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How to Lose Friends and Irritate People

Standard Control UBR (Grixis)

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Hail Bolas!

I changed the name of this deck after playing it at FNM because I have found that a lot of people losing to it are a little salty when the game is done. Being a really heavy control deck, if the deck is running properly, the opponent spends the game feeling impotent until you deliver two or three hits for the kill.

The number of cards may look odd at first, but I like a lot of ways to do similar things and draw into solutions rather than relying on the expected pull of a four drop. I will explain this concept a bit more when talking about the individual cards.

Nicol Bolas, God-Pharaoh Is an obvious heavy hitter that is hard to kill without some dedicated hate. Bringing seven damage strait to the opponent's face can easily be part of a one/two kill. In addition, all his other abilities are great grinding abilities that can help win over time if you can't scrape up 13 damage somewhere else.

Chandra, Torch of Defiance likes to grind and likes to ramp much more than what many people think of Chandra. Her first two abilities enable card draw and extra mana, both of which are important to control. But she is in the assassins crew because her ultimate ability, which can happen very fast when you can shut down everything your opponents want to do, is a one card win condition. Also her draw ability can often result in the leftover damage needed to finish the game with one or two other hits.

Torrential Gearhulk really needs no introduction for inclusion in a control deck. He is tried and true, but in this setup I tend to like him more for the extra casting/blocking. He can get in some good damage as other decks rely on him for, but we are really looking for about two solid hits to kill, and as such I have reduced the standard 4x inclusion to just 2x.

Combustible Gearhulk Wait, we reduced the blue hulk, a control legend and included a red? While this card lacks flash, which we love, it can do two other really great things: Better card advantage or nova damage upon entry. Your opponent is really forced to give you a free Ancestral Recall because otherwise it has an excellent chance of dealing one of two hits that we need to win on entry. Technically, it can kill on entry with two Commit / Memory and nothing else; it doesn't happen often, but the damage potential resting in this deck makes taking damage more of gamble than many opponents are willing to take.

The Scarab God is more of a grind enabler. He is hard to kill, he lets us filter our draws, but his ability to single-handedly amass an army earns him a spot amongst the killers.

Torment of Hailfire can be a full 21 damage to an opponents face around turn 9 (or 7 with Chandra) but in all likelihood making part of a one-two punch is more realistic. The fact this card is unwanted early game, coupled with all the draw we have, is why I have reduced it to 1 in the deck.

Ribbons is like a mini Torment but it is much more welcome early game. Late game I have found myself cutting my own guys a few times to then immediately cast Ribbons for the win. Easily part of a one-two punch.

Censor While this card gets a lot of acclaim as a great cantrip, there is a lot I want this deck to do. The inclusion of 1 not only gives you the benifits of that card, it gives you the much greater benifit of causing your opponent to play around it. Simply knowing some number of this card is in your deck will mean that many opponents will sit on an important spell rather than use all their mana to cast it. "I see you aren't playing on curve, thanks for slowing down for me and giving me a heads up I need to prioritize my counterspells."

Commit / Memory was mentioned earlier as a brutal partner and draw incentive for Combustible Gearhulk. It also pulls double duty as a counterspell...and triple duty as a removal. Sure they will eventually see the spell again, but you get two more rounds to find a solution, which is pretty decent for this deck, and it most importantly does not give your opponent cards advantage as is seen with most bounce spells. This card does so many different things for us, a final one being able to tell Mill decks "You lose." Annnnd I just learned of another fun interaction. Torrential Gearhulk can grab Memory at instant speed.

Disallow Cast a spell? Nope. Get an eldrazi trigger? Nope. Use a creature's utility? Nope. Ultimate a Planes Walker? Nope. You don't like it, they don't do it.

Supreme Will is a solid counterspell or a super cycle. Find the solutions you need when you need them, allowing you to run more varied options that keep your opponent guessing. I can't count how many times I have heard an opponent say "I don't have anything in this deck to stop that one card." This card let's you run a lot more things that are potentially, "that one card" they weren't prepared for.

Abrade artifacts and smaller creatures beware. I could easily see more of this in the deck if you see a lot of its targets in the meta.

Commit / Memory is as far as I am concerned a kill spell. It makes a card disappear and unlike traditional bounce they don't get card advantage. As a bonus, you know what threats you need to concern yourself with two rounds later and how you want to draw/counter. See the denail section for more details on its versatility in this deck.

Harnessed Lightning Can buy time early on or take care of a big creature late in the game.

Magma Spray Buys time early on or can team up with other destruction to get rid of some pesky recursion or the bug gods.

Bontu's Last Reckoning Is a psuedo cheap wrath effect. It is needed for oppponents who dump everything into putting a lot of weannies on the board at one time. Because it has a delayed mana cost, I like to cast it on the cheap as much as possible. Brain in the Jar helps to get in into play on your opponent's turn for 1 mana.

Cut is great creature removal that turns into an assassin.

Dark Intimations I plan to test this one in the deck. It does a lot of different things we want and really belongs in several categories. I will update as I learn how it plays.

Hour of Devastation is possibly the best wrath available right now. Wreck the planeswalkers and the creatures in one card.

Sweltering Suns Burn all the peons or draw a card; solid options.

Brain in a Jar I am aware this card is considered a junk rare, but casting cheaper, turning sorceries to instants, and providing card selection seems solid to me. Yeah your first two mana gets you nothing, but this is a grindy deck, and this card promotes good grind.

Glimmer of Genius Accept no substitutes. Instant card advantage that can draw four deep to find solutions while fueling Aether Hubs and Harnessed Lightning. Always a welcome target for torrental gearhulk.

Pull from Tomorrow Refill your hand in an instant. The fact this card, as well and this deck, is mana intensive, prevents more copies from making it into the deck.

By Force brings Shatterstorm to all those pansies on Kaladesh.

Chandra's Defeat is very efficient removal for any red creatures or walkers.

Doomfall is nice for control matches or hard to kill creatures.

Hour of Glory for better targeting hard to kill creatures.

Jace's Defeat for control matches.

Liliana's Defeat is undercosted removal vs black.

Negate for control or artifact battles.

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Date added 6 years
Last updated 3 years
Legality

This deck is not Standard legal.

Rarity (main - side)

7 - 0 Mythic Rares

26 - 1 Rares

15 - 11 Uncommons

3 - 3 Commons

Cards 60
Avg. CMC 3.83
Tokens Copy Clone, Emblem Chandra, Torch of Defiance
Folders interesting decks, Standard - control - HOU, standard, Try me!, nice deck, Standard Decks, Standard 'n stuff
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