Concept
This is a mono-red control deck that attempts to stay under your opponent's radar using politics and careful play while assembling a dominant board state and eventually taking over the game.
Why Diaochan?
Diaochan certainly isn't winning any awards for her awesomeness. Her ability only works at portal speed, and she's packing a measly 1/1 for a body. What she lacks in power she more than makes up for in style. Her ability enables a fairly interactive game, and with the right set up can be structured so that it doesn't even affect your creatures at all.
Alternative Generals
Urabrask the Hidden: Urabrask is a solid option for mono-red control. His abilities slow down your opponents creatures while giving yours haste, allowing you to sneak in some damage. While this effect is powerful enough to warrant his inclusion as part of the 99, he's a little less powerful from the command zone when everyone can see him coming.
Godo, Bandit Warlord: Another classic mono-red general that has a unique effect. Most Godo decks tend to want to accelerate him out, suit him up with a powerful equipment or two, and destroy everyone's lands. That game plan is a little more aggressive than I would like, and it carries the stigma of mass land destruction.
Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker: Kiki-Jiki is a combo machine. Pair him with Zealous Conscripts or Lightning Crafter and go infinite, or simply wring value out of every creature you play. Combo decks tend to play out very similarly every game, which is not something I enjoy.
Jaya Ballard, Task Mage: Jaya is another interesting option for mono-red control. Rather than providing the same targeted creature removal that we get from Diaochan, Jaya just kills everything equally. While there is often a lot of overlap between this list and the typical Jaya list, their play style is fundamentally different.
Starke of Rath: Starke is sort of like Diaochan without the timing restriction. In exchange, you get the ability to destroy an artifact if you choose. You also have to give him away. While this can be fun, it makes subsequent uses of his ability somewhat difficult to predict or control, which is often not in the best interests of a control deck.
Strategy
The general strategy behind this list is to piece together a dominant yet innocuous looking board state and eventually take over the game.
The first step along that path is to play politics using Diaochan's ability strategically. This is as simple as activating her to bump off the best creature currently on the board, and then choosing a player who is most likely to see eye-to-eye with you as to what the 2nd best creature is and kill that off too. Sometimes the best creature in play is one of yours, which is where effects that grant shroud and protection from red come in to play.
It's important to note that hexproof doesn't have any effect in this list. Since we control Diaochan, we also control her ability, even though it's an opponent who is choosing what is targeted. Accordingly, something we control with hexproof is a valid target and it will die when the ability resolves.
Once Diaochan is doing her thing, you need to start evaluating your threat level relative to your opponents. The goal is to seem less threatening than someone else whenever possible. This may mean passing the turn instead of casting an Inferno Titan, or choosing not to activate Diaochan even though there's something worth killing. Good threat assessment is imperative when playing this deck.
Actually winning the game can happen in a few different ways depending on what you draw and how the game plays out. The easiest by far is resolving an Insurrection. You can also equip a dragon with a sword and start attacking, abuse Godo, Bandit Warlord's extra combat effect, go after greedy card drawers with Vicious Shadows, make a couple copies of Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle, or ride Feldon of the Third Path and Mimic Vat to victory.
Individual Card Choices (by Type)
Creatures
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Anger: A nice haste outlet that doesn't mind chump blocking every once in a while.
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Combustible Gearhulk: This card is somewhat interesting. Many players will just take the damage, but every so often you get the cards. The biggest thing it has going for it though is that it's an artifact, which means there's plenty of ways to reuse it, or turn it into something else. Plus, a 6/6 first striking body isn't the worst thing in the world.
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Dualcaster Mage: Copying spells is a great way to gain some advantage. This is a fork with a body attached, allowing you to use Feldon of the Third Path or Mimic Vat to rebuy it later on, or simply as a chump blocker.
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Feldon of the Third Path: A value engine, plain and simple. One of the few ways mono-red has to interact with its graveyard, Feldon is particularly powerful with cards like Wurmcoil Engine. It's also worth mentioning that Feldon creates tokens that are artifacts, which is relevant if you have a Goblin Welder in play.
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Flametongue Kavu: Removal on a body that doesn't mind dying to Diaochan or being used again with Feldon.
