It's not a bad start. I would highly suggest cutting your mainboard to 60 as well as increasing the card count on cards you want to see every game to 4. Gatekeeper of Malakir and Feast of Blood, for instance, should be 4-ofs, cutting unnecessary cards like Banshee's Blade, Shield of the Avatar, and other cards that are simply win-mores (meaning you'd win without them, and they don't help you when you're behind).

Also, Bloodline Keeper  ^Flip.

You definitely have a good start here. I'm going to second buildingadeck's advice, you really don't want more than 60 cards and the more copies of your main players the better. It's very hard to stick with that rule when you first start building decks, I know. To decide which ones have to go, look at the casting cost compared to what it does for you snd how many other cards you have that do the same thing better. Looking through these, I suggest considering the following for removal: Banshee's Blade, Shield of the Avatar, Mark of the Vampire, Balustrade Spy, Falkenrath Noble, Markov Patrician, Murder While that Bloodline Keeper suggestion is super sexy, you can also do more with the cards you already have. Consider replacing Chosen of Markov  ^Flip with Butcher of Malakir, Feast on the Fallen with Vampiric Link, Urge to Feed with Dark Ritual. Either get at least one more Chariot of Victory or consider cutting it. Others that are worth investing in more copies: Gatekeeper of Malakir, Kalastria Highborn, Quag Vampires These could replace Shadow Alley Denizen and Vampire Interloper.

I've made some changes and worked in some cards I had purchased before posting this, does it look better or do I need to rethink this change?

I do agree on needing more of Gatekeeper of Malakir, but can't say I want to take out Feast on the Fallen I have had really good results with it. Quag Vampires is on my list of needed cards, as is Kalastria Highborn. After looking at my artifact cards I did decide that all three just weren't as good as some of the enchantments I owned and removed those, adding in the Fleetfeather Sandals. This is more for the kind of decks I face, they have no defense for it and I have cards that benefit from direct damage to a player, and the haste it useful. Considering the tokken decks I play I've seriously been considering Crawlspace and Killing Wave for my deck, just to help with crowd control. Whip of Erebos and Sanguine Bond are cards I'm seriously considering.

In my opinion your changes look like they'll definitely be effective until you get around to picking up more copies of the staples for your concept. Good call on the artifacts.

Good cards for combos are Blade of the Bloodchief and Blood Artist.

You may want to play each card in your deck at least twice to improve the consistency. You also should look to cut maybe some of the high cost things to make it a bit faster.

I see no honest reason not to run Guul Draz Vampire as it is a 3/2 for 1, or a 1/1 for 1. generally though, they'll be lower on hitpoints unless they are lifegain.

I suggest you re-set the card format to "Type." Changing it to "Subtype" just makes it harder for people to give you good feeback.