KrazyCaley & Miinor_Threat Present: The Top 10 Burn and Counter Spells - Part I - Counters

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KrazyCaley

6 December 2011

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KrazyCaley says: "We live in a complicated age. The EU is facing a financial crisis, Iran's nuclear program is causing tension, and here in the U.S., we are questioning the ideals that lay at the very heart of our democracy. Fortunately, Dave and I are here once again to conduct a serious, reasoned debate about one of the most critical issues of all - Which Magic cards we think are cool."

miinor_threat says: ""OCCUPY RAVNICA. For too long, 1% of of Magic players (Vintage players) have controlled 99% of the Power Nine. The EDH rules commission and the WOTC have done NOTHING to redistribute the wealth. They slap down lotuses while we play pauper EDH. The time is now. Yes we can (play legacy)."

KrazyCaley says: "We wanted to do a top 10 list, but we couldn't agree about what. Dave wanted to do one about burn spells, but I justly said that that was a stupid idea that a stupid person would think of, stupidly. I instead suggested that we do the top 10 counterspells, but he just kept shouting "SIT IN YOUR TOWER" and letting lit matches burn all the way down to his fingertips. So we compromised and did both."

Top Ten Counterspells

Disqualified - Mana Drain

KrazyCaley says: "Mana Drain does not even count. I refuse to deal in this level of overpoweredness. You can say it's the best counterspell ever all you want. I am telling you, what are you even going to do with all that mana? You are almost certainly playing draw-go. That mana is going to waste. There are novice mages in Tolaria who would really appreciate that mana."

miinor_threat says: "This doesn't really exist. It's like Godfather III, it's been disavowed. This card, like Ancestral Recall, is a holdover from those heady days when Richard Garfield would barricade himself in his room and do benzedrine and huff Warhammer glue, oblivious to the power of cards and mana."

Dishonorable Mention - Cancel

KrazyCaley says: "YOU BASTARDS. YOU REALLY DID IT. YOU BLEW IT ALL UP. GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL......................................I....I have no words. Dave, say something."

miinor_threat says: "This counterspell is the definition of "Meh." I kind of get a bad taste in my mouth when I have to run it in limited. I feel like every 1UU counterspell they print is an apology for it (lookin' at you Hinder, Faerie Trickery, Stoic Rebuttal, and Dissipate ).

Honorable Mention - Pact of Negation

KrazyCaley says: President Obama mentioned this card during the last State of the Union when he was talking about the economy. 'The economy is affecting hard-working Americans all over the country. Americans like Pact of Negation. Pact is a Future Sight card that has been, all around, a decent, hard-working blue card. The art is solid, the flavor text is cool, and the actual card itself is pretty good. It's no Force of Will, but it is a good worker who believes in the American dream and has never given up on itself. I salute you, Pact.'"

miinor_threat says: "Whatever. There is no commodity that trades well at a price of zero mana."

KrazyCaley says: "Red players need to stop just denouncing counterspells and blocking progress and work with Blue on a bicolor basis for solutions that help all Americans."

miinor_threat says: ""I want to reach across the color-aisle as much as the next guy, but zero cost counterspells are just as bad as zero cost burn spells and Pact of the Titan aint exactly 3 damage to the face. You copped out Wizards. No commodity trades well at a price of zero mana, you shouldn't have printed the counter..."

Honorable Mention - Last Word

KrazyCaley says: "::black and white; frustrated Magic players fretting over stacks of cards::

Are you tired of worrying about your counterspells being countered themselves? Are you SICK of long stacks full of complicated counterspell interactions just to determine whether or not some stupid Hurloon Minotaur enters the battlefield? Well worry no more!

::now in color, happy looking Magic players laughing and playing::

Now, with Last Word, you don't need to worry about complicated messes! Just cast and forget! Last Word is guaranteed to resolve*, leaving you feeling easy and free during your next game of Magic: The Gathering(tm). Try Last Word today!

