The following theme is Satire (Definition) and may offend those of weak will or the inability to control one's emotional state - aka being TRIGGERED.

You have been warned. Continue at your own risk.

What is a Satire, and which one is this deck?

This idea was brought forth by playing my normal Shirei Apostles deck that I dubbed 'Religion'. I already had the basic theme/gimmicks of tapping for "3 religion" and swinging for "4 religion".

I was playing in a pod of 4 containing a Progenitus Superfriends, Narset, Enlightened Master, Karlov of the Ghost Council, and my 'Religion'. The game became extremely political from the start as I was severely mana screwed. I made the reference to the pod that this game sort of resembled a game of Civilization. I was the Jews trying to spread their religion to other city-states, while Superfriends was the Germans who consistently targeted the Jews with constant bombardments and a board wipe anytime I got 4-5 apostles (Not to mention Hail Hydra); Karlov was the Romans who once saw Shirei (flavored and visually similar to Jesus) and decided to kill him SUPER hard. While Narset was France who won the game in a combo on turn 3 and booked it back home. Thus we kept playing as if he just threw up the white flag and ran away, as the stereotypes go.

Despite politics and my subtle (not so subtle) displeasure that I couldn't do anything, the game was superb. Everyone had fun and joked around the theme I presented. So I decided to run with it! My current goal is to create a satirical and fully themed deck based ironically on a mono-black deck about the Jewish/Christian/Catholic/Muslim/Etc religions.

~ Command Zone - Hell (Explanation)
~ Exile - Purgatory
~ Hand - The Seven Sacraments
~ Graveyard - The Heavens
~ Library - The Holy Scriptures
~ Opponents - Heathens In Desperate Need To Be Converted. More Than Likely A Host For A Demon Or Two.

~ Attacking - Dealing 3 Religion
~ Drawing - Praying
~ Tapping Mana - Tapping 3 Religion

~ Ancient Tomb -
~ Archfiend of Depravity - Zadkiel, Angel of Mercy
~ Attrition - The Holy Crusades
~ Beseech the Queen - Hesed, the Question
~ Black Market - Black Friday
~ Bloodstained Mire -
~ Butcher of Malakir - Abseel, Angel of Ruin
~ Cabal Coffers - (Vatican Secret Museum)
~ Conspiracy - Sathariel, Angel of Deception
~ Crypt Ghast - The Holy Spirit /or/ Bezaliel, Angel of Shadows
~ Crypt of Agadeem - The Talpiot Tomb
~ Dark Ritual - Sunday Mass
~ Demonic Tutor - Penemue, Angel of the Written Word
~ Deserted Temple - The Driftwood Cathedral
~ Erebos, God of the Dead - Azrael, Angel of Death
~ Expedition Map - Hajj (Definition)
~ Exsanguinate - Exorcism
~ Extraplanar Lens - Tiferet, the Clear Relfection
~ Grave Pact - Matrimony Vows (Till Death Do We Part)
~ Gray Merchant of Asphodel - Zaqiel, Angel of Purity
~ Grim Haruspex - Eistibus, Angel of Divination
~ Harvester of Souls - Gadreel, Angel of War
~ Haunted Crossroads - The Road to Enlightenment
~ Infernal Tribute - Unshakeable Faith
~ Lightning Greaves - Jesus's Sandals
~ Liliana of the Dark Realms - Mother Mary, Queen of Heaven
~ Living Death - The Rapture
~ Mana Crypt -
~ Marsh Flats - Yesod, Bedrock Beneath Existence
~ Mindless Automaton - Zachriel, Angel of Memory
~ Necropotence - (Blessings That Transcend Secular Law)(Canon Law?)
~ Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx - The Gate of Sahaqiel
~ Ob Nixilis, Unshackled - Raziel, Angel of Mysteries
~ Onyx Talisman - The Stones of Shoham (Explanation)
~ Overseer of the Damned - Archangel Lucifer, Angel of Light
~ Patriarch's Bidding - The Pope, the Bishop of Rome
~ Petrified Field - Ashes of Eden
~ Phyrexian Arena - Penance
~ Phyrexian Reclamation - Confession
~ Phyrexian Tower - Binah, Palace of Mirrors
~ Pilgrim's Eye - Suchlaph, Angel of Verdancy
~ Polluted Delta -
~ Reaper from the Abyss - Simikiel, Angel of Vengeance
~ Reliquary Tower - The Vatican City
~ Rings of Brighthearth - Matrimony Bands
~ Rune-Scarred Demon - Archangel Gabriel, The Golden Herald
~ Sadistic Hypnotist - Armaros, Angel of Undoing
~ Shadowborn Apostle - The Faithful Masses
~ Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker - The Messiah, Jesus of Nazareth
~ Sol Ring - The Seal of Soloman, Soloman's Ring
~ Sorceress Queen - Mother Mary, Mother of God
~ Swamp - Encompassing Israel, Palestine, Lebanon, Jordan, and Syria
~ Thrumming Stone - The True Cross
~ Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre - God (Old Testament)
~ Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger - God (New Testament)
~ Urborg Justice - Biblical Justice
~ Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth - The Garden Tomb
~ Vampiric Rites - Donation Basket
~ Vampiric Tutor - Sunday School
~ Venser's Journal - The Bible
~ Verdant Catacombs - Saints Innocents Cemetery, The Catacombs of Paris
~ Viscera Seer - Remiel, Angel of Visions
~ Volrath's Stronghold - Lazarus Pit
~ Westvale Abbey  Flip - Westboro Bapist Church
~ Zulaport Cutthroat - Af, Angel of Anger

Honorable Mentions (Both Card and Flavor-wise) Show

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This deck plays around Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker + Shadowborn Apostle + Conspiracy. This allows me to search up Eldrazi and other utility non-demon creatures. At the same time, the deck focuses more centrally on Shirei and abusing his ability to a maximum. Secondary focuses are mana ramp and card draw. And a very distant third is a very minimal card removal.

