Contract Dossier

Company: Shattergang Solutions

Division: Asset Liquidation & Mutual Reduction

Field Command: Shattergang Brothers

You hired us.

That was your first mistake.

Operational Philosophy

We don’t destroy things.

We balance them.

You lose something.

We lose something.

Fair’s fair.

Except our losses come back.

Yours don’t.

Revenue Streams

We specialize in converting “expendable assets” into “strategic advantage.”

Through:

Ashnod's Altar Phyrexian Altar

we turn bodies into capital.

Through:

Pitiless Plunderer

we turn casualties into currency.

Through:

Skullclamp

we turn the fallen into intelligence.

Everything is recyclable.

Especially employees.

Employee Retention Program

Some of our contractors are very loyal.

Or very hard to kill.

Reassembling Skeleton Nether Traitor Bloodghast Squee, the Immortal

They don’t mind being sacrificed.

They understand the business model.

They also understand they’re coming back.

Damage Department

You’d think sacrificing our own board would hurt us.

It doesn’t.

Because we employ:

Mayhem Devil Blood Artist Zulaport Cutthroat

Every asset liquidation includes a handling fee.

Paid in life totals.

Mutual Assured Reduction

Our executive ability, via Shattergang Brothers, ensures parity.

You like artifacts?

So do we.

Sacrifice one.

You too.

Prefer creatures?

Same deal.

Enchantments?

We’re not picky.

When negotiations stall, we simply make the board smaller.

Until only we can function in the wreckage.

Infinite Profit Model

There are times we enter full operational mode.

With:

Food Chainfoil and Squee, the Immortal

we generate infinite capital.

Pair that with:

Goblin Bombardment Purphoros, God of the Forge or Altar of the Brood

and the contract concludes immediately.

Alternatively:

Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker and Zealous Conscripts

produce unlimited workforce expansion.

Temporary hires.

Very aggressive.

Board Wipe Insurance

If things get crowded, we are not sentimental.

Damnation exists.

Sometimes the correct play is starting over.

We’re comfortable in the ashes.

You’re not.

Special Operations

Need precision removal?

Beast Within Putrefy Terminate

Need a quiet extraction?

Phyrexian Tower High Market

Need a final settlement?

Torment of Hailfire Exsanguinate

We accept payment in despair.

Client Testimonials

“They sacrificed their entire board.”

“Yes.”

“Why are we the only ones losing life?”

“Because they planned for it.”

Final Clause

We do not care if we lose permanents.

We built the deck to lose them.

We do not fear attrition.

We are attrition.

And if the job looks messy?

We might even give you a discount.

We do better work when we’re having fun.

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92% Casual

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Revision 49 See all

(2 days ago)

-1 Awakening Zone main
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+1 Grave Titan main
+2 Mountain main
-1 Swamp main