*Efficacy against Mindbreak Trap not guaranteed."

miinor_threat says: "This card reminds me of a guy who used to run it. His name was Edmund and he ran a mono blue ALL COUNTERSPELL deck that had a single Faerie Conclave as its win condition. Mainboarding Last Word is like carrying Anti-Bear Spray everywhere you go. Most of the time is is a waste, but HOLY-SH** are you glad you have it if there is a bear."

10 - Voidslime

KrazyCaley says: "Not only is Voidslime incredibly cool as a card, it is an awesome concept, flavor-wise. It is slime that counters spells and activated abilities, somehow. How do they do that, and can I buy a bottle of it? A fine, 1971 Chateau Beleren bottle of 120-proof counter slime?"

miinor_threat says: ""I've countered some cool stuff with this slime, fetch-lands, Rafiq's double strike trigger, Planeswalker ultimates, the win-the-game trigger from Felidar Sovereign, Cheeto dust getting on my fingers, Mindslaver activations, IRS audits, Valakut, etc. I even Voidslimed my girlfriend when she tried to break up with me. YEAH RIGHT BI*** I NEVER SCOOP!!"

9 - Force Spike

KrazyCaley says: "I love Force Spike so much because it lets me plausibly tap all my lands but one and leave room for doubt in my opponent's mind. Not only is it a flat-out winner in the early game, it is superb psychological warfare. If you play against some of my decks too much, you'll end up seeing Force Spikes everywhere you look and leave 4 mana open before you cast something in case I have 4x of them."

miinor_threat says: "I hate this spell. It is such a bubble-burster, At first it seems Charles Barkley-style "turrible," but then it becomes a quick and lasting lesson in how often you tap out. It is good against good players, because they use their mana efficiently and frequently use most or all of it. Stupid Force Spike."

8 - Hinder

KrazyCaley says: "Ok, yes, this is good for EDH and anything you don't want to go to the graveyard. But let's be honest. The real reason that Hinder is so good is Tunnel Vision, assuming that there are no other copies of whatever you're countering in their deck. Goddamn it, Tunnel Vision. I hate you so much."

miinor_threat says: "As an EDH veteran, I have seen my share of this card from both sides of the cardboard. Great spell, capable of interesting tricks, sets up a few combos, and can tuck annoying commanders away and give you room to breathe. I love the art on the textless version of this."

KrazyCaley says: "Speaking of art, given the original art, I further propose that we all agree to refer to the casting of this spell as 'doing pot.'"

7 - Forbid

KrazyCaley says: "In addition to being a buybackable counterspell, Forbid's art is sweet. The pose of the guy makes it look like he is DUNKING on that spell. That spell got POSTERIZED to the MAX. And you know what else I appreciate about this card? The name. It knows it's a goddamn counterspell and it has a name to match. FORBID, damn it! Not Cancel. "Cancel" is so passive-aggressive. It's like you're calling spell customer service. "Hello, I'd like to cast Fireball?" "Oh, I'm sorry sir, Fireball has been cancelled." This versus "Hello, I'd like to cast Fireball?" "FIREBALL IS FORBIIIDDEEENNNNNNNNN!"

miinor_threat says: "No, no, no. He doesn't look like he's dunking, he's clearly a backup dancer from an early 90's hip-hop video. He knows he's a fly mama-jamma, which is why he gets to counter a spell while setting up all kinds of madness, dredge, and re-animator shenanigans, AND THEN GETTING TO DO IT AGAIN, FOREVER. That's gangsta..."

6 - Negate

miinor_threat: "This is my personal favorite counterspell. I have run more copies of it in more decks than any other blue instant. There is never a time you don't want to have a copy of it in your hand and it is really easy to cast. There are a million and one ways to answer creatures once down, but there are many blockbuster non-creature spells that are really hard to recover from once they resolve. I gotta give it up to this dependable, balanced, workhorse of a counterspell."

