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Posted on May 24, 2018, 1:10 p.m. by stuff1014

I'm creating a new set and I'd like some feedback. The concept so far is this: Elesh Norn becomes the dominant Preator, but Atraxa has the real power. Urabrask sides with the resistance due to his red side, and I'm not sure about the ending yet. Thanks for the feedback.

Skoodly says... #2

The suns fall? I think them being stars kind of prevents that sorta thing. I get that they "came out of the core", but that explanation didn't really sit too well with me. You should think about what would even cause them to fall in the first place, or possibly why you've already decided on the start and end of the narrative and are just filling in the middle. Additionally, while the interactions with Urabrask and the Mirrans seem interesting and precedented, given his volatile nature and canon ambivalence toward humans, Elesh Norn's side seems like a forced antagonist and doesn't really have any lore to back it up and makes her seem like a big bad guy with undisclosed but plot-driving powers as opposed to the zealous leader of a perverse theocracy

Overall, I suggest, 1) redesigning or redefining Elesh Norn's role to better suit her character in New Phyrexia, 2) Finding some existing lore that could lead to the suns to "fall" (Fist of Suns comes to mind) or rethinking that section, and 3) Not skimping on the Urabrask action, because that's a really interesting topic that I wish WotC had gone more in depth to. Overall, the idea has merit, but there's a few inconsistencies you should either reconcile or work around. Good luck!

May 24, 2018 2:21 p.m.

Steelspike says... #3

Why not Atraxa instead of Elesh?

Especially with your story of Urabrask leading the rebellion, since he's the only Praetor that refused to help in the creation of Atraxa.

Also, maybe have Atraxa absorb the 4 suns that match her colors, leaving only the red sun for Urabrask when the war is over?

I don't know...

May 24, 2018 10:39 p.m.

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