Krampus Christmas

Commander / EDH*

noah93

Creature (19)

• 1x Abyssal Persecutor
• 1x Akroan Horse
• 1x Bazaar Trader
• 1x Dauthi Trapper
• 1x Evil Eye of Orms-by-Gore
• 1x Evil Eye of Urborg
• 1x Goldnight Castigator
• 1x Grid Monitor
• 1x Humble Defector
• 1x Kroxa, Titan of Death's Hunger
• 1x Olivia Voldaren
• 1x Phyrexian Negator
• 1x Plague Reaver
• 1x Platinum Angel
• 1x Rakshasa Debaser
• 1x Sleeper Agent
• 1x Steel Golem
• 1x Stormfist Crusader
• 1x Xantcha, Sleeper Agent

Instant (6)

• 1x Bedevil
• 1x Burnout
• 1x Eat to Extinction
• 1x Pyroblast
• 1x Red Elemental Blast
• 1x Terminate

Sorcery (6)

• 1x Beseech the Queen
• 1x Blasphemous Act
• 1x Deadly Tempest
• 1x Grim Tutor
• 1x Harmless Offering
• 1x Star of Extinction

Enchantment (17)

• 1x Aggressive Mining
• 1x Blood Funnel
• 1x Blood Moon
• 1x Captive Audience
• 1x Confusion in the Ranks
• 1x Dauthi Embrace
• 1x Demonic Lore
• 1x Demonic Pact
• 1x Endless Whispers
• 1x Forbidden Crypt
• 1x Gift of Doom
• 1x Havoc Festival
• 1x Lich's Mastery
• 1x Midnight Oil
• 1x Nefarious Lich
• 1x Oath of Lim-Dul
• 1x Wound Reflection

Land (35)

• 1x Blackcleave Cliffs
• 1x Blood Crypt
• 1x Bloodfell Caves
• 1x Canyon Slough
• 1x Dragonskull Summit
• 1x Graven Cairns
• 1x Luxury Suite
• 12x Mountain
• 1x Rogue's Passage
• 1x Smoldering Marsh
• 1x Sulfurous Springs
• 12x Swamp
• 1x Temple of Malice

Commander (1)

Artifact (16)

• 1x Arcane Signet
• 1x Commander's Sphere
• 1x Crown of Doom
• 1x Immortal Coil
• 1x Jinxed Choker
• 1x Jinxed Idol
• 1x Lich's Mirror
• 1x Lich's Tomb
• 1x Lightning Greaves
• 1x Sisay's Ring
• 1x Sol Ring
• 1x Talisman of Indulgence
• 1x Thran Dynamo
• 1x Trailblazer's Boots
• 1x Whispersilk Cloak
• 1x Wishclaw Talisman

---

Twas the night before Christmas And deep in our bunker My mom, dad, sister and I did hunker.

The streetlights were dark No carolers sang not even the blessings of church bells rang.

And beneath our beds We all huddled tight And hoped he would pass by our house tonight.

Everyone knows of Jolly Saint Nick and the gifts he brings on his single night trick.

And the presents and baubles and candy and toys that he brings every Christmas to good girls and boys

But it wasn't the man with red suit and white beard whose annual Christmas visit we feared

Outside in the snow we heard a loud howl the crunching of ice and an animal growl

I heard it sniff by our window payne then a throaty laugh and saw red eyes like flame

My sister and I both stared horrified and prayed that the creature could not get inside

but a moment later a thundering pound turned our door to splinters all over the ground

I screamed as the creature into our home came This horrible beast Von Krampus by name

He was massively tall At least seven feet From the points of his horns to his hoof-shodden feet

Across his back what I Mistook for a coat Was the shaggy long hair of a filthy dead goat

And I cried and I swallowed My terrified pangs at the sight of his wickedly razor-sharp fangs.

His claw-fingered hands looked ready for pain in one was a bullwhip the other a chain

He growled and sneered and laughed for a while then he pointed at us and said "Naughty" with a smile

My sister and I Both shook with fear what terrible things had we done this year?

We tried to be good and thought we succeeded we minded our manners no punishment needed

We both made good grades! We neither one lied or cheated or stole We had nothing to hide!

But Krampus still came With his evil heart black to steal us away, Stuff us in his sack

To take us away to his punishment cave where all the bad children forever his slaves

We turned to our parents behind them to hide but they both shook their heads and sadly stepped aside

"You must face the music" My father lamented Von Krampus then laughed his expression demented

My sister and I hugged each other tight And prayed that someone could save us that night

And just when we gave up and all hope was gone there came a loud clatter from out on the lawn

With a tinkle of bells our spirits did lift Von Krampus snarled the air he did sniff

On the wind came the scent of holly and pine of gingerbread cookies and holiday wine

In the doorway he stood in his suit of bright red St. Nicholas came! We cried out and said:

"Save us St. Nicholas! There's been a mistake! We've been good all year! You can't let him take..."

"Hold on! Not so fast!" He raised his great hand "There is something happening you don't understand!

Von Krampus did come that much is true but the demon of Christmas did NOT come for you."

At the demon we stared both of us confused. He had to be here for somebody...but who?

Then I started to think and all became clear. Who'd been the naughtiest of all that year?

Well...Mommy drank vodka by pitchers and glasses and Daddy watched porn and cheated on taxes.

And Mommy spent far too much time on her hair and Daddy had something he called "an affair."

And Mommy spent all of my birthday money. And Daddy called sister his own secret honey

The more that I thought the more I understood We children were fine, But the parents, no good.

"But Krampus takes children!" My father protested. And Santa's face twisted toward the man he detested.

"Christmas time is for children, And gifts to be given. You took their innocence and that can't be forgiven.

You scared them into silence their souls you did twist And to top it off told them I didn't exist.

For your your lifelong naughtiness The piper must be paid." And set Krampus upon them with a dismissive wave.

The adults screamed as they went into his sack And we cried until Santa patted my back.

"What's wrong?" Asked Saint Nickolas "I thought you'd be happy to be rid of those people who treated you crappy."

"We are," I sniffed, sincere as could be. "But what is to become of my sister and me?"

St. Nickolas smiled And laughed loud and deep As did Krampus, A sound that still haunts my sleep

"Why, you'll come with me!" He said with great joy. "I have great use for a good girl and boy!

You'll come to my workshop and work with my elves I promise that you will enjoy yourselves!

I'll teach you my secrets my toy making ways And you'll take over when I've ended my days!"

"But..." Said my sister. "What about him? Won't Krampus be lonely?" She scratched his chin

"I wish to thank him And I know the way I will go with him and be his protoge!"

And so, from Kris Kringle I learned to make toys and my sister to torture Naughty girls and boys.

And every evening from that point thereafter My dreams were full of parent screams and my sister's laughter.

And so this ends our Happy Christmas Story If you're nice and not naughty You've no need to worry

But if your heart's full of coal and you're an evil mister Try to hide, but you'll soon meet Krampus and my sister.

Date added	3 years
Last updated	3 years
Legality	This deck is Commander / EDH legal.
Rarity (main - side)	10 - 0 Mythic Rares 48 - 0 Rares 11 - 0 Uncommons 6 - 0 Commons
Cards	100
Avg. CMC	3.68
Tokens	Copy Clone, Morph 2/2 C, Soldier 1/1 W, Zombie 2/2 B
Folders	Testing