Sorcery (2)

Instant (1)

Enchantment (1)



To get this MFer started, you mill yourself with Tracker's Instinct, Deranged Assistant, and Armored Skaab . Then you drop more s**t into your grave in the form of Dawntreader Elk , and Wasteland Viper. That MFer's got Bloodrush (worst mechanic in Standard after Scavenge) too. Getting hit by fliers? Hit up Wingstop and grab some wings with Wingcrafter, and give all your homies first class seats on flight Bust-Yo-Ass. Then it's time to bring out the big homies. Got 7 creatures in grave? Make Macklemore proud and go thrifting: play that 10/10 Ghoultree for a green. Then play your 7/7 Splinterfright or Boneyard Wurm , because you fix mana better than plumbers fix faucets. Or that Kessig Cagebreakers and hit him with 14 damage with wolf homies. Heck, if you bought all the tokens, they'd be the most expensive part of this deck.

Hit the spells instead of creatures? No worries, bro, we got backup. Everything already has flashback built in; it's like having that $20 blue card for free. Lil' Jon telling your life to get low? No problem. Gnaw to the Bone for 14. Ghoultree getting blocked by weenies? No problem. Artful Dodge for 10.

So what if they other guy's got too many homies all up in your grill? What if they be cock-blocking you whenever you with the ladies? What the other guy's sticking 20's in his sleeves and playing with Snapcaster Mage? Or they be all like Rakdos Charm or Rest in Peace all over your front lawn? Or you just want to smack people in the face like every other blue deck? There's an app for that. It's called the MFing Sideboard. Contrary to popular belief, you can buy time with money. It's called dropping 10 cents for some Fog. And if you getting cock-blocked, just Bachelor's in Art History and Master's in Artful Dodge . And then we hexproof the graveyard with Ground Seal, because who needs spells anyway? Then you can protect the dead homies in your front lawn with some Naturalize and some Witchbane Orb. And if you just wanna be a dick, there's always Spell Rupture . Ghoultree's out to collect your taxes, pay 10, pussy.

Just try not to hit any Dimir mill decks, ok?


lil_cheez says... #1

Damn! I was expecting a Laboratory Maniac deck! But a beatdown is way nicer! +1!

March 30, 2013 11:16 p.m.

NeoHazard says... #2

+1 for Description alone lol. I like this build too, cost is low and looks like fun to play. Question what do you sideboard out? I like the deck just how it is but I could see some problems that the sideboard can fix but I dont know what I would remove.

April 1, 2013 11:15 a.m.

hipsterdontlie says... #3

Sideboard cheatsheet:

Against control: -3 Gnaw to the Bone , because they'll probably chunk you out in just 2 turns regardless of how much life you have.

Against faster decks: -3 Kessig Cagebreakers , because you need a lot cards in grave for this to be effective.

Against decks that don't need to be stalled: -3 Judge's Familiar , because it's just a stall card.

Things that you never remove: Splinterfreight, Armored Skaab , Deranged Assistant , Ghoultree . These make the deck a lot more consistent.

April 1, 2013 9:04 p.m.

Firemonkey098 says... #4

is it just me or did hipster have pokemon cards show up when u highlight the names

April 3, 2013 6:06 p.m.

hipsterdontlie says... #5

I posted that comment on April Fool's Day, and that was Tapped Out's joke to link Pokemon cards. I'm guessing they haven't changed to comment links back. But now I'm actually a hipster and building Pokemon decks on Tapped Out.

April 4, 2013 1:54 a.m.

I like it... I've been thinking along similar lines and learned a thing or two from yours. But why no [suggestion: Alchemist's Apprentice] or [suggestion: Skaab Ruinator]? I would run a play set of the first and 1 or 2 in the latter.

April 4, 2013 10:46 p.m.

hipsterdontlie says... #7

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll try to play test.

But, currently, this is why I'm currently not running these cards: Skaab Ruinator weakens Boneyard Wurm and Splinterfright , and, since we have Tracker's Instincts , we are almost guaranteed to plus, so the draw from Alchemist's Apprentice seems redundant, when compared to the much needed stall from Judge's Familiar and the mana-fixing of Dawntreader Elk (since they all give bodies).

April 5, 2013 5:56 a.m.

improphet77 says... #8

i think Rancor would help this deck

April 5, 2013 7:02 a.m.

Alonz0 says... #9

This deck is cool and you sound like a straight G from the hood +1

April 5, 2013 11:35 p.m.

Love decks with concepts like this. +

April 6, 2013 7:11 p.m.

DNsLight says... #11

Have you tried with Chronic Flooding

April 6, 2013 9:01 p.m.

If you splashed black, you could add Forbidden Alchemy , Gravecrawler , and Disciple of Bolas for more graveyard shenanigans.

April 8, 2013 5:48 p.m.

Chronic Flooding is interesting, but I'm not convinced on it because it's useless if you happen to mill it. The current mill engine is enough, and has more utility than Flooding.

The reason why I didn't splash black is because it would require a lot more money to be spent in the land base. It's already hard enough as it is trying to not get color screwed with just dual lands. This deck used to run Spider Spawning and a bunch of gates, but I took it out for more consistency with land drops.

April 8, 2013 6:51 p.m.

Quints says... #14

I would suggest Wingcrafter in place of Judge's Familiar .

April 8, 2013 10:01 p.m.

RuneViking says... #15

Hey now, milling the opponent with mono-blue or blue/black is always fun. You don't even have to care about their life, you could be versing the biggest white healer like ajani or some shit and then just be like 'i dont give a damn about your life, bitch' and then jace the fuck outta them.

April 9, 2013 8:02 a.m.

