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The Finest Flavor Text Comedy (Top 60 of MTG)

Modern* Budget Casual Competitive Five Color Goblins Theme/Gimmick

Bovine073


Description

The Finest Flavor Text Comedy

+1 Upvote :)

This deck (as the name implies) is the funniest and wittiest collection of well flavor-texted cards I could find.

Since there can only be 60 best cards, this deck has a format of: Bottom 10 - Good - Better - Best - Top 5, out of the 60 card slots allocated.

(10 cards-15 cards-15 cards-15 cards-5 cards)


What Cards Should I Suggest? Show

Cards to suggest would likely replace 'Bottom 10' category cards.

Comedy is valued the most, but some cards such as Mana Leak have good situational irony. Other great cards such as Barrage of Expendables , or Synapse Sliver continue the (clearly) long-lasting vendetta between the card writers and goblins.

Some of the dark(er) cards of MTG such as Drainpipe Vermin make the list, but they aren't necessarily comical, and thus may not make the list.

Other cards may seem out of place such as Lightning Bolt or Goblin Arsonist , but these cards have slightly obscure refrences, Lightning Bolt due to the fact that no one ever expected to see a Modern-Legal reprint of it, but they were surprised when wizards reprinted it and Goblin Arsonist , well, Spiderman (or Voltaire, if you are one of them philosophical or history folks).

Gorgon's Head also has a little bit of a refrence to Medusa, who when you see her face you turn to stone (thus why they were King Igalus's last words).

Unhinged set cards will not be accepted, as they were literally made to be funny and have funny flavor texts, so I personally think they have an unfair advantage (of sorts).

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How The Cycling Process Works Show

When a card is suggested, I will take one of the 'Bottom 10' cards off the list, and put the card into its category that is best fit for it at the time of its placement.

Edits are made with time, of course, and some cards will move up/down, and some are eliminated from the list.

I try to be unbiased as possible and follow the law of Comedy is King, as to stay true to the title of this deck.


Check Out the Goblins Bonus Spoiler!


Bonus Spoiler- Goblins! Show

Because of the great hate against goblins that we have witnessed, I only thought it appropiate that a few paragraphs shall be written about them.

Here is what we know about their:

-Intellegence:

Well, Coat of Arms tells us a little bit about their basic arithmetic abilities, and Goblin Piker also shows us they aren't as sharp as the weapon they are holding. Synapse Sliver and Lightmine Field confirm these hypotheses. I'm just saying, but these little red guys seem like they would be the most likely of creatures to climb on top of a Razorfield Thresher while it is running. (Just sayin').

-Battle Tactics:

I think Barrage of Expendables , and Goblin Piledriver about sum up the tactics used by the great goblin generals of this age, such as Ib Halfheart, Goblin Tactician . This general has some terrifically amazing ideas, as seen in Panglacial Wurm's flavor text, and also in his own. The goblins also have superior transportation in the form of Goblin Balloon Brigade , and (somehow) even managed to find a tactical advantage by sending a clown to war ( Goblin Battle Jester ). Goblin military training includes the 2,071 (goblin) lessons for survival, which includes weilding Fodder Cannon s to fire all sorts of Goblin Grenades upon the unsuspecting enemy. When you are a goblin general, however, just remember to NEVER, EVER tell goblins to "fire at will" ( Friendly Fire ). Also, watch out for Lightmine Fields.

-Attitude:

Well, they are extremely greedy, stupid, gorey, angry, offensive, are probably all pyromaniacs, and don't want to be killed (but often end up being killed). Citations: Krenko's Command, Krenko's Enforcer , Dragon Fodder, Goblin Offensive, Brightstone Ritual , and Goblin Razerunners .

-Reputation:

Goblins are seen for about what they are, but some of the more cunning goblins are feared. As we see with Krenko, Mob Boss, some goblins aren't quite as dumb as they seem, and are basically the Al Capone of the Multiverse. Goblinslide tells us that they are feared, but only in numbers, but there are some like Braids, dementia summoner, who just say that they like goblins because "they make funny popping sounds when they die" (Skirk Prospector).