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Goblin Welder: An extremely powerful card that enables many interactions. You can cycle through your artifacts to gain some value. You can trade Feldon tokens for a permanent before they're exiled. You can even mess around with opponent's stuff. This little guy will often draw removal, but that's OK as it's not game breaking for us if someone removes it.
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Godo, Bandit Warlord: Part equipment tutor, part win condition. Godo tends to make opponents nervous, so don't be surprised if he doesn't stick around long. Lucky for us, all we really wanted was the equipment.
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Hoarding Dragon: Another tutor effect that also synergizes well with Diaochan. Use her ability to kill the dragon and get an opponent's creature and an artifact from your deck as a bonus. Hoarding Dragon also interacts favorably with Feldon and Mimic Vat as an evasive attacker or blocker that nets you an artifact for your trouble.
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Inferno Titan: One of the better red beaters that has been printed to date. The three damage is surprisingly relevant, and he often presents a real problem for opponents.
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Karn, Silver Golem: Karn does two things in this deck. First, he blocks like a champ, and occasionally gets in for 4 damage. Second, and more importantly, he turns late game mana rocks and artifacts into creatures that dodge sorcery speed removal and give you a formidable army out of nowhere. There's also some tricky things you can get up to with Karn, like animating artifacts in response to a board wipe, or turning equipment into a creature so that it falls off of whatever was holding it.
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Mana-Charged Dragon: This may not be the best 6 mana dragon red has to offer, but it's certainly one of the most fun. Attack the biggest threat at the table with it and your other opponents might even help you pump him up.
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Silent Arbiter: Token swarms and hordes of creatures are the bane of this deck. We're only really attacking with one creature most of the time anyway, so this effect doesn't bother us at all. Plus, this guy has the added bonus of being an artifact, so getting rid of him with Goblin Welder or Trading Post when it's time to go on the offensive is easy. You can also always just target him with Diaochan, too.
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Solemn Simulacrum: Value engine, plain and simple. Great with Goblin Welder, Feldon, and Mimic Vat, too.
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Spawn of Thraxes: A 7 mana 5/5 flyer that often does at least 7 points of damage to an opponent or a particularly troublesome creature. What's not to love?
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Steel Hellkite: Destroyer of token swarms, much needed enchantment removal, and all around good guy.
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Urabrask the Hidden: While the haste effect isn't often all that relevant, making your opponents creatures come into play tapped definitely is. This hinders a surprising number of creature based combos, and also gives you time to use Diaochan to deal with something particularly scary.
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Wurmcoil Engine: Another value engine. He gains life, generally always at least trades in combat, and leaves behind two creatures when he dies. Particularly disgusting with Feldon, Goblin Welder, and Mimic Vat, too.
Instants
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Chaos Warp: Easily the best red removal spell ever printed (for this format anyway). You can even use it on something you own if you're really desperate for an upgrade, or to prevent a key card from being exiled.
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Comet Storm: Instant speed removal that doubles as a way to get those last few points of damage through.
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Commune with Lava: A powerhouse of a card. I usually resolve this for X=4 and very rarely have to leave anything other than land in exile. It's as close as we'll ever get to Opportunity, and that's perfectly OK.
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Pyroblast: A counterspell in mono-red that also can get rid of a troublesome blue permanent? All for one red mana, and at instant speed? Sign me up! It's worth noting that due to the way this is phrased, it doesn't have to target something that is actually blue, which can be useful in corner cases like where a Phantasmal Image has copied something you'd like gone.
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Reverberate: A jack of all trades. Sometimes it's a counterspell, sometimes it's removal, and sometimes it's Fact or Fiction.
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Scour from Existence: A gift from the Eldrazi themselves. Most often used as enchantment removal, but the flexibility is certainly welcome.
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Volcanic Offering: This card is a 4 for 1 nearly every time it's cast. A powerhouse to be sure.
Sorcery
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All Is Dust: Sometimes you need to blow up the world and hang on to all of your artifacts.
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Blasphemous Act: Probably the best red mass removal effect. 13 damage to all creatures for one red mana is a good deal.
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Faithless Looting: The red Ponder. It's great for fixing a mediocre draw, or simply getting rid of some less useful cards for hopefully better ones. Being able to do it again later is just gravy.
