Queen Marchesa Orders You to Slap

Commander / EDH Group Slug Jank Pillow Fort RBW (Mardu)

EDoironL

Alternative Win Cons (3)

• 1x Approach of the Second Sun
• 1x Assemble the Legion
• 1x Skyline Despot

Don't Slap Me (11)

• 1x Aurification
• 1x Dread
• 1x Ghostly Prison
• 1x Kazuul, Tyrant of the Cliffs
• 1x Koskun Falls
• 1x Maze of Ith
• 1x Michiko Konda, Truth Seeker
• 1x Norn's Annex
• 1x Sphere of Safety
• 1x Teysa, Envoy of Ghosts
• 1x Windborn Muse

Draw (4)

• 1x Light Up the Stage
• 1x Painful Truths
• 1x Phyrexian Arena
• 1x Read the Bones

Lands (38)

• 1x Ash Barrens
• 1x Battlefield Forge
• 1x Blood Crypt
• 1x Bojuka Bog
• 1x Boros Garrison
• 1x Canyon Slough
• 1x Castle Locthwain
• 1x Clifftop Retreat
• 1x Command Tower
• 1x Evolving Wilds
• 1x Exotic Orchard
• 1x Fabled Passage
• 1x Kher Keep
• 5x Mountain
• 1x Myriad Landscape
• 1x Needle Spires
• 1x Nomad Outpost
• 1x Orzhov Basilica
• 6x Plains
• 1x Rakdos Carnarium
• 1x Shambling Vent
• 4x Swamp
• 1x Temple of Malice
• 1x Temple of Triumph
• 1x Terramorphic Expanse
• 1x Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth

Ramp (7)

• 1x Chromatic Lantern
• 1x Commander's Sphere
• 1x Fellwar Stone
• 1x Sol Ring
• 1x Sword of the Animist
• 1x Talisman of Conviction
• 1x Talisman of Hierarchy

Response to Getting Slapped/Board Control (12)

• 1x Anguished Unmaking
• 1x Austere Command
• 1x Chaos Warp
• 1x Deflecting Palm
• 1x Field of Ruin
• 1x Merciless Eviction
• 1x Overwhelming Splendor
• 1x Royal Assassin
• 1x Spear of Heliod
• 1x Swords to Plowshares
• 1x Tragic Arrogance
• 1x Utter End

Slap Enhancers (4)

• 1x Brutal Hordechief
• 1x Gisela, Blade of Goldnight
• 1x Rite of the Raging Storm
• 1x Tempt with Vengeance

Slap Them (13)

• 1x Avatar of Slaughter
• 1x Basandra, Battle Seraph
• 1x Bloodthirsty Blade
• 1x Curse of Opulence
• 1x Disrupt Decorum
• 1x Fumiko the Lowblood
• 1x Grand Melee
• 1x Grenzo, Havoc Raiser
• 1x Instigator
• 1x Maddening Imp
• 1x Nettling Imp
• 1x Warmonger Hellkite
• 1x War's Toll

Utility (7)

• 1x Coveted Jewel
• 1x Glaring Spotlight
• 1x Mirage Mirror
• 1x Ob Nixilis Reignited
• 1x Rakdos Charm
• 1x Varchild, Betrayer of Kjeldor
• 1x Xantcha, Sleeper Agent

Commander (1)

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Maybeboard

Other (3)

• 1x Crawlspace
• 1x Goblin Diplomats
• 1x Orzhov Advokist

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When you're the monarch, you don't want to get slapped. What's less regal than a slap in the face? By the same merit, what's more regal than slapping someone else, or better yet, having others slap someone else for you? Incentivize your enemies into slapping each other and have a great time drawing cards and not getting slapped.

Breaking Down the Categories: A Time to Slap

Slap Them

This is the crux of the deck. You want everyone getting slapped, and these are the cards to do it. Upon a mountain of slaps, these cards are the summit. These cards make it so that people will start slapping each other whether they want to or not.

The idea is simple: Have creatures attack. If it's only their creatures, great. If it's your creatures as well, so be it. Everyone will be slapping so hard no one will notice if your creatures jump into the mix. However, this idea of slapping can be refined into something that is much more beneficial to you than your enemies. With the preparations you've made for the slaps you will bring, you will have safe harbor in this storm of slaps.

Don't Slap Me

You won't want to get slapped when you're the queen, so you gotta have some ways to stop these surfs from slapping you, especially when you're getting everyone in the mood for slapping with the cards under the category above.

These are just your typical pillowfort cards to make sure that it's tough for your opponents to make the decision to slap you when there are other faces that they can slap without paying a slapping tax. If they gotta slap someone this combat, it's much easier to justify slapping the guy next to you if they don't need to pay mana for it. Oftentimes, pillowforts just keep people out of the fray, even when there isn't much slapping. In this deck, every pillowfort card is crucial to keeping your face pristine and free from slaps while the board is caught up in slap fever.

Slap Enhancers

Probably the most nuanced category, Slap Enhancers make the slaps much better for you than for the other dopes around the table getting slapped. They just make slapping THAT much more slappy, with Tempt with Vengeance making sure everyone's got some little red elemental hands to slap with, and Brutal Hordechief making so that the opponent getting slapped has their face at just the right angle to accrue maximum hand-to-face action. Like the ancient Hawaiians used to say: "When things get slappy, ya boi gets happy!"

The other cards, whether it be through combat shenanigans or damage manipulation, help you get the better end of the deal when you head off to the slap market. Gisela, Blade of Goldnight means our slaps are worth double while theirs are half off? That's what we call a "slap bargain" back home.

Response to Getting Slapped/Board Control

This is what you use to lay down the law if someone gets a little too slap-happy and decides to bring the slaps your way. Let them know that these slaps won't be tolerated by turning all their creatures into weenies with Overwhelming Splendor, or blowing up their Cabal Coffers with Field of Ruin.

This is also a way to make sure there's nothing too wacky out on the board with board wipes and spot removal. You want everyone getting slapped, but you don't want the slapping to get so crazy that even you might get slapped. Tone down the slapping with a good old fashioned Tragic Arrogance. Someone'll probably thank you for it. Maybe they won't, but what're they gonna do? Slap you? Get outta town.

Alternative Win Cons

These are just cards that are good with the theme of not getting slapped and being the monarch. While the deck focuses on slapping and slapping accessories, there might be a time when that approach just doesn't work. However, if no one can slap you and you're drawing a bunch of cards, who's to stop you from winning with Approach of the Second Sun?

Summary

The rest of the categories are straightforward and just oil to make sure your slapping machine is running smoothly, but I'm sure you get the gist of the deck. Putting together the drive to slap and the punishments that come from slapping the queen makes for smooth sailing while your opponents wreck face. Let me know what you think and how the deck might benefit from more or less slaps.

Date added	5 years
Last updated	4 years
Legality	This deck is Commander / EDH legal.
Rarity (main - side)	5 - 0 Mythic Rares 52 - 0 Rares 18 - 0 Uncommons 10 - 0 Commons
Cards	100
Avg. CMC	3.82
Tokens	Assassin 1/1 B w/ Haste, Dragon 5/5 R, Elemental 1/1 R w/ Haste, Emblem Ob Nixilis Reignited, Gold, Kobolds of Kher Keep 0/1 R, Lightning Rager, Ogre 3/3 R, Soldier 1/1 RW, Spirit 1/1 WB, Survivor 1/1 R, The Monarch