Feel Free to Comment Suggestions!

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Suggestions

Updates

I finally updated a bunch of cards on here, a lot of changes were made, if you would like to see them. This means new suggestions will be facilitated much quickly than they were before. Thanks for the continued support!

Comments View Archive

Gattison says... #1

I feel like Foul Imp should be somewhere on this list

September 19, 2016 6:22 p.m.

cesario- says... #2

Hi! Love the deck. I always get a chuckle out of Goblin Offensive and Root Greevil, so I, personally, think they should be higher in the rankings. Also, here's a few personal favorite flavor texts: Goblin War Strike, Incendiary Flow, Sea's Claim, and Counterspell.

October 10, 2016 3:54 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #3

Thanks cesario-!

October 11, 2016 1:05 a.m.

beninator says... #4

I like Knight Watch. Ekundu Cyclops isn't bad either IMO.

October 21, 2016 1:07 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #5

beninator thanks! Ekundu Cyclops reminds me of Orwell's Animal Farm (if you have ever read that, lol).

October 21, 2016 1:49 p.m.

TheRedGoat says... #6

So what about Night's Whisper or Riptide Mangler? Also, Divine Verdict. The version from Theros is the actual funny one, but I don't know how to bring it up instead.

October 28, 2016 4:02 a.m.

Divine Verdict, for the above post.

October 28, 2016 4:06 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #8

Ah, didn't know Divine Verdict ever had a different flavor text! I think at one point the "guilty" one was on here, but has since been removed. I remember turning down a very similar card to the Theros Divine Verdict that was something along the lines of "the last thing to go through the mogg's head was its face" or something like that.

The chum one is a good pun but is kinda meh to me in terms of comedy. It's good, though.

Nights whisper, albeit great flavor text, isn't really comedic. Sometimes I wish I had a best "dark flavor text" list or something like that, that would it right in.

Thanks TheRedGoat!

October 28, 2016 6:35 a.m.

TheRedGoat says... #9

Yeah, to think better on it the imagery involved with the phrase alone wouldn't strike me as funny either with Divine Verdict, so I can understand that. Guess that's a list for another day.

October 28, 2016 8:35 a.m.

BS-T says... #10

Great list, gave me some smiles and reminded me of some good memories. I always liked Carrion Beetles....though I'm not sure if it joins the funny section or the dark section! ( which you should definitely add :) )

November 1, 2016 7:38 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #11

BS-T that's the exact opposite of Vexing Devil, interesting! I think this one counts more as a dark flavor text, though. Thanks!

November 2, 2016 2:55 a.m.

JohnnyBoyG says... #12

Great list. Here are some you forgot.

Wall of Swords

Indestructibility

Redirect

December 6, 2016 11:18 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #13

JohnnyBoyG, I had Indestructibility on here, but it has since been replaced (I love the art with the text, it's great). Redirect has always been in the back of my mind, but not sure about it.

But Wall of Swords, now THAT is a funny one. Thanks!

December 6, 2016 11:29 a.m.

clayperce says... #14

Has anyone mentioned the SOI version of Macabre Waltz yet? Snerk.

December 14, 2016 12:19 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #15

No one has up until now. I really like the double meaning here. Perhaps into the Meta Irony? Eh, not sure. Thanks!

December 14, 2016 12:21 p.m.

VD_D says... #16

Just ran across this thread... Ad Nauseam as a Meta Irony? Considering that you make yourself "undead" when you play it with Angel's Grace/Phyrexian Unlife?

December 21, 2016 5:51 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #17

VD_D hadn't thought of it that way. I have thought about putting it in because of the actual name of the card (Ad Nauseam is a phrase meaning: "used to refer to the fact that something has been done or repeated so often that it has become annoying or tiresome.") but dismissed it because it wasn't the actual flavor text of the card. Will update, thanks!