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Fiery Confluence: Three relevant modes for a reasonable price. Note that this card got a little worse with the "great damage update" since you can no longer point the player damage at opposing planeswalkers.
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Gamble: Unconditional tutor effects are good, especially when they only cost one mana.
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Insurrection: I'm not sure what I can say about this card that hasn't already been said somewhere else. It will straight up win you the game.
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Mizzium Mortars: A nice mid-game mass removal spell that doubles as a great way to answer a token swarm.
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Rolling Earthquake: More mass removal that doubles as a way to sneak those last few points of damage through.
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Vandalblast: An X for one that can really ruin someone's day.
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Wild Guess: While this card seems somewhat weak, it's actually very useful. Discarding a late game mana rock or land in exchange for two fresh cards is not something red has much access to. Tormenting Voice is equally good (or possibly even technically better due to the easier mana cost) in this slot, I just prefer the art on Wild Guess.
Artifacts
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Crucible of Worlds: Another powerhouse card. It allows you to freely discard lands, lets you gain incremental advantage using fetchlands, rebuys effects like Strip Mine, and allows Goblin Welder to abuse Great Furnace for artifact shenanigans.
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Darksteel Plate: Protection for Diaochan or one of your creatures that's difficult for your opponent's to remove.
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Everflowing Chalice: Cheap mana acceleration is never a bad thing. As a bonus, it scales up in the mid to late game. Easily replaced by Mana Crypt if you have access to one.
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Expedition Map: A way to search up a utility land.
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Lightning Greaves: More protection from Diaochan that also has the additional benefit of granting haste.
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Mimic Vat: One of the engine cards in the deck. Use it with your own creature, or borrow something you just killed with Diaochan.
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Mind Stone: Early mana acceleration that turns into something else when it's no longer needed.
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Mind's Eye: Powerful card draw at a reasonable price.
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Mirage Mirror: This card is great. It enables weird interactions, copies a guy for some sort of combat trigger, becomes a useful enchantment...the possibilities are endless. It's also whatever the biggest blocker on the board is on every turn but your own, neatly dodging Diaochan.
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Skullclamp: More powerful card draw, especially when coupled with Kher Keep and/or Trading Post.
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Smuggler's Copter: Smuggler's Copter has a lot going for it. It's something to do with Diaochan when you don't have protection or there's nothing worth killing. It's a looting effect in a color without much access to it. It dodges Diaochan's ability without any additional effort on our part, and also dodges Wrath of God effects. Finally, it's an artifact for potentially enabling Goblin Welder/Trading Post shenanigans.
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Sol Ring: A format staple and with good reason.
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Spine of Ish Sah: Unconditional removal that keeps coming back. Particularly excellent with Goblin Welder, and a 7/7 beater with Karn, Silver Golem in play.
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Sword of Fire and Ice: Protection from Diaochan that also grants an excellent ability to an attacking creature.
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Sword of War and Peace: More protection from Diaochan. While this is not as powerful as Sword of Fire and Ice, it can still do quite a bit of damage to greedy card drawers.
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Thaumatic Compass: Maze of Ith is near the top of my "most searched for" lands list, so a pseudo-ramp artifact that turns into a second Maze of Ith in the mid-to-late game is a welcome addition. Note that you don't actually have to search for a land to trigger the transformation, so you can play this with 7 or more lands in play and flip it into an untapped Maze of Ith analog on the same turn.
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Tormod's Crypt: Running graveyard hate is important for any EDH deck. Tormod's Crypt costs 0 mana, and leaves our graveyard alone.
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Trading Post: A swiss army knife with lots of useful effects. Each mode is potentially useful, and it gives us a lot of options.
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Unstable Obelisk: Early acceleration and late game unconditional removal.
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Whispersilk Cloak: Protection from Diaochan with an added bonus.
Enchantments
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Goblin Bombardment: This card does so much! Sacrifice things wearing a Skullclamp. Punish the guy who just cast Wrath of God. Protect your creatures from a Control Magic. Get extra triggers with Vicious Shadows. Sacrifice everything you just stole with Insurrection. Wring a little extra value out of Feldon tokens. Get rid of something Zedruu gave you. The list goes on and on.
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Outpost Siege: The closest red will ever get to Phyrexian Arena. Cast this, name "khans", and thank me later.
