Turn 2 kill is such an ugly term. I prefer "Turn 2 perfecting."
Greetings. My name is Iluvala. I am a planeswalker of both green and blue, born in the greatest land of all times: Phyrexia. Yet the mortals do not yet seem to realize Phyrexia's power. I am here to show them perfection. Yawgmoth has perished, but I am still here. I am assembling my own legion of phyrexians. Look at the Praetors, all fighting amongst themselves instead of focusing on conquering. Childish. It's time for us to advance.
Look at all those other planeswalkers... Boasting about how they have 20 life points... That they can take a punch from Emrakul followed by a Boros Charm and live... Well, let's see how you stand up to perfection. Embrace us. You will not die, you will become perfect, whether you like it or not...
Rundown:
Lands: Phyrexia is a massive machine gearing towards conquest, and all machines need fuel to keep operating.
Forest/Island: We have taken over the former Mirrodin and have put it to use. The Tangle has been especially useful to train new recruits to move through rough terrain and learn epic ninja-like parquor skills. And the Quicksilver Sea can be mixed with our Glistening Oil and create an entirely new enhancer to allow the ultimate army.
Breeding Pool: I have been to Ravnica, and seen the Simic, attempting the same goals as us: to ascend all beings to a perfect state. I have met with Prime Speaker Zegana and the Simic are now in a pact with Phyrexia. We now have access to pools in which to store our oil, to breed new soldiers in these pools. Life is a small price to pay for perfection.
Inkmoth Nexus: Perfection comes in many forms, even on the scale of the tiny. Inkmothes swarm our enemies, destroy their crops, and spread perfection in the form of biological weaponry...
Misty Rainforest: I have been to Zendikar, and seen the eldrazi. I have seen what remain of zendikar untouched by the titans. Some of it is beautiful. There are s many rainforests that are untainted by human design and the illusion of morals to easily turn to perfection! For even less life, they can be the new areas to keep our Breeding Pools. We can also remove some of the water from the air to create another clone of the Tangle, or flood it with quicksilver to become another sea of liquid greatness.
Oboro, Palace in the Clouds I have gone to Kamigawa, and have seen many of its wondrous monuments. But none remains as impressive as the airborne palace. That is my place now. From there, I can rule from the skies, ensuring that perfection spreads exactly as planned. if a threat arises, I can make a tactical retreat, only to return with an even greater force, power beyond omnipotence.
Pendelhaven: Even to Llanowar I have ventured, to see the elves. They are fierce warriors indeed, and even then I knew they were worthy of the Phyrexian ranks. They have had many years of experience dwelling in forests themselves, and even this great forest is mighty. The most ancient tree seems to radiate power, to channel energies into those who honor it. When imperfect energies are brought to perfect Phyrexians, they too become perfect, and an unstoppable force is created.
Creatures: Our legion is massive, but only a small strike force is nessecary to take any planeswlaker who opposes us down.
Blight Mamba
: On one of the spheres of Phyrexia, a countless number of serpents dwell, grieving their fallen Yawgmoth even now. But they're sadness is consumed with anger and hate, and seek revenge on all the multiverse for betraying their god. The snakes have allied with me, and are now a formidable force in my legions. You may think you can slay the Phyrexian legion with enough removal, but the serpents will rise up again to strike you down.
Blighted Agent: I have convinced some of Gin-Gitaxis' agents to stop the childish nonsense of the fighting amongst the praetors. it's just childish bickering? "I want the ball!" "No, I want the ball!" The answer is that both of you use that ball to roll down and crush the tiny, imperfect ants that litter the sidewalk! They have given up on mere spying and have taken to combat. But their experience has left them as an ultimate stealth fighter. The opponent may know our intentions... But they can never stop them. Not even
Storm Crow
will stop us from lethal damage now.
Glistener Elf: The elves were indeed an elite breed, but far from perfect. We have let them soak in our baths of Glistening Oil, and they have become our ultimate weapon. No, they do not have ninja-like magic and stealth, nor do they defy death itself through loyalty. (Why would they? Many of them were converted against their will, and their past selves still haunt them.) But they are now willing to fight more than any others, and hence come to the aid of Phyrexia faster and more efficiently than any others. Tremble mortals, for what was once a gorgeous elven damsel of a woman is now a deadly assassin who aims only for the throat for a turn 2 OHKO. This is how wars are won. Not with armies of soldiers but a single blade, artfully placed.
Pumps: These warriors are merely newts in comparison with what they can become. Yawgmoth didn't succeed in his conquest to become a planeswalker and dominate existence, but I have. When the infinite perfection of Phyrexia meets the infinite power of a planeswalker, any remains are naught but dust, desperately blowing in the wind, to find something to cling to for survival. To no avail.
