Merry Grixis!

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KrazyCaley

25 December 2011

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Ho ho ho! Nicol Bolas here! Have you all been good little Planeswalkers this year? I hope so!

BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY I WILL REND THE MATTER THAT CONSTITUTES YOUR PATHETIC BODY AND SCATTER IT AMONGST THE VOID.

And I will get three loyalty counters for doing so.

But for those of you who have been good, I have been busy in the Pools of Becoming with my mind-wiped slaves helper Elves, making surprises for all the good Planeswalkers of the Multiverse. I've been making a list and checking it twice! The contents of the list, however, will never be revealed to you, and may or may not have anything to do with the Grixis season. Just be assured that the list has been checked thoroughly.

The list is very important.

So now, as I turn things over to KrazyCaley, I wish you Season's Greetings! May all your Grixises be Red, and may all your Banquets be Wretched. I have to leave now to deliver surprises to little Planeswalkers across the Multiverse! Whether they have been good or bad, they will be surprised. This, I can assure you.

KrazyCaley says:

Merry Grixis! Here are some of the Carols friendly local TappedOuters generated for your annual ghoultide. We begin with a traipse through that magical wonderland of Simic Ravnica.

Momir Vig by landot - (in the style of "Jingle Bells")

Momir Vig to the tune of 'Jingle Bells'

Tutoring for creatures comboing with elves! To Novijen we go, Grafting all the way! Cytoplast Manipulators Making creatures ours! What fun it is to laugh and cast A well-timed Mystic Snake!

(chorus) Momir Vig Momir Vig, Simic all the way oh what fun it is to make monstrosities all day. Momir Vig Momir Vig, Simic all the way oh what fun it is to put teal creatures into play!

Wasn't that wonderful? Next, IPyro92 brings us a wonderful take on an old Christmas classic. Did you know that Christmas falls on the same day as Grixis? NOW YOU KNOW.

--

12 Days of Magic Christmas - IPyro92

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me A partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Seven Swans of Bryn Argoll a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Eight Bird Maidens a-milking, Seven Swans of Bryn Argoll a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Nine ladies dancing, Eight Bird Maidens a-milking, Seven Swans of Bryn Argoll a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Ten Chaos Lords a-leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight Bird Maidens a-milking, Seven Swans of Bryn Argoll a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Eleven Elvish Pipers piping, Ten Chaos Lords a-leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight Bird Maidens a-milking, Seven Swans of Bryn Argoll a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me Twelve Deepwood Drummers drumming, Eleven Elvish Pipers piping, Ten Chaos Lords a-leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight Bird Maidens a-milking, Seven Swans of Bryn Argoll a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five Sol Rings, Four calling Birds of Paradise, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a Singing Tree!

Next, minzart brings us another "Jingle Bells" take focusing on everyone's favorite U/W Control planeswalker not named Jace, or possibly Karn.

Gideon by minzart - (in the style of "Jingle Bells")

Absorbing damage,

Blowing up a dude,

Swinging for the kill,

Is Gideon Jura's day

He's just so OP

When he's played right

That is why Blue-White players

Have him in all their decks!

[Chorus]

Gideon, Gideon,

Why are you so good?

When you say "Attack me"

The creatures come your way

Gideon, Gideon,

You need to be banned!

You simply

Dominate the board

When turn five comes its way!

What's this? It's that old classic "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Grixis" by yours truly!

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Grixis" - KrazyCaley (in the style of "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - title credit to Justarsaus )

It's beginning to look a lot like Grixis

Unnnnnndead ev'rywhere

A Blightning gets cast to your face

Mr. Bolas blows up your Jace

Through the smells of rotted flesh and burning haaaiiiiir

--

It's beginning to look at lot like Grixis

With Zoooooooombie As-sass-ins!

Thrax makes them sac in attacks

Crumbling Necropolis has your back

And Slave of Bolas just threw Baneslayer in the biiiiiiin

--

If you play a Jund hack and they Blightning right back

You Swerve it back into their dome.

Polymorph has no chance 'gainst your Terminate dance

Now their Emrakul ain't got a home

Controooolll and burn with a late-game turn, plus Unearth for your Life from the Loam

--

It's beginning to look a lot like Grixis

On turn seeeevvvvven they succuuummmb

Double blue, triple black, double red,

And your enemies will be dead

Thanks to Crrrruuuueeeel Ulllltimatuuuuuum!

TimProctor is up next with an abbreviated seven days of Grixis!

"Seven Days of Grixis" - TimProctor

On the first day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me A Thought Nibbler .

On the second day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me Two Thought Eater , And a Thought Nibbler .

On the third day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me Three Thought Devourer , Two Thought Eater , And a Thought Nibbler .

On the fourth day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me Four Steel Golem , Three Thought Devourer , Two Thought Eater , And a Thought Nibbler .

