Have you had to kick a player out of your playgroup?
Posted on Dec. 27, 2018, 10:04 p.m. by SaltySpecula
So this is mainly for the more longer term players in busier locations.
Have you ever had a player in your playgroup that everyone else considered to be so detrimental or toxic you had to flat out tell them they weren't welcome to play with your group anymore?
Not just an 'ehh, it's not really fun to play with you' person, but a person you have to hold up your hand when they sit down and say 'hell no, get away from us' kind of person?
I'm just kind of curious, for those of you who have dealt with that kind of person, what was the final straw that made your group get rid of them? How did it go down? Was it bad enough that the store staff/owner got involved?
I've had to do this twice now with the help of my friends all communally agreeing on two particular people being too physically and verbally aggressive to play with, so I want to know how others have dealt with it.
Gidgetimer kinda ironic and a tad bit creepy when you stalk people over a perceived grudge.
December 27, 2018 10:44 p.m.
Gidgetimer I would assume you mean to imply that Salty was being somehow aggressive or harsh here? Clever comment but I'd have to disagree.
December 27, 2018 10:45 p.m.
Could you please describe what "too physically and verbally aggressive" really means, it's a little hard to understand the context with so little to go on ?
December 27, 2018 10:46 p.m.
ZendikariWol: No, it is about something else. I'll let them tell the story if they wish.
December 27, 2018 11:17 p.m.
No we talk out issues like grown adults, work on it, give it time. I feel like there would have to be somerhing extremely wrong with someone if u cant just talk over any existing issues.
December 27, 2018 11:56 p.m.
I have a question. If you had to kick out TWO different people, are you sure THEY are the issue?
What I'm getting at is, perhaps some self reflection is needed.
I perfectly accept some people are just pricks. I can be an asshole myself. But when you are kicking out multiple people, chances are there is another side to the coin.
Food for thought.
December 28, 2018 9 a.m.
TypicalTimmy I think we need more information before we make snap judgments like that.
Like, is that 2 people in a few weeks?
Or, is it 2 people over the course of 3 years?
Also, is it 2 people out of 30-40, or 2 out of 13 or 14?
I've flat refused to play with people who are poor winners and even poorer losers. One of the guys, just recently, made me so mad it took all I could muster to not dive across the table at him. Just running his mouth non-stop, extremely loudly.
I never actually told someone they had to leave. They just left on their own and didn't come back. They may or may not have said it was me that keeps them from coming back. I don't know, but I DO know that it's a LOT more relaxing without the loud, obnoxious, toxic players there.
December 28, 2018 10:58 a.m.
Sucks that people have to jump on the OP when they've obviously thought about this, and had discussions with other members of their group, before removing the toxic player(s). It's supposed to be a fun game and mean players need a reality check sometimes.
I know my LGS has banned players for X amount of time for cheating, collusion, and they even stopped hosting Sunday EDH tournaments for a few months because of threats between players.
One of my friends who lives a few hours south of me said his LGS has a very toxic environment and he wishes the store would do something, anything about it. Every party involved should try to create a positive environment or else why are we even here?!
December 28, 2018 11:37 a.m.
I have a lot of thoughts on this. While I never had to kick anyone out of a group, I essentially removed myself from the toxic group. I wanted to try out a new LGS so I have more variety in the meta. I go to the LGS and this guy says "yeah its not about power levels" and then complains when the guy who spent a couple hundred - 1k on his deck beat his barely upgraded precon.
He then eventually got somewhat better decks, started isolating me as his target. When I would fight back, he would RAGE QUIT. He later then found out where I lived and threatened the lives of my family members are I. I called the police and nothing has happened since but some people are just f**** toxic.
December 28, 2018 1:13 p.m.
Steelspike It's a free county you said "made me so mad it took all I could muster to not dive across the table at him. Just running his mouth non-stop, extremely loudly" That sounds like you might be the one with emotional problems.
greyninja If your play group is so bad that you have real threats between players you are all taking the game way too seriously this comes from a player that plays to win. It's just a game.
Profet93 That sounds like some heavy stuff you need a better class of playmates.
December 28, 2018 2:33 p.m.
It was pretty heavy. Luckily it was just a new place I was trying out, not my normal group. In any case, that guy had other members of his group call him out and others afraid to call him out. He's a dude with issues. What can you do lol
December 28, 2018 3:57 p.m.
Profet93 I hear you man, I stay out of drama at both the stores I play at it's a good time lots of laughing and joking and all around a fun time.
December 28, 2018 11:16 p.m.
You're right. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I shouldn't label people as something they may not be, especially without knowing the full story.