Groundswell
: In my quest to Zendikar, being sent there to sample Eldrazi genes for an experimental new breed of Horrors commissioned by Gin-Gitaxis, I learned an important lesson: Fighting for one's polis, one's place in the universe, one's land, essentially, is the greatest motivator to fight. But sometimes, that land will help you in turn. Zendikar has very powerful land, but it will never be equal to the land that Father Yawgmoth discovered. This spell will channel the power of Phyrexian lands into the creature, increasing its power. But if a land has been newly spread to my current plane, that creature will have a swell of emotions, a swell of patriotism, a sense of "My name is _, son of , lover of __ and parent of , from the land of Phyrexia! his is my place in the universe, and NOTHING WILL KEEP ME FROM IT!" Boom. +4/+4 for 1 mana. Now that's military efficiency. Eh? Messing with people's emotions and free will? Emotions are just another resource for war through the eyes of Phyrexia.
Might of Old Krosa
: I remember staying up late at night as a young newt, reading and hearing stories of Dominaria. I was always fascinated by the ancient forest of Krosa. I eventually learned a spell originating from the forest in Mirrodin, a carving left on the
Tower of Champions
. It seems as though the ancient power of the oldwalkers still remains, for this spell bends time itself, back to a time when creatures were far mightier then now, possibly even planeswalkers. And I will be the first to re-ascend to the oldwalker power level. Nicol Bolas, Emrakul, karn, Marit Lage! ALL will become Phyrexians!
Mutagenic Growth: The Grand Evolution is simple: The weak are either slaves or food for the strong. How does something become stronger? By becoming bigger! We will modify the genetics of the Phyrexians to become bigger. They are perfectly sized for their homes in Phyrexia, but on other worlds we don't care about creatures being too big. In fact, it's a benefit. To crush the feeble mortals beneath our heels. they will revert to their regular sizes with time, and can return home to "Their places in the universe."
Rancor: HATRED. WE HATE DOMINARIA. WE HATE THE MUTIVERSE.
WE
HATE
IMPERFECTION!!!!!
The power of hatred of the opponent's imperfection drives our creatures to do extra damage, and never strive to onl kill one creature. Now they attack with such fervor that they simply go through the blocker like butter and slice its controller for nearly equivalent damage. People can claim to forgive and forget, but their hatred will always remain on some level. In Phyreixa, we do not hide the truth. Hatred lasts forever, as does the increased damage. All in our squad know each other well, and the death of one will drive another to slay the opponent with even more hatred.
Other: Phyrexia is a machine of many parts. Here are the rest of the parts that come together to become the perfect Phyrexia.
Apostle's Blessing: Phyrexia watches from its eternal throne, ready to ward the Phyrexian armada against any imperfections that may try to afflict them. They cannot even be blocked by what is deemed undesirable, nor targeted, dashing past anything that would try to hold them back from perfection; both their own, and spreading it to others.
Distortion Strike: I was commonly hated by other Phyrexians due to an imperfection upon my creation; one of my arms was created withered and weak. I was supposed to be burned in the furnace, but was save by who is now my only true friend. She was a Blight Agent herself. We have worked together to assemble our armies, and she taught me the magic and stealth the agents use. I can give this power to other Phyrexians, the ability to increase the silence of their stealth and swiftness of their swords. Often times, for more strike than one.
Gitaxian Probe: Her name is Sangwanessa. She's special: She can see not only the written plans of her enemies, but see into their very minds. She taught me to do the same. Ah, how I miss her. How many years since I've felt her touch... The spell allows me to see their plans, and by sending them to Phyrexia, they can see I'm still doing their work, and will aid my conquest by giving me more knowledge. One day, I will achieve omniscience, and my mind will be perfect.
Ranger's Guile: Training in the Tangle has taught the Phyrexians to know when to duck for cover, how to evade the inevitable. Commonly even to absorb the energy into their own bodies, to easier bring slaughter to the enemies of Phyrexia.
Vines of Vastwood: On Zendikar, I went to the Vastwood. The elemental energy I could sense there was incredible, and I took some of the energy with me. If a Phyrexian is put in peril by a spell, the Vastwood's energy will shield, often strengthen it.
Sideboard: Some beings are intolerant of perfection, having a moral or philosophical objection to this idea of complete perfection. Here are our final solutions. To show them that no matter what they try, the Phyrexians will counteract everything they try.
Perfect Game On A Mull To 4...
Let's assume you got unlucky and had to mull to 4, as well as lost the die roll.
Turn 1: Draw a forest, play it, Glistener Elf, pass.
Turn 2: Draw a Forest, play it, swing for 1... Before damage 2x
Groundswell
and a Mutagenic Growth. Wheee~ Err, I mean... Perfection is yours, now...
Ways to improve? I'm new to infect. Even that which is perfect can improve itself, for perfection is omnipotent... What should I do for the sideboard?
