Lose - Turn 1 Edition

Vintage* Aggro Budget Casual Competitive Five Color Jank

Grunyarth

Land (29)

• 2x Azorius Chancery
• 2x Boros Garrison
• 2x Dimir Aqueduct
• 3x Gateway Plaza
• 2x Golgari Rot Farm
• 2x Gruul Turf
• 2x Izzet Boilerworks
• 2x Orzhov Basilica
• 2x Rakdos Carnarium
• 3x Rupture Spire
• 2x Selesnya Sanctuary
• 2x Simic Growth Chamber
• 3x Transguild Promenade

Instant (24)

• 4x Glorious End
• 4x Intervention Pact
• 4x Pact of Negation
• 4x Pact of the Titan
• 4x Slaughter Pact
• 4x Summoner's Pact

Creature (7)

• 1x Abyssal Persecutor
• 1x Ornithopter
• 1x Progenitus
• 4x Storm Crow

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Now I know what you're thinking, "WHAT!?! This is OP!!! How is this Real!?!?! I mean, it can consistently lose on turn 1!?!" But this deck is real.

I know it is a bit land heavy, having a total of 30 lands, so maybe you can actually play some spells??? But fear not! Every single land in this deck is hand picked for the fact that it is returned to your hand immediately after being played. Yes: Every. Single. One.

Now, if you haven't noticed and gotten it through your thick skull how truly OP this deck is, well, listen: There are a total of 20 spells in this deck that cost 0 mana, so you can play them on your opponents first turn. Now I know, playing things on your opponents turn is a good way to win... But not in this case! We won't even have the mana to have the option of paying the cost! We. Will. LOSE!!!

Still don't believe me? Too dense to understand? Give it a playtest. Or two. Or two hundred. However many tries you give, I give you my 100% guarantee that this deck will lose 100% of the time! Or your money back! You really can't get any better at losing than this!

I am sorry, I lied. You can get better at losing than that. but only with the power of... STORM CROW!!!!! "What, but Storm Crow is so good it can't even be used in legacy?!?" But there's a twist. We all know that you are required to concede if you so much as see an opponents Storm Crow, as it is utterly hopeless. This would put most decks in a position of winning, but not us! We have to power to counter their concede with our own conceding!!! NYA-HA-HA!!!

Tech

Now many of you may be wondering: WHY IS THERE A FREAKIN ORNITHOPTER M8!?!?! Well, the answer is quite simple: if you are facing a highly skilled opponent, they may prevent your lossage by not playing a creature for you to Slaughter Pact (it does need a target), so you need a cheap one of your own for that sweet sweet victory. (Disclaimer: this card can occasionally win you the game if an opponent has a Burst of Strength effect, make sure to keep a Pact of Negation handy).

"WELL THEN, WHY THE PROGENITUS?!?!? ISN'T HE TOO SLOW FOR VINTAGE?!?!" Well my friends, the short answer is no. In fact, with Summoner's Pact he can lose the game within a turn, making him the fastest game end-er in all of vintage!!!

Another great piece of tech is the Abyssal Persecutor, who is mainly here for the mirror match. Imagine this: on your turn 1 they play a Pact of the Titan, and thinking that they will successfully lose they start jumping for joy with a big grin across their face (:D). Then you slam down you Abyssal Persecutor. Can't you imagine the pain and misery that will wash over their face after that? (Bonus points if you cackle maniacally)

Last but not least, this deck is incredibly cheap for it's power, at only $160! I know right!?! You can consistently lose on turn 1 for only $160!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This deck really will flop the meta on its head! Wizards of the Coast will rue the day it made cards that are so OP, HYA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

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Top Ranked	Achieved #3 position overall 7 years ago
Date added	7 years
Last updated	5 years
Legality	This deck is Vintage legal.
Rarity (main - side)	5 - 0 Mythic Rares 21 - 0 Rares 3 - 0 Uncommons 31 - 0 Commons
Cards	60
Avg. CMC	1.26
Tokens	Giant 4/4 R
Folders	To Good To Be True, Cool Decks, DREAMY, Yeah, I want this. - Other peoples' stuff that I want, Miscellaneous, Ideas for future reference, Decks to build, Cool Decks, hell yeah, Decks I like