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Stolen Strategy: Currently in testing.
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Stranglehold: A necessary evil for dealing with greedy blue and black mages. Note that the anti-tutor effect is asymmetrical, so all of our tutors are still live.
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Vicious Shadows: Another powerhouse win condition. This typically has two effects: killing your opponents, or forcing them to overextend into mass removal as they try to empty their hand. You should only cast this when you're ready to win, though. It'll paint a big target on you.
Planeswalkers
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Chandra, Torch of Defiance: This particular iteration of Chandra has been a welcome addition to the deck. None of her abilities are particularly game breaking, but they're all potentially useful.
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Koth of the Hammer: Koth is the winner of the "most often ignored until it's too late" award in this deck. His abilities aren't too flashy, and if you're not attacking with the 4/4 mountain sometimes folks don't even notice. I've been able to get his emblem on several occasions with zero disruption from my opponents, and winning from there is somewhat trivial.
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Ugin, the Spirit Dragon: Most often cast as an 8 mana All is Dust, Ugin sometimes sticks around to really screw with opponents. This card is not to be underestimated.
Lands
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Arcane Lighthouse: Our opponents thought that shroud and hexproof would protect them from Diaochan. They were wrong.
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Arch of Orazca: A source of mid-to-late game card draw, and something to do with extra mana held up for instants or activated abilities that didn't end up needing to be used during the turn cycle.
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Arid Mesa: Fetchlands allow this list to gain incremental advantage with Crucible of Worlds by making sure you hit land drops every turn. They also let you "save" Valakut triggers for later.
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Bloodstained Mire: See Arid Mesa.
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Buried Ruin: A pseudo-Goblin Welder that interacts well with Crucible of Worlds.
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Flamekin Village: A haste enabler that also taps for red mana is definitely welcome.
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Forgotten Cave: A mountain that turns into a card when you're flooded.
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Great Furnace: A mountain that's also an artifact. Particularly useful with Goblin Welder and Crucible of Worlds.
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Inventors' Fair: A land with incidental life gain and a bonus tutoring effect for artifacts? Sign me up! Works well with Crucible of Worlds, too.
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Kher Keep: This pumps out fodder for Skullclamp and chump blockers when needed. It also acts as protection from sacrifice effects like Grave Pact and Smokestack.
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Maze of Ith: More spell than land, Maze of Ith keeps that big beater at bay for a while.
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Myriad Landscape: A 2 for 1 fetch land.
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Scalding Tarn: See Arid Mesa.
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Strip Mine: Destroyer of problematic lands since Alpha. It's tempting to go after basics with this, but more often than not it's not worth it.
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Thespian's Stage: Most often a second copy of Valakut, but also useful as a copy of something cool your opponent might have.
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Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle: Mid to late game mountains are also lightning bolts. A very useful effect.
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Wooded Foothills: See Arid Mesa.
Notable Exclusions
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Swiftfoot Boots: As I mentioned above, hexproof doesn't protect our creatures from Diaochan's ability, so this would be a wasted slot.
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Genju of the Spires: Often run in Diaochan decks as a creature that dodges her ability, a 6/1 body is not particularly impactful. This is especially true in a more control oriented list where we're not often on the offensive.
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Akroma's Memorial: While this would be useful as it gives all of our creatures protection from red, it's mostly a "win-more" card. All of the keyword buffs are really only useful in a situation where you have a few creatures and are attacking, which in this list is when we're already winning. Similarly, mass protection from red is only really good when we have more creatures than we can protect with equipment, which is also near the end of the game when we're already winning. In either situation, activating Diaochan isn't our first priority, so the protection bonus wouldn't really be used.
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Wheel of Fortune/Reforge the Soul/Memory Jar: Wheel effects are often considered staples in mono-red decks due to red's limited ability to draw cards. Unfortunately, this deck isn't set up to take advantage of them. First, you're drawing 7 cards to your "opponent's" 21. This is a huge disadvantage for a control deck that can't really interact on the stack and already has trouble getting card advantage. Second, we don't really have a way to abuse this type of effect. There's no infinite combo to dig for, there's no library manipulation to ensure our 7 is better than the others, and there's no way to repeat the effect until it is. I cut these long ago, and I've never looked back.
