog and playing Standard.

It's not Christmas without MaRo.
All the players, dressed in black.
And we can't just help but wonder
Do we still write to his blog or just move on?

MaRo got run over by a Squirrel!
Walking home from Wizards, Christmas Eve!
You can say there's no such thing as Sally,
But as for me and WotC, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of pig
And a blue and silver candle
That would just have matched the border of an Unset!

Now I've warned my friends and draft pods
Better watch out for yourselves!
They should never trust a Squirrel
Who thinks Eldrazi are a Snack!

MaRo got run over by a Squirrel!
Walking home from Wizards, Christmas Eve!
You can say there's no such thing as Sally,
But as for me and WotC, we believe._

Thank you, for joining me this week. I'm not sure how the rest of the month will go, for it is Christmas and I work retail. We'll see. So join me next time when I talk about things! What, I don't know yet.

Until then please consider donating to my Pattern Recognition Patreon. Yeah, I have a job, but more income is always better. I still have plans to do a audio Pattern Recognition at some point, or perhaps a Twitch stream. And you can bribe your way to the front of the line to have your questions, comments and observations answered!