Cards Show

Combos and Synergies Show

First, let us describe what meta this deck fits in: Casual or Tier 3-4.

This deck won't win before turn 6. Even with a god-hand (and next several draws), the soonest you could win is turn 6. This deck is supposed to be played casually among friends, or new people, and if possible, with the given theme.

This deck was created to create an additional layer of fun acting out some sort of imaginative scenario the player of the deck presents. I choose to reference the Civilization games and how emissaries (of religion) were one of the few units that were basically immune to everything and can attack your capital with their religious dogma. So there is our first strength AND weakness: playing this deck to have fun.

  • Strengths: 4~ish
  • Early Aggression: Shadowborn Apostles and many other low drops.
  • Endless Blockers: Thank Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker.
  • Easily React: Can react to threats accordingly with Shadowborn Apostles by tutoring or comboing with removal cards like Grave Pact.
  • Masked Threat-Level: Thanks to how under the radar Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker actually is, and having a majority of Shadowborn Apostles in the deck allows a solid majority of your opponents to believe you aren't the immediate threat. A Grave Pact may worry them. Hell, Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker might even worry them, but after a short while, the real threats are identified. This gives you time to ramp, draw, and play Apostles until you pop out an Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre, blow up two things, attach Lightning Greaves and then Annahilator 4 their ass back down into their chair as they sit back in disbelief.
  • Weaknesses: 5~ish
  • Fast Beginnings Backfire: Unless you have a Necropotence or Phyrexian Arena, that early dumping of your hand can seriously backfire. You need that immediate card draw.
  • Low Land Count: This has proven to be a bit troublesome. Nothing you can really do but shuffle better next time.
  • Shirei's Vulnerability: Damn is he vulnerable. And for his higher CMC, General Tax racks up really quick and seriously slow you down by multiple turns. Only have Lightning Greaves to combat this.
  • New(er) Players: With your immediate Shadowborn Apostles and potential attacking, brand new players may target you heavily, and may even garner a grudge. This may even stick after a real threat has entered the board. And thanks to their new player ignorance, they can't see it. Any babble from you about it, backfires as they believe you are making excuses.
  • Draw/Graveyard Hate: Any draw hate (Nekusar, the Mindrazer) or graveyard hate (Rest in Peace) will utterly destroy the deck.
  • Matchups
  • This deck performs differently each time it plays. It is never consistent, save for the consistency of being inconsistent. Each time you play, it is a brand new experience. It performs over the top and has a grade A+ experience facing any amount of normal casual deck archetypes.

    It is specific commanders and their themes that combat this deck into submission. Combo decks like Narset, Enlightened Master/Sliver Queen will combo off far before you can search up your first demon. Pain draw decks like Nekusar, the Mindrazer/Tomorrow, Azami's Familiar will utterly disable the deck. And removal/stax decks that focus on bouncing, exiling, and/or destroying keeps the deck in a constant catch-up phase.

  • 1v1: It fairs decently. Has an even 1-1 win/loss ratio.
  • Two-Headed Giant: Amazing! The sheer early game allows for your ally to have the safety needed to win the game.
  • Emperor: Flip of a coin, honestly. Really matters on luck and teamwork, but more on luck's side.
  • Pod (of 4+): Matters if someone has seen the deck before. If so, you'll have an eye on your and then be quickly dealt with if a problem ever arises. And if not, you will scoot under the radar to victory, almost every time.
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    What is the goal of the deck?

    Simply have fun presenting the theme provided. Winning is a far second.

    However, mechanically speaking: flooding the board as fast as possible, drawing just as quickly, and the maximizing of Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker's ability. You can do a lot with this deck. Flood the board, draw, etc. But they are all connected. Doing a lot of one of these things will backfire as you need the others just as much. If you're emptying your hand onto the battlefield, you NEED to draw. If you have stuff on the battlefield, you NEED to be abusing it. If you don't have Shirei on the field, get him out. Now.

    Does the goal of the deck change based on the matchup?

    No. Your opponent is a heathen, possessed by a demon or two. It matters not their history, background, or whatever is up their sleeve. You need to cleanse, convert, and exorcize that opponent until religion wins.

    What to look for in a mulligan

    3-4 Lands. 2 lands if you have Necropotence/Phyrexian Arena. Other than that, anything under 4 CMC is fine. If you have a Liliana of the Dark Realms, keep that girl. Popping her cherry (emblem) as early as possible guarantee's success.

    Contigency plans?

    Shadowborn Apostle. Shadowborn Apostle. Shadowborn Apostle. Shadowborn Apostle. Shadowborn Apostle. Shadowborn Apostle. Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker. and sac. Tutor and get back on track.

    10/18/16 - The deck has been officially dubbed "complete." This is the first time in a year. This will only last until the next set is released. Yay...


    Updates Add


    Compare to inventory
    Date added 3 years
    Last updated 3 months

    This deck is Commander / EDH legal.

    Cards 100
    Avg. CMC 2.90
    Tokens 2/2 Zombie, Liliana, 1/1 Human Cleric
    Folders Conspiracy Decks, Stories, build, EDH, Deck Ideas for the Podcast, Fun Decks, Wish list, tuned fun with combo, Favorite Decks, kEW;, See all 17
    Top rank #8 on 2016-10-15
    Ignored suggestions
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    Revision 28 See all

    3 months ago)

    -1 Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker main
    +1 Shirei, Shizo's Caretaker main
    +1 Arguel's Blood Fast  Flip maybe
    -1 Arguel's Blood Fast  Flip maybe
    +1 Pitiless Plunderer maybe
    +1 Dead Man's Chest maybe