Description

You sit down to play a relaxing game of Magic: the Gathering. Maybe it's with good friends you've been playing with for years around the kitchen table, maybe it's with a new playgroup that you don't know very well. You pull out your recently-concocted R/B Commander deck and start shuffling up, and all the players begin to eye each other's choice of General.

Inevitably, some douchebag remarks "Barktooth Warbeard? Never even heard of this. Was he from Legends? What is he, a vanilla something/something that's way overcosted?"
"Y-yeah," you respond while shifting in your seat awkwardly, "but, I think he's kinda cool..."

The game begins. You have a slow start. There's no ramp in your R/B deck, and not many utility creatures, so there's not much to do in the first couple turns. At some point, you Murder some other player's mana dork. He frowns a bit, clearly upset, not only that his creature was killed, but also that it was such a mediocre card that threw a wrench into his plans.

"Y'know, spot removal's not very good in EDH. You should consider some changes."
You turn your gaze downward, embarrassed."Haha, yeah, I've got some work to do."

You get steamrolled after killing a few more dudes. That's fine. You knew it was going to happen. People start gathering their things, but the night's still early; "Game two?", somebody offers. "Sounds good!"

But this time, things are different.
This time, 'ol Warbeard is sitting out.
This time, your general is MOGIS, GOD OF FUCKING SLAUGHTER

Turn 4, he hits the field, people are stunned.

"Oh, you changed Generals?" "Same deck or what?"

You don't respond.
You stare, unblinking, into your opponent's eyes as you nonverbally indicate that your turn is over.
The next guy up takes 2 damage.
"I guess I'll go to 38."

IT HAS FUCKING BEGUN

"Llanowar Elves?"
FUCKING DOOM BLADE

"Phyrexian Obliterator?"
TERMINATE, ASSHAT

"Darksteel Colossus?"
EAT SHIT; GILD

CREATURES DROPPING LEFT AND RIGHT
THE BATTLEFIELD IS A SEA OF BLOOD
TORN SCRAPS OF CARDBOARD FILL YOUR VISION AS YOU HOWL TO THE HEAVENS

IT KEEPS HAPPENING
THERE ARE NO CREATURES LEFT

THE OTHER PLAYERS TRY TO LEAVE, BUT THE DOOR WON'T OPEN

YOU HAVE NO WINCON; THE TURNS ARE RACKING UP
YOU ARE THE HUNTER

THE RIDE NEVER ENDS

BEWARE THE FUCKING WARBEARD

Comments View Archive

omfg this is the best description ever i love it.

March 23, 2016 1:54 a.m.

10/10 description. Best I have ever read.

March 27, 2016 10:13 a.m.

Thanks guys!

March 27, 2016 10:15 a.m.

phazing says... #4

I am in love

March 27, 2016 11:18 a.m.

This deck works especially well for kids

June 14, 2016 5:22 p.m.

Optimator says... #6

I love it! +1

June 27, 2016 4:02 p.m.

crawler3 says... #7

10/10, would eat WarBread again.

March 11, 2017 3:31 a.m.

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Compare to inventory
Date added 5 years
Last updated 1 year
Legality

This deck is Commander / EDH legal.

Cards 100
Avg. CMC 4.60
Tokens */* Generic, 1/1 Spirit, 1/1 Elemental, 2/2 Vampire
Folders thatpunSUCKED, Decks I play, bootylicious, Ideas, Cool decks i've seen, Craz
Top rank #73 on 2014-08-17
Views 5965

Revision 8 (1 year ago)

+1 Arcane Lighthouse maybe
+1 Kiku, Night's Flower maybe
+1 In Garruk's Wake maybe
+1 Drana, Kalastria Bloodchief maybe

See all