The description alone made me love this deck. It's also unique as well as effective! Well done, good buddy!

April 10, 2013 11:17 a.m.

kkkongpa says... #17

Get some breeding pool to fix some of the mana, also mulch would be better since you can ditch more creatures and fix your mana.

April 10, 2013 12:07 p.m.

kkkongpa says... #18

Wreath of Geists as a maybe board????? I mean nothing like doubling the power and toughness of your Boneyard Worm and splinterfright.

April 10, 2013 12:09 p.m.

mulch? forbidden aclehmy?..... both mill cards that get u card advantage instead, its better then tracker's instinct. or even grisley salvage splash black in there

April 10, 2013 5:31 p.m.

Psst...splashing black may be beneficial once Varolz, the Scar Striped comes out.

April 11, 2013 12:27 a.m.

JazzyOJ says... #21

Absolutely hilarious. You are a master of deck descriptions.

April 11, 2013 2:04 a.m.

mikeweiss says... #22

This deck was a lot of fun! Took the guys by surprise and was a blast to drive.

April 12, 2013 5:22 p.m.

Hogiej says... #23

I saw a self mill work very well once. He milled himself to just on card in his library then play Psychic Spiral . You can guess how the rest of the story goes. The worst part is that he did that again in the same game!

April 13, 2013 3:40 a.m.

Chrisbox says... #24

yo mah dude +1 real talk reppin' it in the hood.

April 14, 2013 3:27 a.m.

You should run Psychic Spiral for an alternate win-con and a reset button if you do hit a mill player

April 15, 2013 11:11 a.m.

if you guys liked this i was looking for advice on these forever but now they're finished Momir Vig's Mad Experiment for Commander and Laboratory Experiment that ive been playing in standard since dark ascension was spoiledand any idea's i can give you for yours are written in the Laboratory Experiment description, but i'll suggest adding one each of Laboratory Maniac Memory's Journey and Think Twice , won't hurt you none to have one of each, and could be a lifesaver in the right place, even with them all in your yard, plus if your opponent see's Laboratory Maniac it draws hate away from your big critters

April 18, 2013 5:19 p.m.

Drogon360 says... #27

Mirror-Mad Phantasm could power this up.

April 22, 2013 5:18 p.m.

Sam_I_am says... #28

Skaab Ruinator can be brought back right from your graveyard, and is apparently really cheap now

April 22, 2013 5:21 p.m.

The reason why Mirror-Mad Phantasm isn't in this deck is because by turn 4-5, you will already have milled enough to beat down the opponent. It would be great if the cost was lower, but because it's a 5 drop, it doesn't make that big of a difference on this deck.

Skaab Ruinator takes creatures out of the grave, and makes the main combo less effective. So, sorry, but no.

Psychic Spiral kills what the deck tries to do. There's not enough cards that give advantage to play it without running out of steam.

Laboratory Maniac is too mainstream. Try again.

April 22, 2013 7:34 p.m.

Sam_I_am says... #30

the main combo is less effective than Skaab Ruinator is in the first place

April 22, 2013 7:54 p.m.

pokeyrabbit says... #31

why you no mulch??????

April 22, 2013 9:14 p.m.

why I no money for black :(

April 23, 2013 12:32 p.m.

JK I'm thinking of another card, it's because Tracker's Instincts is better.

April 23, 2013 12:33 p.m.

Ryz says... #34

Sakura-Tribe Elder instead of Dawntreader Elk , sakura has a free sacrafice cost for the same effect

April 26, 2013 12:35 p.m.

That card isn't in standard.

April 28, 2013 12:08 a.m.

Ryz says... #36

any ideas to counter Rest in Peace ?

May 10, 2013 4:14 p.m.

Naturalize and Spell Rupture are in the side to destroy or counter Rest in Peace , respectively.

May 11, 2013 11:12 p.m.

I was looking to make a self-milling deck thinking that a Blue/Black Zombie type deck would be best. Google led me to this deck, and I loved the idea. Thank you for adding the comment that it was cheap, that led me to price it, and thirteen dollars on TCG later, I have everything on your list for the main deck (not sideboard) x 4. Also got 4 of each guildgate land (I was trying to figure out a way to get some of these sexy dual lands, but I couldn't find a type that wasn't at least two dollars a card.

I'm a pretty new player, but I found out really fast I like interesting and even possibly annoying troll-decks-of-doom. I play vintage with friends and I think this could match my Indestructibility and Platinum Angel deck for messing with heads.

July 17, 2013 4:10 a.m.

breadstix51 says... #39

Satyr Wayfinder would help

March 20, 2014 8:10 p.m.

piggybanks112 says... #40

Replace Artful Dodge with Aqueous Form .

April 4, 2014 8:05 p.m.

I appreciate the comments but this deck is, unfortunately, no longer standard legal. This means that all alterations on this deck have been halted. Sorry.

April 11, 2014 4:18 a.m.

TwilitWave says... #42

How so? :O

May 13, 2014 8:22 p.m.

The rotation was Innistrad block out and Theros block in. Because this deck relies mostly on Innistrad cards, it's no longer viable.

May 14, 2014 6:19 a.m.

TwilitWave says... #44

Ohhh, bummer!

May 15, 2014 5:17 p.m.

Webby says... #45

I also made a self mill deck, but mine is Sultai colors. Not sure if ill get any ideas from it, but check it out anyways.

December 5, 2014 1:15 p.m.

Webby says... #46

December 5, 2014 1:15 p.m.

Webby says... #47

Mine is modern though. :)

December 5, 2014 1:15 p.m.

xaldrix says... #48


May 23, 2015 1:02 a.m.

Please login to comment