-- KYNAIOS AND TIRO'S ENCHANTED MENAGERIE --Group Hug
Police the board by turning your opponents best assets into cute little forest animals with no abilities
Lots of single-target removal, good options for boardwipes and counterspells (most of which grant a small boon to soften the blow politically)
Lots of card draw and opportunities for ramp
Pillowforts for DAYS
Some recursion, some token creation
Wins via life gain in combination with Felidar Sovereign, Approach of the Second Sun, blasting somebody with Aetherflux Reservoir, or pillowforting until opponents are beaten down and swinging in for lethal with
Rubblehulk
, Dragonlord Dromoka, Gisela, Blade of Goldnight, Felidar Sovereign, or hitting them with a late game Treacherous Terrain
-- THE STORY BEHIND THIS ABSURDITY -- So I bought Stalwart Unity.
It looked fun to me. And I won with it twice.
But I noticed that it REALLY allowed my friends' decks to go off without much in the way of keeping them in check. This concerned me.
I had three cards (Kari Zev, Skyship Raider, Dragonlord Dromoka, and Aetherflux Reservoir) that hadn't worked well in any other decks and I was simply DYYYYYYIIIIIIIING to play with them -- mostly to swing a monkey at somebody's face -- so I slotted them in for my own amusement. Not so much as answers, but just for my enjoyment. I wanted to make more changes to the deck, but wasn't quite sure what direction to go in.
Soon after, a fan-fiction style narrative took over my thought process -- in which my beloved (but in EDH terms, semi-useless) Kari Zev, Skyship Raider was engaged in a polyamorous, Sense8-style throuple relationship with Kynaios and Tiro of Meletis. You know, like the Daniela to their Lito and Hernando. Best friends, room-mates, platonic lovers who make cocktails together and then share a bathtub. They're gay. She's not. But she loves THEIR love. It was... beautiful.
Now the whole point of running Kari is the monkey. Ragavan. And in thinking about Ragavan, an idea was born.
I'd recently come across the card
Polymorphist's Jest
. It was ABSURD. I loved it. And I thought to myself (as Ragavan looked back at me from atop the mast of Kari's ship The Dragon's Smile) -- "what if the answers I'm looking for to control my opponents exploding board states lie in turning their most valuable permanents into cute little animals like Ragavan?..."
I searched desperately for every spell that could turn my opponents best assets into frogs/trees/monkeys/pigs/beetles/wild stallions/squirrels for all I care/etc.
In that process, my playgroup convinced me (to initial protesting) that I couldn't live without staple EDH heavyhitters like Wrath of God and Cyclonic Rift as well as counterspells. They said the deck basically had no board interaction and likely couldn't hold up without other players to do the policing.
I didn't want to ruin the Group Hug flavor (and become a source of Group Punishment), so I sought out cards that leave your opponents with a gift when you counter or wipe them out. Like a bird token or the opportunity to draw a card (i.e.
Dream Fracture
). You know. Cute stuff.
Ultimately I settled on 9 unique and fun ways of turning my friends cards into enchanted zoo creatures -- Pongify being my favorite, but closely followed by things like Darksteel Mutation and Song of the Dryads. I chose the boardwipes I found most appropriate and picked some counterspells and artifact/enchantment removal.
Many of these displaced a number of the extra hug effects from the pre-con (of which there are frankly WAY too many considering what your commander allows the group to do), so I focused on card draw and land drop effects that either come with a downside (a la Fevered Visions) or are enchantment based and play into my pillow fort strategy with Sphere of Safety (as in swapping
Dictate of Kruphix
in for Howling Mine).
I was elated. Giddy with how adorable the whole thing was shaping up to be. MY MENAGERIE WAS NEARING COMPLETION.
At least until my friend pointed out that I had basically zero ways to win with it.
Now Stalwart Unity makes you wait out the game and pillow fort until you can Treacherous Terrain somebody or
Rubblehulk
with the absurd number of lands you've played.
But I noticed that in most games, I'd go upwards of 60 to 70 life with Venser's Journal out on the field. Which turned my thoughts back to Aetherflux Reservoir.
What if I could gain a bunch of life and then blast down an opponent? Or use it as a threat for political motivation? Or just gain life for the sake of gaining more life and totally outlasting?
I brought this up to my friend.
His first words were "you HAVE to run Felidar Sovereign".
Now I thought this was a stupid and cheap way to win. But he explained that if I can play it and have the life and resources to KEEP it in play, I deserve to win the game.
Begrudgingly I was convinced. Even if I didn't have the life to pull it off, Felidar Sovereign was a decently sized fatty and could work as a backup late-game win con if things got swingy.
While wrapping my mind around the idea of winning by a means other than combat or commander damage, I focused in on the lifegain idea. In considering ways to recur my enchanted creature spells once used (of which you'll see there are several nice options), I came across the card Archangel's Light -- which was like another Elixir of Immortality but with the potential for massive lifegain. Alongside the other 6 or 7 great avenues for unchecked lifegain it seemed like a solid plan.
Then I was made aware of the new Amonkhet card Approach of the Second Sun. It was lifegain and another backup win con. I was sold. I added in Gisela, Blade of Goldnight as one final vanity card (using the excuse that she could play into my defensive strategy while wearing down my opponents) and looked down on what felt like a completed work.
Kynaios, Tiro, and their platonic lover-friend Kari Zev smiled back at me with approval.
Ragavan just screeched and tried to steal my glasses off my face while I wasn't looking.
Now I'd still consider the deck to be somewhat of a work in progress (aren't they all?). And I'll be the first to admit that it exists SOLELY for my own enjoyment and amusement. Many cards are in the deck only for fun/flavor (i.e. Monkey Cage,
Coveted Peacock
, and if I'm being brutally honest Kari Zev because let's face it she kinda sucks). I also chose to leave a number of Stalwart Unity cards untouched to retain the original feel of the deck which I loved so much.
Overall though, I think it miiiiiiiiiight actually be a pretty decent and unique Group Hug deck, so if it sounds fun to you as well feel free to enjoy!!
xo,
Mona
PS, if you're incredibly extra like me (and your playgroup will allow it like mine), don't forget that Monkey Cage just says "put into play" and not "under your control". I know it's an older card and the intent is that you control the tokens, but be like me and Group Hug a few to your friends!! Shower the battlefield with monkeys!!