KrazyCaley: "Typically, Dave's favorite counterspell is not among my favorites. I make only reluctant use of counterspells that only counter a particular KIND of spell. Even between Remove Soul / Essence Scatter and Negate, I like the creature-stoppers better. Probably because I hate creatures so much. Fun fact: For the longest time, I thought that the guy casting the Negate was a robot. I thought his head was at about 1 o'clock on the Negate circle, the thing that is actually the shoulder guard of the merfolk or whatever that is ACTUALLY casting the spell."

5 - Rewind

KrazyCaley says: "Rewind is great for being one of the most demoralizing counterspells available. Yep, I'll counter that, aaaaaand I'll just untap. Want to try again? Or shall I just use my end of turn mana to do something ELSE horrible? Thank you for flying Monoblue Airlines."

miinor_threat says: "Ugh. I don't know who let the janitor (or their girlfriend, or whoever) design magic cards back during Urza's Saga, but these untap-your-lands spells are such stupid garbage that they feature in an outlandishly high percentage of all infinite combos if you break the pieces down by set. Quality Control was basically Homer Simpson when a refund counterspell got printed and shipped, I don't care if it does cost four.

4 - Mana Leak

miinor_threat says: ""This is another c-spell that I think is great that Caley hates. "Waaah. It isn't a hard counter for every type of spell. I might actually have to put pressure on and use it strategically. It doesn't say "UU: Counter Target Spell. sniffle" The better your opponent, the better this card gets. Good players work their way through tight mana curves and rarely leave mana lying around. This card winding up a dead draw is a severe rarity, and it, like Negate, is very easy to cast."

KrazyCaley says: "While I give this card due props for causing standard / type 2 nightmares for varying periods since 1998, I do hate it. It is definitely false that this card gets better when you play it against better players, because as we all know, better players play control decks. And in control vs. control, this card sucks. This card is like a blaster in the Star Wars universe- it's necessary to clear out the ignorant rabble, but among the cultured, learned intelligentsia, it is a commoner's weapon compared to the elegant lightsaber. Yeah, Luke uses blasters all the time in Cloud City to blow the hell out of stormtroopers. But then Vader shows up, and he slowly puts that crap AWAY, because it's time for big-boy weapons."

miinor_threat: ""Whatever dog. My aggro deck will have you at zero before your battle station is even fully operational. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good mana leak in the early game."

3 - Cryptic Command

KrazyCaley says: "Sometimes, as I sit luxuriantly on my divan, casting a faraway gaze at the feeble efforts of my opponent and swatting them down as mighty Cthulhu might casually swat a few pesky investigators, I wonder dreamily- 'What might it be like to do things that aren't countering spells?' But then I go back to countering spells. Then one day, I ran across Cryptic Command! "By Jove, old boy," I said to the other fellows in the lodge, "with THIS contraption, we might well counter spells AND do any number of other sporting diversions!" And it was so."

miinor_threat says: ""...and on the eighth day there was split second." As much as I hate agreeing with the 1% up there, Cryptic Command is a really legit card. The triple blue makes it reasonably balanced, although it is really pushing the edge of busted. At the end of the day I think it's a little TOO flexible, but man is it a great card to be on the driver's side of.

KrazyCaley says: "What do you mean by triple blue? All I see up there is a gray circle with a 4 in it."

2 - Force of Will

KrazyCaley says: "There are a lot of things going against Force of Will in my book. First of all, the art is red. No counterspell worthy of its salt should have such an abundance of that color. Second, it costs 5 to cast normally. Third, it isn't rea-- actually, that art is really holding me up. What is that guy, a tribal shaman? What in the thousand hells is going on here? This guy is supposed to be countering a spell, not summoning a goddamn Fire Elemental. I mean, it's well-crafted and all, but let's put some THOUGHT into this business. All that aside, however, it is a counterspell that you can cast for nothing but a discard and a life. And if you're drawing plenty of cards, as you ought to be, that's no drawback at all."

miinor_threat says: ""I disagree. This guy is popping a squat, and using his Force of Will to battle his constipation and/or squeezing every muscle in his body while hyperventilating and screaming. This guy does not quit just because his blood pressure is 340/225. He doesn't roll over just because countering a spell will kill him. He's got blood in his stool, stool in his blood, and a take no prisoners attitude. I like this guy. Also the spell is really really good."