However (And yes I realize this is a backhanded apology), I also recognize from my own personal life and many years of self reflection that seldom are people lashing out in negative ways "just because".
I have personally driven away many friends and girlfriends and family due to my depression and anger issues. I know what it feels like to believe the world is against you, when in reality you are against the world.
As I said, I can be an asshole myself. Old habits are hard to break and all.
However, I also do recognize some people are just genuinely selfish and pricks.
While I have never personally had to kick out a member from a group of any kind, I have been kicked out from a D&D group.
If you'd indulge me, the reason I was kicked out was because I was considered by the group to be "uncooperative" in the game and "irresponsible" with the lore. I was "bullheaded", "brash", and "too aggressive" for a casual setting. --- All traits of an asshole.
HOWEVER, our DM had a terrible habit of bringing enough content to the table for about 35 minutes worth of gameplay, and try to stretch it out for upwards of 6 hours. We had a single session that lasted nearly 5 hours that amounted to nothing more than the following:
- Sneak past sleeping guards in a prison
- Take an elevator upstairs
- Confront the warden of the prison
- Resolve the conflict (Be it through violence / magic / persuasion)
- Leave the prison
Like I said, 35 minutes to an hour of gameplay, stretched to a 5 hour game. Night, after night, after night. Meanwhile, players would argue among each other, fight over the clearly defined rules of the game, try to homebrew on the spot, get sidetracked, get drunk and forget what they were doing (In real life, not in the game)...
So, yes. I'd try to take charge and push the game along. I'd take the reigns and push onward. If a segment of the game was taking too unreasonably long, I'd circumvent the situation by going against the grain and forcing my own path TO KEEP THE GAME MOVING FORWARD.
So yes, I was an asshole - but only because the rest of the group was incompetent.
There are ALWAYS two sides to any argument. Sometimes self reflection is required. Sometimes even after that, you find the party you are accusing is still wrong. But sometimes, you find yourself in the wrong, as well.
I'm not trying to be rude. I'm trying to be considerate. Sometimes you need to hear it from an unbias source. Someone with no skin in the game.
I hope this helps <3
December 29, 2018 4:06 a.m.
Well said, how unlike a "timmy" lol. But in all seriousness you are right. There are always 2 sides to every story and sometimes the side is that some people are assholes. But more often than not, there are legit reasons for feuds between players.
I once had a guy another guy rage quit and insult my hair because I played with foil sleeves and some altered cards. Instead of asking me to switch sleeves (would have gladly unsleeved and resleeve over 100 cards just to satisfy the one 13 year old kid) or switch to non-altered versions of the cards, he just decided to act in a rude way.
Always be polite, but if someone gives you shit, don't be afraid to give them shit back.
December 29, 2018 1:57 p.m.
Interesting way this developed. I was originally curious to hear other's stories of how people dealt with these situations as opposed to looking for advice or input.
In my case, both people kicked out of my playgroup was a unanimous decision by the group who were also dealt with by store staff. First one was also banned from the store by the owner ( first one was found cheating in sanctioned tournaments and trying to steal people's cards )
Second one was 2 years after the first guy. He had to win everything and would become immensely abusive and physically intimidating if you removed his combo piece or knocked him out of the game. After having the table shoved into us for the third time when he stormed out, we agreed we didn't want to play with him again and I gave him the news next time he showed up that he wasn't welcome anymore. I believe the store staff also talked to him about the table shoving, but gave him a chance so he still turns up from time to time.
Not to say I haven't been a dick myself. I'm fully aware I've crossed more than a few lines in the past and yes, mistakes will still be made in the future. Only thing I can do is make sure mistakes already made are dealt with as best as possible or attitude corrected to avoid repeats.
December 29, 2018 4:47 p.m. Edited.
I have had to stop playing with one player in particular because they couldnt handle it when they lost. (Specifically to Eldrazi) They wanted to instate a ban that no one else in our play group agreed with... We did not oblige... They flipped out and left super angrily after insulting some of us... So yeah. We didnt ask them to come back after that.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to play with some people. Them go play in other playgroups that will tolerate their bullcrap.
December 29, 2018 7:05 p.m.
Okay first I just want to say I mean no offense to the OP. But... I think there is much you can do before kicking someone out.
Try to talk to them. Tell them the playgroup dislikes X and ask them why they do it. Tell them if they continue to do so you will kick them out of the group.
Reevaluate your position. Are you being too unreasonable?
Now without an overview of what said player does AND how your playgroup typically responses to it Nobody can really give you good help since we don’t have all the details. Just playing the devil’s advocate here but I had to be said.
December 29, 2018 10:12 p.m.
pizzagod13 Thanks for the input. You may want to read my last reply a few posts above your reply, it should clarify things.