On the fifth day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me Five Delusions of Mediocrity , Four Steel Golem , Three Thought Devourer , Two Thought Eater , And a Thought Nibbler .

On the sixth day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me Six Illusions of Grandeur , Five Delusions of Mediocrity , Four Steel Golem , Three Thought Devourer , Two Thought Eater , And a Thought Nibbler .

On the seventh day of Grixis, my true nemesis Donated to me Seven Abyssal Persecutor , Six Illusions of Grandeur , Five Delusions of Mediocrity , Four Steel Golem , Three Thought Devourer , Two Thought Eater , And a Thought Nibbler .

TimProctor cannot be stopped!

"Woe to Mirrodin" - TimProctor (in the style of "Joy to the World")

Woe to mirrodin, Yawgmoth is come!

Let mirrodin receive her King;

Let every heart burst in flames,

And enemies eat blightning,

And enemies eat blightning,

And enemies, and friends eat blightning.

Woe to the world, Lord Sedris reigns!

Let cruel ultimatums echo;

While swamps, islands and mountains

Repeat the sounding woe,

Repeat the sounding woe,

Repeat, repeat, the sounding woe.

Forever sins and sorrows grow,

Tresserthorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His ichor flow

Far as the curse is found,

Far as the curse is found,

Far as, far as, the curse is found.

Limdul rules the world with lies and hate,

And makes the nations prove

His decree of pain,

And wonders of small pox,

And wonders of small pox,

And wonders, wonders, of Kokusho.

Next, res1wnor reminds us all that Bolas is the reason for the Act of Treason.

"Evil Immortal Bolas" - res1wnor (in the style of "Jolly Old St. Nicholas")

Evil immortal nicol bolas, Lean your ear this way!

Dont you tell sarrak or tezz, What Im going to say;

The day of doom is coming soon; Now, you dear old dragon,

Tutor what youll bring to me: scry 10 if you can.

When the blood moons at its zenith, While I'm fast asleep,

Down from the sky broad and black, With your horde you'll reap;

All the planes you will find bowing to your whim;

Mine will be the weakest one, well be sure you know.

Ajani wants a pair of helix, Lilly wants a doll;

Jacey wants a story book; one he hasnt read;

As for me, my little spark isnt very bright;

Choose for me, dear bolas sir. What you think is right.

DEAR SWEET BABY THRAXIMUNDAR, IT'S TIMPROCTOR AGAIN!

"Do You Fear What I Fear" - TimProctor (in the style of "Do You Hear What I Hear")

Said the Plague Wind to the kithkin

Do you see what I see

Way up in the sky kithkin

Do you see what I see

A star, a star

Kukusho in the night

With a tail as big as a kite

With a tail as big as a kite

Said the kithkin to the Cloistered Youth Flip

Do you fear what I fear

Ringing through the sky Cloistered Youth Flip

Do you fear what I fear

A song, a song

A Song of Blood for you and me

With a voice as big as the sea

With a voice as big as the sea

Said the Cloistered Youth Flip to the mighty king

Do you know what I know

In your palace wall, Darien

Do you know what I know

We gonna die

Unless we tribute Bolas

Let us bring him silver and gold

Let us bring him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere

Listen to what I say

Abandon all hope

Listen to what I say

The Bolas, the Bolas

Lurking in the night

He will bring us Duress and Blightning

He will bring us Duress and Blightning

The Bolas, the Bolas

Lurking in the night

He will Terminate us, Blightning and Perplex

And hey, it's li'l ol' me again, with that classic Grixis tale of Norin the Wary.

Norin the Wary - KrazyCaley (in the style of "Frosty the Snowman")

Norin the Wary /

Was a very cautious man /

With a magic torch and a warhammer /

God knows what in his right hand /

Norin the Wary /

Is a red legend they say /

But he's not aggro /

He's a coward so /

He will flee from any fray /

He must be rather phobic /

Of spells and the combat phase /

For if planeswalkers attack or cast /

In the exile zone he stays! /

Norin the Wary /

He's a very famous name /

If you judge creatures /

By what they die to /

He's the best creature in the game /

Norin the Wary /

Knew the game was a dangerous spot /

So he ran away /

To fight another day /

But then again, probably not /

Out there in exile /

With his weird torch in his hand /

He met up with some suspend spells /

And some pathed dudes as he planned /

But then he stopped a moment /

And saw Juniper Order Ranger /

And with an Aura Shards and a Cream of the Crop /

He lost his feeling of danger! /

Norin the Wary /

Great in combos, so he learned /

And he gave a shout /

As he exiled out /

"I'll be back again next turn."

Thumpety thump thump /

Thumpety thump thump /

Look at Norin go /

Thumpety thump thump /

Thumpety thump thump /

Into the exile zone! /

Merry Grixis, everyone!