December 21, 2016 5:54 a.m.

Delta-117 says... #18

January 9, 2017 1:30 p.m.

Delta-117 says... #19

Oh Bovine073 I almost forgot this one! All Is Dust is one I always liked.

January 9, 2017 1:37 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #20

I like Untethered Express, but not sure if it fits here. All Is Dust gave me a chuckle, it will be fighting for a spot here. Thanks!

January 9, 2017 2:15 p.m.

Dredgar says... #21

Great list, Skullcrack always gives me a chuckle.

January 21, 2017 10:05 a.m.

BS-T says... #22

Any love for Nausea or Nausea?

January 23, 2017 10:25 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #23

BS-T I love the EMA version. Will consider. Thanks!

January 23, 2017 10:31 a.m.

frogkill45 says... #24

Inspiration i thought this was good.

January 30, 2017 3:06 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #25

frogkill45 it is already in the list :P

January 31, 2017 2:21 a.m.

nicobye says... #26

Goblin Spy could be a good card to look at

January 31, 2017 11:58 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #27

I love it nicobye. Love it.

January 31, 2017 1:12 p.m.

chelonian says... #28

No Mighty Leap?! D:

February 4, 2017 6:25 p.m.

JonasC0 says... #29

Personally, I love Goblin Spelunkers.

February 5, 2017 6:11 p.m.

MagicalHacker says... #30

From AER, we got the gem that is Sram's Expertise.

February 27, 2017 9:19 p.m.

Uskebasi says... #31

February 28, 2017 7:19 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #32

Both good suggestions, thanks!

Ski Patrol I like because it fits well into the goblin subtheme, and has a quote from Ib Halfheart.

February 28, 2017 11:43 a.m.

Hipparion says... #33

But where is Mental Misstep? :O :D #Metairony

March 15, 2017 1:06 a.m.

clayperce says... #34

Bovine073,
Have you already considered Abrupt Decay? Saw one in an MM17 pack and immediately thought of your list ...

March 19, 2017 11:50 a.m.

Bovine073 says... #35

clayperce it was in here before... I could add it back. I really need to do a big update.

March 19, 2017 12:57 p.m.

Hydrax says... #36

Dinrova Horror always made me laugh

March 22, 2017 10:37 p.m.

Utter End Should have been an auto-include in Meta Irony

June 1, 2017 4:49 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #38

Master_Of_Obscure_Blue_Spells it just seems like good flavor text to me, not necessarily meta or ironic.

June 2, 2017 1:06 a.m.

clayperce says... #39

Bovine073,
I stumbled across an old copy of Spike Jester today. Thought it went even beyond the typical Goblin flavor text ... to Rakdos Goblin! :-D

June 2, 2017 6:05 p.m.

cirion says... #40

for ironic i suggest Conch Horn

August 27, 2017 12:18 p.m.

clayperce says... #41

Bovine073,
Stumbled across Hurloon Shaman today ... ouch!

September 1, 2017 5:51 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #42

clayperce

Lol yes that could be a good one. I like it, I like it!

September 1, 2017 6:17 p.m.

Agent_Fire says... #43

September 17, 2017 6:08 p.m.

CheeseE says... #44

This is great. How about Scatter Arc and Torch Gauntlet?

November 14, 2017 9:01 p.m.

Bovine073 says... #45

CheeseE thanks for the suggestions, I'll add them to the maybe list (and hopefully get to going through them, need to do some spring? cleaning lol).

November 15, 2017 9:40 p.m.

Wiggyman says... #46

November 16, 2017 1:13 a.m.

otters says... #47

How about Phyrexian Hulk

November 16, 2017 8:59 p.m.

otters that almost seems like it belongs in the Meta Irony section seeing as how it's a terrible card and it'll never make anything die lol.

November 16, 2017 11:26 p.m.

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