Welcome to Al's Wait & Eat, where we excel in delivering the fastest slow food here in Mainframe!

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You can't wait all those turns for slow meals like Hand of Emrakul or Ulamog's Crusher to come out?

NO Prob, Bob

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We got you covered. Our chefs here are swift in the art of slow; Simian Spirit Guide, Hapless Researcher and Street Wraith help find the right recipes and ingredients. A leaf of Lotus Petal goes a long way to speed up the slow food. We need to be a Careful Study with what ingredients we want to keep, and what we want to discard; sometimes we need to be frantic and start a Faithless Looting of our pantry for things we need. When we have the meal ideas we know we want to prep for, we can set them aside for later and dig for necessary spices so that when the timing is just right, it will be a wonderfully Cathartic Reunion of flavours, basted with a good ol' Gitaxian Probe. These are all needed to ultimately pull off the showstopper:


Those spices and flavours we played earlier help us set our plate for later. We want to be able to pitch Hand of Emrakul, Striped Riverwinder and Ulamog's Crusher in the grave, along with Dragon Breath, so that when our meals come out, they're ready to deliver fast.

You want all the heartiness of slow food, served properly by turn 1? You got it!

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Hope you got a chuckle out of this little spin on a great Pauper build! If you didn't quite understand the poorly worded blurb that tried desperately at shoehorning card references, I don't blame you. In short, this deck cheats out stompies with Annihilator as early as T1; we do this by aggressively digging through our decks, drawing and pitching things like Hand of Emrakul, Ulamog's Crusher, and Dragon Breath, in hopes of casting Exhume by way of land drops, Lotus Petal activation and Simian Spirit Guide. This targets one of the big dudes and also triggers Dragon's Breath, giving it haste!

If you're AlphanumericAF, send a little love. +1


Updates Add

How fitting it is to be thankful at the fast pace of slow? I just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to read and get a kick out of my decklist for Pauper!

A Pauper deck achieved the #1 spot on Tappedout! What a time to be alive!


Compare to inventory
Date added 1 year
Last updated 4 months

This deck is Pauper legal.

Cards 60
Avg. CMC 3.23
Folders Strange Decks, Pauper, Dank Memes, nice, Pauper, Pauper, other pauper, pauper deks, other peoples great lists/decks, Interesting Decks, See all 12
Top rank #1 on 2017-04-03
Ignored suggestions
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Revision 5 See all

4 months ago)

-2 Cathartic Reunion main
+3 Mountain main
-3 Island main
+4 Careful Study main
+2 Dragon Breath main
-4 Gitaxian Probe main
+2 Cathartic Reunion main
-1 Striped Riverwinder main
+4 Lotus Petal main
-6 Swamp main
-3 Mountain main
-3 Hand of Emrakul main
+3 Island main
-4 Simian Spirit Guide main
+6 Swamp main
-3 Dragon Breath main
+3 Gurmag Angler main
+3 Hand of Emrakul main
+4 Simian Spirit Guide main
-4 Lotus Petal main
and 23 other change(s)