1- Counterspell

KrazyCaley says: "BOW before your GOD. No impure "1" before that marvelous "UU." No other cluttering rules text. In the best editions, no cluttering flavor text either. Counter. Target. Spell. With few exceptions, Counterspell will stop any of Magic's 12,000 or so cards dead for two mana. The efficiency. The parsimony. The sheer BEAUTY. Counterspell is a perfection of the arts of man which has not been wrought before, and will not again for many eons, if ever.

Did you notice that throughout this whole article, and in referring to Magic generally, we call this whole class of spells "Counterspells?" That is because Counterspell is the progenitor, the archetype, the great lord, master, and template whence all other counterspells derive. Behold its magnificence. mortal, and tremble.

Thus, it is easy to see why the choice of Counterspell as number 1 was easy. The logic proceeds on these lines:

1- Counterspell is the best card in Magic: The Gathering.

2- "All counterspells" are a subset of "All cards in Magic: The Gathering," as shown in the following helpful diagram:

3- Therefore, Counterspell is the best counterspell.

Simple logic.

Let's compare Counterspell to the feeble entry that Dave will probably want to throw at you as the top burn spell: Lightning Bolt. Lightning Bolt is a spell that does three, I am not kidding you, three damage. Really? This is the best instant ever? Three damage? Maybe if a Darksteel Colossus comes out you can Bolt it four times to do lethal damage before realizing it's indestructible. If only there were some way to get it into the graveyard, maybe even before it hits the board, to avoid that annoying indestructibility. WAIT. I THINK I KNOW OF JUST SUCH A CARD.

Here is a list of cards that Lightning Bolt stops, but that Counterspell does not:

Great Sable Stag

Celestial Crusader

Sulfur Elemental

Root Sliver

Vexing Beetle, but only in limited circumstances.

Vexing Shusher, which of course is a staple of all decks in every format.

About a dozen or so manlands.

And now, here is a list of cards Counterspell stops that Lightning Bolt does not:

About TEN THOUSAND DIFFERENT CARDS, namely EVERY SINGLE SPELL IN THE GAME, other than the 10 or so uncounterables and creatures of less than 4 toughness, which, I have to admit, Lightning Bolt usually works just as well against, unless they have some relevant triggered or activated ability. Or shroud. Or indestructibility. Or regeneration. Or hexproof. Or protection from red. But hey, on the other hand, I guess if it had protection from blue, then OH WAIT COUNTERSPELL STILL WORKS JUST FINE.

Oh. Did I mention that included in "every single spell in the game" is Lightning Bolt itself? Yeah. Counterspell stops Lightning Bolt, and practically EVERYTHING else cold. So yeah. Try casting Lightning Bolt on a Counterspell and see where that gets you.

Counterspell.

COUNTERSPELL.

COUNTERSPELLLLLLLLLLL

miinor_threat says: "Counterspell is like an enemy I respect. It's like a rival crime boss that I meet with on neutral ground to try to prevent a turf war, for the old days. It's just too damn powerful to ignore. As much as I disdain counterspells, I admit that I pack this one into my blue decks. It is the original, and it really still stands as the gold standard of turning a game about playing spells into a game where you can't play any spells."

KrazyCaley says: "Dave was going to say something about all the trash I talked about Lightning Bolt, but then he couldn't. I think we all know why."

Next time- Dave's turn, with the top 10 burn spells.