Welcome to Al's Wait & Eat, where we excel in delivering the fastest slow food here in Mainframe!

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You can't wait all those turns for slow meals like Hand of Emrakul or Ulamog's Crusher to come out?

NO Prob, Bob

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We got you covered. Our chefs here are swift in the art of slow; Simian Spirit Guide, Hapless Researcher and Street Wraith help find the right recipes and ingredients. A leaf of Lotus Petal goes a long way to speed up the slow food. We need to be a Careful Study with what ingredients we want to keep, and what we want to discard; sometimes we need to be frantic and start a Faithless Looting of our pantry for things we need. When we have the meal ideas we know we want to prep for, we can set them aside for later and dig for necessary spices so that when the timing is just right, it will be a wonderfully Cathartic Reunion of flavours, basted with a good ol' Gitaxian Probe. These are all needed to ultimately pull off the showstopper:


Those spices and flavours we played earlier help us set our plate for later. We want to be able to pitch Hand of Emrakul , Striped Riverwinder and Ulamog's Crusher in the grave, along with Dragon Breath , so that when our meals come out, they're ready to deliver fast.

You want all the heartiness of slow food, served properly by turn 1? You got it!

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Hope you got a chuckle out of this little spin on a great Pauper build! If you didn't quite understand the poorly worded blurb that tried desperately at shoehorning card references, I don't blame you. In short, this deck cheats out stompies with Annihilator as early as T1; we do this by aggressively digging through our decks, drawing and pitching things like Hand of Emrakul, Ulamog's Crusher, and Dragon Breath, in hopes of casting Exhume by way of land drops, Lotus Petal activation and Simian Spirit Guide. This targets one of the big dudes and also triggers Dragon's Breath, giving it haste!

If you're AlphanumericAF, send a little love. +1


How fitting it is to be thankful at the fast pace of slow? I just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to read and get a kick out of my decklist for Pauper!

A Pauper deck achieved the #1 spot on Tappedout! What a time to be alive!


Daedalus19876 says... #1

this is very disturbing

March 22, 2017 3:26 p.m.

n0bunga says... #2

Hahahahahahahaha thank you.

March 22, 2017 3:30 p.m.

Polupus says... #3

REBOOT! yes!

March 22, 2017 4:35 p.m.

feyn_do_alduin says... #4

if there was ever a deck to reboot magic at my LGS, this would be it

March 24, 2017 5:40 p.m.

n0bunga says... #5

It makes my circuits spark with pleasure to know there are users here who appreciate Reboot.

March 26, 2017 10:39 a.m.

UpsetYoMama says... #6

That moment when Gitaxian Probe is banned in Modern but not Pauper.

It seems like you can play a bunch of spells in one about Empty the Warrens as SB tech (alternate win con) against people with graveyard hate?

TBH I actually know very little about Pauper.

March 27, 2017 7:18 p.m.

LCJ38 says... #7

Hey I took a look at your turn 1 win and didn't figure out how it worked, could you explain?

Also, +1

March 27, 2017 9:24 p.m.

n0bunga says... #8

LCJ38 of course!

So the idea is to dig through your deck using Faithless Looting, Gitaxian Probe and such until you pitch Dragon Breath and one of the big eldrazi, preferably Ulamog's Crusher then with a Swamp and either Simian Spirit Guide or Lotus Petal, you Exhume Ulamog's Crusher, triggering Dragon's Breath giving it haste.

It's not a T1 win whereby lethal damage is done but it's put an opponent on a continuous uphill battle.

March 27, 2017 9:37 p.m.

LCJ38 says... #9

Ahhhhh. OK. Thanks, I just didn't understand how 8 damage could win; its more of a metaphorical win. :)

March 28, 2017 11:59 a.m.

n0bunga says... #10

Hahah yes. Metaphorically, a concede is on its way when you're forced to sacrifice 2 permanents before blockers are declared. :p

Thank you very much for the +1!

March 29, 2017 3:59 p.m.

LCJ38 says... #11

No problem. :)

March 30, 2017 11:38 a.m.

n0bunga says... #12

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I thought this deck was on it's way to being erased, but it looks like the T/O community here in Mainframe like the idea of being served slow food, fast!

Sprites like this one erase every nanoclick; their only help is a fast dish of slow food. Help out the Sprites in Mainframe.

+1 goes a long way.

March 31, 2017 9:22 a.m.

Tiadon777 says... #13

Reboot, and a fun deck?! +1

March 31, 2017 9:12 p.m.

CommanderNeyo says... #14

I really like this... Now I want to play Pauper with mah friends... Out of curiosity, how often does this actually get pulled off turn one?

April 1, 2017 1:05 a.m.

n0bunga says... #15

CommanderNeyo I would absolutely encourage it's a wonderful way to get engaged in MTG without breaking your bank!

As for consistency I would say there is roughly a 75% chance this can. Keep in mind this can be an aggressive mulligan deck to get what you need.

April 1, 2017 10:28 a.m.

imbenjones says... #16

this is disgusting, your pauper deck shouldn't cost > $120. Also, does lotus petal count as pauper still?

April 2, 2017 11:25 p.m.

n0bunga says... #17

imbenjones yep, so long as it was printed as common it is valid.

April 3, 2017 7:05 a.m.

n0bunga says... #18

imbenjones and yeah typically a pauper deck can be built at the cost of a movie ticket in most cases. It's only because of certain cards that are common that see play everywhere else like Simian Spirit, Street Wraith and Lotus Petal that drive the price of this.

The cost is high for being served slow food, fast. But Al's Wait and Eat strives at being the best in Slow Food.

April 3, 2017 9:34 a.m.

n0bunga says... #19

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Wow! This deck climbed to #2! Thank you all, to everyone who got a kick out of this. We'll continue to serve only the slowest food, as fast as possible.

April 3, 2017 12:16 p.m.

n0bunga says... #20

UpsetYoMama I hadn't noticed at the time you posted this, but Empty the Warrens is actually on Pauper's ban list. At least on MTG's website.

April 26, 2017 11:17 a.m.

UpsetYoMama says... #21

n0bunga That makes sense, I guess it would be just too powerful.

April 26, 2017 5:22 p.m.

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Compare to inventory
Date added 7 months
Last updated 3 months

This deck is Pauper legal.

Cards 60
Avg. CMC 2.98
Folders Strange Decks, Pauper, Dank Memes, nice, Pauper, Pauper, other pauper, pauper deks, other peoples great lists/decks, Pauper
Top rank #1 on 2017-04-03
Views 2944

Revision 4 (3 months ago)

+1 Striped Riverwinder main
-1 Hapless Researcher main

See all