This deck can lose on your turn 1 upkeep, I can already smell the meta changing...

Now I know what you're thinking, "WHAT!?! How can a deck this OP exist!?! I mean, it can consistently lose or turn 1!?!" But this deck is real.

I know it is a bit land heavy, having a total of 38 lands, so maybe you can actually play some spells.. But fear not! Every single land in this deck is hand picked for the fact that it is returned to your hand immediately after being played. Yes: Every. Single. One.

Now, if you haven't noticed and gotten it through your thick skull how truly OP this deck is, well, listen: There are a total of 20 spells in this deck that cost 0 mana, so you can play them on your opponents first turn. Now I know, playing things on your opponents turn is a good way to win... But not in this case! As you will consistently lose at the very beginning of your first turn! You cannot get better at losing than that!

I am sorry, I lied. You can get better at losing than that. but only with the power of... STORM CROW!!!!! "What, but Storm Crow is so good it can't even be used in legacy?!?" But there's a twist. We all know that you are required to concede if you so much as see an opponents Storm Crow, as it is utterly hopeless. This would put most decks in a position of winning, but not us! We have to power to counter their concede with our own conceding!!! NYA-HA-HA!!! Now if that isn't diabolical I don't know what is!

Last but not least, this deck is incredibly cheap for it's power, at only $240! I know right!?! You can consistently lose on turn 1 for only $240!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This deck really will flop the meta on its head! Wizards of the Coast will rue the day it made cards that are so OP, HYA-HA-HA!

All recommendations for new cards will be both appreciated and ignored.


Comments View Archive

IzzetCThulu says... #1

I've been deeply scouring the depths of the tappedout community for a deck that is both SUPER COMPETITIVE and yet FLAWLESSLY DESIGNED, and yet somehow I missed this priceless gem... A turn 1 lose that runs Storm Crow?! How come I hadn't thought of this sooner, or at least run into it.

To you, Mr. Grunyarth, I tip my hat and say with utmost gratitude: Thank you.

+1 Well played my friend.

April 8, 2017 3:15 p.m.

KongMing says... #2

Sideboard exactly one Abyssal Persecutor, just in case...

April 15, 2017 8:09 p.m.

Grunyarth says... #3

krackhour, Final 4chan is a great addition, thank you for the suggestion, I can already imagine the games I could lose from this.

KongMing, Abyssal Persecutor is a great sideboard addition in case of the mirror match, which could definitely be a problem.

Whith all these new ideas I should one day take this to a pro tour! And I'll Lose!!!!!!

April 16, 2017 10:04 a.m.

Grunyarth says... #4

krackhour, you have tricked me. You said that I should run Final 4chan, whithout alerting me to the consequences. This deck is no longer modern legal, that is, it is illegal. I am slightly put off, BUT LETS GO DOMINATE VINTAGE B*TCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April 16, 2017 10:14 a.m.

KongMing says... #5

Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug isn't as consistent as the rest of the cards in your deck; it's a guaranteed Turn 2 loss instead of Turn 1 because you have to play it on your attack step. That said, it is the original Super haste card, and deserves an honorable mention at least. (:

April 16, 2017 6:29 p.m.

Grunyarth says... #6

KongMing, Do you realise that Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug deals 3 damage! Games are decided on small amounts of life in vintage, and I cannot suffer that risk of winning! No way am I including a win condition!

April 16, 2017 7:17 p.m.

QuantumSkies says... #7

Dark Ritual to Necropotence, pay 20 life. Doesn't fit here but it's a way to lose turn 1.

April 21, 2017 9:53 p.m.

Grunyarth says... #8

Uhh, No. Necropetence generates this horrible thing called card advantage, which even has advantage in its name. There is no way I can use anything that gives any kind of advantage.

April 22, 2017 9:53 a.m.

Redace878 says... #9

If you put in cards that are not Vintage legal, you are disqualified before the game even starts. I think thats even better.

April 22, 2017 10:17 a.m.

autruche2 says... #10

dang at least it took 4 second of my life fuck ............

April 30, 2017 11:41 a.m.

Soulcommando says... #11

Have you considered Glorious End? You could end your opponent's turn to prevent them from having a chance to lose before you! XD

May 7, 2017 3:22 p.m.

Grunyarth says... #12

Ahh, very good idea Soulcommando, I think that this new card is worthy of a full playset...

May 8, 2017 8:06 p.m.

Hereggor says... #13

Storm Crow is too good for this deck

May 10, 2017 9:59 p.m.

KongMing says... #14

The only problem with Glorious End is that since all of your lands bounce, you'll never have the mana to play it. );

May 22, 2017 7:09 p.m.

neosapien says... #15

Throw in some gideons and you have an actual winning deck LOL

May 31, 2017 10:31 a.m.

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79% Casual

21% Competitive

Compare to inventory
Date added 8 months
Last updated 3 weeks

This deck is Vintage legal.

Cards 61
Avg. CMC 0.96
Tokens 4/4 Giant
Folders To Good To Be True, Cool Decks, DREAMY, decks i liked, Yeah, I want this. - Other peoples' stuff that I want, Miscellaneous, Ideas for future reference, Decks to build, Cool Decks, hell yeah, See all 12
Top rank #20 on 2017-03-07
Views 4328